Boys, Flowers and Men

So it's been a while since I last wrote a post. And this was supposed to be done by Ms. R's birthday as a gift of sorts but took several weeks. Still drum roll for public service announcement No. 2 (for No. 1 go here)!

And since I have been rattling around Singapore and surrounds taking in posters, magazine covers and movies, this time let's list East Asia's hottest men.The men because if it was East Asia's hottest I would have spammed the post with 30 pictures of Gong Li - all hail the Goddess:)

So here we go. Apologies for some non-credited excellent gifs.

1. Like R and I didn't even need to go east of India to know that Tony Leung is AWESOME SAUCE and a shoo-in for this list. Let's just put In the Mood for Love and Chungking Express on a perpetual viewing loop and take Tony where we want 4EVA!

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2. And speaking of Chungking Express - Ms R's favourite film - everyone but everyone has Takeshi Kaneshiro on the hottest lists. Obligatory excellent gifs below:

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3. Hullo Taipei boy! Confirmation that no one can play charming/wounded slacker as well as Ryo Kase.

Plus Hiroshi tops the sweet and suave fictional airmen list. I know that list doesn't exist but it is TOTALLY NEEDED so we can fill points 1 to 10 with Hiroshi in his excellent uniform.

Restless (2011)

4. So I have never seen Godfrey Gao in anything but I have seen his pictures around these parts a fair few times and let us just say he looks THRILLINGLY GOOD. And judging by gif 2 knows it.

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5. This guy goes by the name T.O.P. But don't let that put you off.  Or bother with the music. Known for being as modest as a Victorian girl, the fangirls get excited at the sight of a bare arm. In a sea of six packs, T.O.P here scores with a suit and occasionally blue hair.

6. How can a list be complete without a kkotminam aka flower boy?! And while there are so many of them let us go with a certain Lee Min Ki who was the star of a fictional flower boy band. Called Eye Candy of course.  As for guyliner - no big deal - Tam grooms were rocking it from way before!

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7. But if flower boys are not your thing, turn to Korean cinema which is populated with ordinary, rough tough blokes. If it has Ha Jung-woo, expect acting skills and a Javier Bardem deja vu. In my books, an ENTIRELY GOOD THING.

8.  He may not be the ikemen of ikemens but MatsuJun is kind of perfect for the pretty, arrogant boys of mangas [Boys Over Flowers, Shitsuren Chocolatier].

Plus he was in the ultimate pretty pet - er - boy fantasy, Kimi Wa Petto.

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9. Coffee Prince! I guess you can't go terribly wrong if like Gong Yoo here you started out as a 6 ft model. I mean I would watch the hell out of a video segment where he did nothing else but model classy clothes.

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10. Have to have a manga character right! Let's go with genius oddball, ultimate Scrooge, man of mystery, Oscar winner and if required capable of being a rock god Shinobu Morita!

Though I might be showing my age because it is Morita as a young boy who is adorable and KAWAII! I feel a nephew mood coming on....

BONUS: Want to go vintage? No one better than Sessue Hayakawa. Like literally smoking hot.

And want to be really really au courant?! None better than poster boys of the region (like on things everywhere)

Lee Min Ho; and

Kim Soo Hyun.

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OK now lets's talk about Gong Li  & Tony Leung and why did their movie NOT HAPPEN! I guess it is all for the better because total hotness=all round combustion.

A Few Good Men

So if I was 22 and knew everything I know now and set out to make a list of actors who are totally hot but for some reason lurk below the hotness radar never ever to have knickers thrown at them or girls screaming out their names in their dreams and all - and this is a good thing because they are meant for a select few - this is what the extremely random list would like.

The Most Excellent Fat Flashman! Sigh! Rehman's best role was possibly as the extremely bored and extremely debauched husband in Sahib, Bibi aur Ghulam and indeed the man has the air of someone who should have totally paired up with Nigar Sultana to play an Indian Valmont corrupting innocent lasses.

