So if I was 22 and knew everything I know now and set out to make a list of actors who are totally hot but for some reason lurk below the hotness radar never ever to have knickers thrown at them or girls screaming out their names in their dreams and all - and this is a good thing because they are meant for a select few - this is what the extremely random list would like.
The Most Excellent Fat Flashman! Sigh! Rehman's best role was possibly as the extremely bored and extremely debauched husband in Sahib, Bibi aur Ghulam and indeed the man has the air of someone who should have totally paired up with Nigar Sultana to play an Indian Valmont corrupting innocent lasses.
Here's Mr Iftekhar looking very suave and urbane and the sort of man who would not bat an eyelid at a menage a trois. Also excellent sugar daddy material. He would probably be totally cool about employing butter in Last Tango in Simla. But this is India, this is the 70s and we have Mr. Police Inspector and Daddy.
This man is conventionally hot what with that sqaure jaw and the ability to sing silly romantic songs with Ms Suraiya. But Shyam died young and his hotness is quite quite forgotten so he makes the list. Plus he was Manto ka dost.
Mr Sahni here is not the romantic hero. But in his time he was the actor most women thought would make an ideal husband. And Mr Sahni's assertions to the contrary did not quite dissuade them of this notion. Balraj, we like you too, who can be immune to that professorial hotness! But perhaps we will stop short of sweeping your floors like at the end of this movie.
The 70s was all Mr Khanna and Mr Bachchan and the old types soldiering on. Pity folk like Kiran Kumar who did a few films as a romantic lead as an ineptly cute sort before all that charm was wasted on Dracula. Not all wasted though, wiki informs us he was a "ladies man" in his time. Plus if this pic is any indication, he is like Mr Iftekhar 2, a damn fine aged wine most would be happy to drink.
Mr Anant Nag here was the Rajesh Khanna of parallel cinema and wiki tells me he was wildly popular in Karnataka. But damn if I can get a hot photo of the man off the Net. Mostly Mr Nag seemed the good looking sort indulged by women, a spoilt spoilt rake and totally good enough for Rekha. So let's just admire the flop of hair and the dreamy eyes and ignore the bad Hindi accent.
And damn if I can find a picture of KK Raina (on the right here). KK Raina should have been the Balraj Sahni of the 80s but inexplicably he was cast only in side roles. Though it is entirely possible that there is an Indian Mel somewhere with a scrapbook of Mr Raina's every appearance on screen. Damn, it could have been me!
Let's take a detour. So Mr Raina was in Suraj ka Satvan Ghoda looking reliably and reassuringly and regularly cute and that book was written by Dharamvir Bharati and doesn't the man look fine here in pomaded hair and a moustache!
Mr Shaikh was way cuter than Amol Palekar. But Mr Palekar ruled middle class cinema of the Basu Chatterjee/Hrishikesh Mukherjee sort leaving Farooque here to do the odd good role. But you can catch him in a few Sai Paranjpe movies being totes cute. Saved from being a "chocolate hero" by the bad boy hints.
Let's just say that slightly creepy uncle charm is way way more hot than the boring heroes of movies in which Mr Rajat Kapoor is cast.
Its possible Mr Khan here is hot in certain circles. And knows it. Still, we look forward to the next Irfan-Tabu outing. Folks, if you are not married, hitch up instantly. The universe will explode with all that alternative hotness. OK it will just glow a bit more brightly.