Here's Mr Iftekhar looking very suave and urbane and the sort of man who would not bat an eyelid at a menage a trois. Also excellent sugar daddy material. He would probably be totally cool about employing butter in Last Tango in Simla. But this is India, this is the 70s and we have Mr. Police Inspector and Daddy.

This man is conventionally hot what with that sqaure jaw and the ability to sing silly romantic songs with Ms Suraiya. But Shyam died young and his hotness is quite quite forgotten so he makes the list. Plus he was Manto ka dost.

Mr Sahni here is not the romantic hero. But in his time he was the actor most women thought would make an ideal husband.  And Mr Sahni's assertions to the contrary did not quite dissuade them of this notion. Balraj, we like you too, who can be immune to that professorial hotness! But perhaps we will stop short of sweeping your floors like at the end of this movie.

The 70s was all Mr Khanna and Mr Bachchan and the old types soldiering on. Pity folk like Kiran Kumar who did a few films as a romantic lead as an ineptly cute sort before all that charm was wasted on  Dracula.  Not all wasted though, wiki informs us he was a "ladies man" in his time. Plus if this pic is any indication, he is like Mr Iftekhar 2, a damn fine aged wine most would be happy to drink.

Mr Anant Nag here was the Rajesh Khanna of parallel cinema and wiki tells me he was wildly popular in Karnataka.  But damn if I can get a hot photo of the man off the Net. Mostly Mr Nag seemed the good looking sort indulged by women, a spoilt spoilt rake and totally good enough for Rekha. So let's just admire the flop of hair and the dreamy eyes and ignore the bad Hindi accent.

And damn if I can find a picture of KK Raina (on the right here).  KK Raina should have been the Balraj Sahni of the 80s but inexplicably he was cast only in side roles. Though it is entirely possible that there is an Indian Mel somewhere with a scrapbook of Mr Raina's every appearance on screen.  Damn, it could have been me!

Let's take a detour. So Mr Raina was in Suraj ka Satvan Ghoda looking reliably and reassuringly and regularly cute and that book was written by Dharamvir Bharati and doesn't the man look fine here in pomaded hair and a moustache!

Mr Shaikh was way cuter than Amol Palekar. But Mr Palekar ruled middle class cinema of the Basu Chatterjee/Hrishikesh Mukherjee sort leaving Farooque here to do the odd good role.  But you can catch him in a few Sai Paranjpe movies being totes cute. Saved from being a "chocolate hero" by the bad boy hints.

Let's just say that slightly creepy uncle charm is way way more hot than the boring heroes of movies in which Mr Rajat Kapoor is cast.

Its possible Mr Khan here is hot in certain circles. And knows it. Still, we look forward to the next Irfan-Tabu outing. Folks, if you are not married, hitch up instantly.  The universe will explode with all that alternative hotness. OK it will just glow a bit more brightly.

It is a truth universally acknowledge that Shashi Baba here is hot and cute. But what with older actor brothers and always playing second fiddle to Mr Bachchan, the man is not sufficiently recognised as the cutest thing EVER in Hindi cinema. Which is why he is here. Go watch him being cute. NOW.

The Importance of Being Rancho

So I saw 3 Idiots.

Mostly I learnt that men cry, hug and piss at the drop of a trouser. Shall we see how all this unfolded? !

A plane returns to base because Farhan (Madhavan, once so cute but now needs to go a little easy on the thair shaadam eh!), is having a fake spasm of sorts. Soon he has hijacked an airport car and is on his way to meet best bud Raju (Sharman Joshi). The reason for all this is that much hated Chatur Ramalingam (Omi Vaidya) has located the other best bud, Rancchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad aka Rancho (Aamir Khan) who disappeared after graduation. Question Time! What’s common to Tams in Bollywood Films and Brits in Hollywood Films? Answer: Both sport dodgy accents and are designated DOUCHEBAGS! Chatur it appears has been harbouring deep RESENTMENT against the best buds. And is also looking for an inventor called Phansukh Wangdu (people lol, rofl, lmao at the names!), all round genius who has 400 patents to his name (your viewer was all lolwut at patents=genius!). So they are off to Simla where Rancho now lives. Why is Chatur so bitter? FLASHBACK! Time for a Boys Own Adventure where their antics will be treated with a Boys will be Fucking Boys!!

Podgy Farhan has just joined the Imperial College of Engineering and is soon rooming with Raju, he of the 100 Gods Shrine who shall bless him with Complete Examination Success. Time for RAGGING! Lots and lots of boys! Lots and lots of dropped trousers! Arse Stamping! Chatur in a bowtie and skimpy underwear! Everyone looking like an undercover overage student like Drew in Never Been Kissed! Rancho entering, Farhan looking a little smitten - Ruined Botticelli Angel who has been a tad “refreshed” – IRRESISTIBLE! But if you think up next is strobe lights, dance music, Bad Bad Rancho and Queer as Log you are wrong for this is at best a bad advertisement for Dora Underwear. Rancho doesn’t want to drop his trousers – no Tough Male Initiation Rites for the wuss! - and locks himself into a room. Time for a Bully aka Senior to ferret him out by - umm - pissing on his door. Time for a glimpse of Rancho’s native genius for he quickly rigs – double umm - an Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Scrotum of a Pissing Person! Useful given the movie has so much serial pissing!! So massive toolery all around – except perhaps in the underwear.

ViruS (Boman Irani) - he of the charming eccentricities – Listening to opera! Being shaved while listening to the opera! Taking ambidexterity to new heights! Carrying a bird in a nest! – is giving the TOUGH TALK to the overage students. And mooning over a pen designed for space. Cue a Rancho The Great moment (Reader, you are warned, there are MANY!). It is all about a pencil for space – Rancho boy you will have to do better than lifting old cosmonaut/astronaut anecdotes to establish genius!! Now ViruS his enemy for life but hey ViruS join the queue, we can’t stand a smug smart arse either! Also joining the queue - the Prof in the next scene who is – triple umm - predictably unzipping his trousers! Another Rancho the Great moment - don’t beat us over the head with his genius, folks! And I forget - there is a parallel track of Chatur, Obnoxious Teacher's Pet for each such moment.  

Now time for obligatory creative student crushed by the forces of college bit for beware ViruS the Villain is at large, he will fuck you over, destroy all hope, crush your spirit and spit you out a ghost of a man! Oh note that the student is a Lobo so he gets to sing an English song! Also another song where the bogs are like something out a product catalogue – check out the red doors, the smooth granite! Soon Lobo is quite DEAD and hey a Rancho invention is there to record the moment! And Rancho has a most revolutionary thought – all student suicides are MURDERS! The blood of our nation’s youth is on our Professors hands! For this ViruS puts him on the spot and time for another Rancho The Great moment accompanied by a homily - though oy any dimwit can spot what Farhanitrate and Prerajulisation is! Also time for ViruS’ favourite activity – writing letters to parents! Farhan’s are the aspirational sort, Raju’s the poor wanting a better life. And both are very UNHAPPY so the 3 idiots are soon cruising the streets. So of course time for the Boys will be Fucking Boys to crash a wedding. Oh look ViruS has a daughter Pia (Kareena Kapoor). She has spectacles, she is INTELLIGENT! But has a fiancé who is very very devoted to BRANDS! Hot Chick with Douchebag or Closeted with Beard? The Jury is OUT!

Soon ViruS is giving Raju and Farhan a valuable piece of advice – they are have nots while Rancho is a HAVE! So he can do ANY fuckery he wishes! The life of the genteel poor on the other hand, fucked but no fuckery allowed! Soon all pants down for a discussion and Raju in open rebellion against Rancho and rooming with Chatur. But Farhan still smitten, the man does adore a ruined Botticelli angel!

Anyway Boys will be Fucked up Boys! So a plan is hatched up to “rescue” Raju from Chatur’s clutches. This involves a tiny switch in Chatur’s speech for an Important Occasion. Sort of like putting a spider in a classmate’s desk in Std. 5 when the School Inspector comes visiting. Clever! Also Chatur not knowing Hindi – both HILARIOUS and a CRIME – we must all be proficient in the Rashtra Bhasha! The word in question in India’s Most Famous Speech after Kitne Aadmi The is balatkar. The Rape Word – guaranteed laugh riot! Naturally Chatur all stroppy and vows REVENGE! Oooh FISTFIGHT!!! But no, just drunk people promising to be successes 10 years later. An Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Plot badly needed!

But we commence a Romance Fuckery Plot in which Rancho manages to divest Pia of the Brand Whore Douchebag/Closeted Fiance and get it on with him instead. Does anyone care about this unsexy romance? NO! Can we have a Time Travelling Device back to 50s Sluttery?! NOW! But halt. We must not forget the mission of this film, to establish that Rancho aka Aamir Khan is Great and Can Do No Wrong! Weird hospital track (hey nice Fortis product placement there, brand whoredom much!) involving Raju’s father. Raju also smitten by the ruined Botticelli angel so he CRIES (Sam Taylor-Wood, you are needed!) and HUGS Rancho.

Your viewer is now suffering from infinite tedium. Also never has a movie stuffed itself with SO MANY unsexy men. That’s it! I am wandering off on my very own Sapphic fantasy track! Indulge me till I return!

Exam results out - Quelle Surprise! Raju and Farhan bottom of class, Rancho a topper! Green Monster! Class Photograph! A Bet! If Raju and Farhan get a job, ViruS will shave off his moustache. Not that we care, a moustache less ham is still a ham! Plus the only good ham is Jon Hamm!

TEDIUM REIGNS. Also the back and forth now very confusing. Sapphic fantasies aren’t helping. Neither is Mr. Hamm. Time to keep company with Tall, Dark and Handsome Mr. Pinot Noir methinks and to hell with the chronology.

Back in the present our boys are in Simla (And a man is snapping 5 burqa ladies, wtf what was that about?!) and at Rancho’s mansion. Rancho’s dad is dead, also Rancho is not Rancho. Sooper Plot Twist, machan!

Some absurd fuckery, cuntery, sluttery, drunkery (God I feel SO much better just using those words!) ends in a dare (Boys will be Fucking Boys!). Rancho is trying to get into Pia’s bedroom, also some very strange stuff with a sister and a baby and all is well! OK, PISSING alert, this time its Raju spraying ViruS’ Wall! Time for ViruS’s second favourite thing after writing letters to parents! RUSTICATION! Out sails Raju though ViruS’ window to the strains of opera. Oh Raju, you really shouldn’t have done that!!!! For now we have to sit through more weird hospital scenes and CRYING and HUGGING and Rancho The Great.

Oh good here’s Mr. Shiraz, a super smooth sort from South Australia - only a ménage a trois will get me though this!

There is some bit about Farhan becoming a wildlife photographer and talking to his dad about it and TEARS! And Raju getting a job in spite of failing so more TEARS! ViruS now without a moustache. CRY, CRY, CRY! HUG, HUG, HUG! DROP TROUSERS! Rancho Tussi Great Ho!

Some backstory fuckery in which the fake Rancho is established as a boy prodigy and genius who would put Mozart to shame. Nothing to see here, move along.

Ongoing ViruS Villainy involving an exam paper and its theft. Does anyone care! A thousand times, a resounding NO! ViruS also “murdered” his son apparently. Boo Hoo.

Oh God no, ViruS don’t let us down, we could have so got together and given Rancho the bumps and tied the fucktard up, put stones in his pockets and thrown him into a river for good! But Sad Sad Day - here he is acknowledging Rancho The Great. This involves floods, the birth of a baby and a vacuum pump. All like some ghastly chapter in a management text book with big signposts to instances of ingenuity, teamwork, blah blah blah. All topped with CRYING. Will this child who shall hear the story of Uncle Rancho's Method for Delivering a Baby every single fucking day of his life be an Anti-Rancho? One lives in hope!

Anyhow back in the present, inexplicably Pia is getting married to the Brand Whore. Who is wearing a pink robe and pink slippers. And listening to Opera. Douchebag AND Closeted! Quelle Surprise! Pia does a runner.

Then we are all in Ladakh where we get further proof of Rancho the School Teacher’s ingenuity bringing joy and progress to poor Ladakhians (what the hell is the man inventing anyway, Permanently Keeping Cheese From Yak Milk?). So everyone gets to meet up because of the reappearance of both Pissing and the Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Scrotum of a Pissing Person and it winds its way to its predictable End. When I wake up I think- If 3 Idiots was male, I would definitely be applying that Apparatus to its Scrotum. PRONTO. Though  an old fashioned short, sharp kick to its backside would do just as well.

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India’s most popular movie it appears is a mash up of 101 Jokes for all occasions, self-help books and a smattering of Edward de Bono. Its like being stuck in a training course for middle management where you are allowed to fondly recall the last time you were properly alive, aka in college, and made to believe that the rainbow of alternate existence in which you are totally going to be CREATIVE and LOVE your WORK is around the corner. It will no doubt be conducted by Rancho The Great.

If you stick to the very end, it will also make you Vote for Rote.

The Sorrows of Young Vijay

So I saw Pyaasa.

And it’s hard to deconstruct a movie that takes itself so seriously and is relentlessly downbeat. But we will give this arduous task a spin, shall we?!

Vijay (Guru Dutt) is a poet. We know this because he is dreamily sprawled under a tree thinking delicate, beautiful thoughts about the birds and the bees (not sex, put away your dirty minds!). Then a foot and a crushed insect ooh so symbolic! Vijay all upset and walks away. That Vijay - just so SENSITIVE!

Next scene at publishers' - aka some harassed bloke who runs a rag - to whom Vijay has handed over his poems. Publisher is a bit of a piece and tells Vijay he wants poems on wine, women and the lot and Vijay’s poems not quite the thing. Fair enough, eh Vijay, the man has a paper to sell! But no, Vijay throwing a hissy fit and demanding the return of his poems. But they are in the wastepaper basket - oh cruel, cruel world! Vijay all ATTITUDE and walks off in a hissy fit. There, there Vijay, man up, we have all been there! Vijay then runs into Maa and nephew in the market and tries to avoid them as he is unemployed and down. Maa drags him home for ghar ka khana but his two nasty brothers are all up in arms about his freeloading. Now Vijay again looking for his poems. And again poems absent, sent off to the raddi! Vijay throwing another hissy fit at this CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD THAT CANNOT RECOGNISE HIS BEAUTIFUL NATURE. Now Vijay off to meet a friend for a bed for the night. And I am thinking DRINKING GAME! DRINK as Vijay is being serially fucked by the world! Friend offers him a bed but suddenly a girl turns up and its lady screwing time for him and Vijay has to leave looking like a wounded bird. DRINK! And mate, don’t grudge your friends a root!

Then Vijay sitting on a bench and contemplating a night under the stars. Girl on bench starts singing - yes that’s how street prostitutes land a Joe! Now Vijay is following her and an entire song later Gulabo (Waheeda Rehman) realises that Vijay has no money and merely wants to quiz her on her song. She chases him away -DRINK! - and then finds a piece of paper he has dropped. Oh Vijay, always leaving poems everywhere! Gulabo is sadly not a poetess prostitute but merely singing Vijay’s verses - she bought all his poems in the raddi (!) and is now all remorseful at turning him away.

Vijay sleeps rough, its morning and he is lounging around and spots Meena (Mala Sinha) getting off a swish car. Hey, Meena looking good there no, make that you are a DIVINE, RAVISHING GODDESS and you so need a tumblr shrine! Now Vijay again looking fucked. DRINK! Time for college flashback - Vijay looking so like the uncle next door but Meena, DIVINE! - general happy fuckery, lame jokes and then ROMANCE and CYCLE SONG! Stuff the serial fuckery, just DRINK because it’s all happy! But not for long and soon it’s the present and Vijay is being a coolie to earn a few paise. DRINK! And then takes himself off to a hotel to eat. But paise turn out to be khote. DRINK for the fuckery of the world is never ending! Then Gulabo spots him and pays for the meal - witness the beginnings of SUPER KINDRED SOUL fuckery. DRINK! DRINK! some more for Sattar Bhai (Johnny Walker) now singing CHAMPI SONG! Yay!! But what’s this - time for Sattar Bhai’s fucked up comedy show with hard as nails prostitute. Quick REWIND to champi song! DRINK! For no reason!

Then Vijay runs into an old friend and it’s CLASS REUNION time! So Vijay goes. Recognition at last, propelled to the stage to sing song! DRINK! But there is Meena in the audience. She’s DIVINE! Vijay sings SUPER SAD song, Meena anguished, audience unimpressed. DRINK! Outside Vijay runs into a publisher, Mr. Ghosh (Rehman) who invites him over. So off goes Vijay with his poems but Mr. Ghosh quizzing him on his college years and then offers him a job. On way out Vijay meets Meena in the lift and FLASHBACK and ROMANCE! Meena, Meena you are looking DIVINE in that Goddess Gown. Back in lift, Meena looking as if she could fuck Vijay on its floor but Vijay all bitter and moody. Enough to make a girl DRINK!

Mr. Ghosh invites Vijay to his house deliberately for there is Meena and she is Mr. Ghosh’s wife! Now looking closely at Mr. Ghosh – kind of portly in a fine suit but then the eye is drawn up and see those fine cruel lips, the cruel eyes, the cruel brows, the fleshy cheeks, the brilliantly pomaded hair…….so like a Fat Flashman……..think perversity, eroticism, sado- masochism, boudoir, corsets, knickers, white gloves, fetish, bondage….umm, er where was I?! Yes, hmmm, some rubbish poetry on, Vijay forced to serve drinks. So DRINK! Meena looking distressed, Fat Flashman thunderous on confirmation of liaison and Vijay contemptuous. Then Vijay singing and looking like the softest, sweetest, most feeling and soulful morsel of humanity so hush, suspend the snark, put down the DRINK! Audience however unimpressed so recommence DRINKING!

Meena now getting a bit stalkerish and Vijay being standoffish and all annoyed at Meena the gold-digger who thwarted his love. DRINK! Meena behaving a bit besotted here - drag him on to the couch girl and just get over him! Deliciously cruel Mr. Ghosh is however eavesdropping on Meena’s confessions and later - uh huh these were not the kind of spankings I had in mind - BAD MR. GHOSH, stick to role play! The next day, Vijay finds Fat Flashman throwing away his poems – what’s up with folk trashing poems but hey woo hoo for the fuckery of the world for we can DRINK!

Somewhere else in the city Gulabo all sad and still looking for Vijay. A trick turns sour and she is being chased by a policeman and then runs into Vijay who claims she is his wife to save her. Gulabo super happy and now her hot, hot body needs some serious cooling down – this erotically charged song will tell you all! Folks, it can be confirmed - Gulabo totally besotted with Vijay - but he disappears. Men, never there when a woman is hot and bothered. DRINK!

Some unnecessary comical fuckery from Sattar Bhai. LET’S NOT GO THERE AND JUST DRINK!

Vijay still sleeping rough in the city trying to drink water from a dry tap. But we can DRINK! Oh no Meena again stalking him. Meena, Meena surely Fat Flashman can offer you infinite more pleasures, albeit a tad sordid, than uptight Vijay! No? Pass him on to us! DRINK! Random storm and Vijay is in it. DRINK! Then Vijay finds out that the Maa is dead and the brothers don’t want him. DRINK, DRINK, DRINK! And have Vijay join you as he goes on a bender and then joins his friend for a kotha visit where a fetching lady is dancing. DRINK! But look the lady has a crying baby and Vijay is totes the only one with FEELINGS and TEARS! So much Sturm und Drang! And now he is singing a hauntingly beautiful song a Ballad of the Fallen Woman so to speak but you are also thinking hey Vijay, maybe you can remove that pretty, soulful mug that is so beautifully lit for a few minutes because it’s not always about how fucked up you feel, you know! Anyhow, DRINK!

Now Gulabo time. Gulabo is all fangirl – Vijay you are the Greatest Poet that ever lived! Also totes maternal and all for tucking him into bed. Vijay all no I am fucked, my poems are fucked, the world is fucked. DRINK! At this point he should take a Bex and lie down but no, leaves Gulabo and is totally cruising for more punishment and running wild over some railway lines and offering coat to shivering beggar. Then beggar dead under a train and everyone thinks its Vijay who is QUITE DEAD. DRINK! Fat Flashman gleeful but Meena and Gulabo all sad. Now Gulabo fangirl wants to get poems published (note that poem folder has a Spitfire on the cover, wtf!) but runs into Meena who doesn’t want this as the tome is dedicated to her. Meena vs Gulabo has Meena knocked out (Meena you remain DIVINE)! Then Gulabo begs Fat Flashman to publish poems and he does. Now Vijay a STAR. Crowds wanting to buy his book top Justin Bieber twitter followers! Fangirl Gulabo all happy. DRINK!

Meanwhile Vijay in hospital and bereft of speech. DRINK! Nurse now reading HIS poems to him (so touching!) and he is all those are my poems, I AM VIJAY! For that immediately carted off to pagalkhana. Meanwhile Vijay’s friend, his brothers and Fat Flashman have all cut a deal to not recognise Vijay for its well known that the only good poet is a DEAD ONE! DRINK for the glorious fuckery of the world is eternal! So Vijay quite quite stuck in pagalkhana. DRINK! Till Sattar Bhai spots him and gets him out. Another round!

Then time for a public reading of Vijay’s poems to which he turns up along with a million other fanboys of his sporting I AM VIJAY tees. Confusing! Meena on stage looking DIVINE, Fat Flashman - ummm - looking devilishly rakish and cruel and so so fetching in that Indian attire (put a brake on the fantasies girl!). Yes Vijay, you are a ROCK STAR, you are verily CHRIST Resurrected. But no need to sing about burning down the world, eh! Then a stampede as Fat Flashman goons try to hustle Vijay out, stamp out his existence and trample poor, devoted Gulabo. I don’t know about you but I need a DRINK! And now let’s all DRINK as Vijay is embraced and vindicated by the very people who spurned him - bar Fat Flashman whose rep is quite ruined for spruiking Vijay as a quite DEAD POET. DRINK to the friend! DRINK to the brothers! DRINK to the Publishers! DRINK to Meena! Another round to the ever changeable fuckery of the world!

Now time for another ROCK STAR Vijay appearance-this time as an undead poet!

But what’s this? Vijay in a MASSIVE FUCK YOU to the world. Shall we DRINK?! Vijay now claiming he is not Vijay. Much consternation. Another bloody stampede and another Sattar Bhai rescue of Vijay. Vijay who is not Vijay but is St. Vijay now saying goodbye forever to Meena and offering her his everlasting goodness and forgiveness. Its OK Meena, you are DIVINE, you have Fat Flashman and some excellent hair ornaments I am totally reproducing! Then Vijay off to Gulabo’s place and witness the consummation of their SUPER KINDRED SOUL fuckery as they walk off into the sunset! Hey Vijay not Vijay but still St. Vijay, goodbye then! Meanwhile for the rest of us depraved, unfeeling folk - its time for the FAT FLASHMAN BOUDOIR GAMES! DRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKK!

PS: Bonus DRINK for anyone who got title reference!

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Ouch. I grew up on Pyaasa songs and the idea of Guru Dutt as auteur. But this movie (and incidentally also Kaagaz ke Phool) is a hot turgid mess where maudlin sentimentality meets middlebrow romanticism. It is beautifully shot, its songs are quite wonderful, it has its moments I will give it that. But the central conceit of the film - of a tortured, sensitive genius crushed by society only to spurn its final acceptance too often feels like the petulance of a ignored child. Even a song like Jinhe Naaz Hai somehow fits uneasily in the film inspite of being its central piece partly because it is as much a considered reflection of the sordidness of the world as it is of the cult of the sensitive poet.  I find myself a little surprised that this movie turns up in top 100 lists.