tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39980491349716230402024-03-22T03:47:28.077+11:00Subversive LaceIn Which I Skewer Films for My Cousin RAnu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-14849023187848234832014-09-21T01:54:00.000+10:002014-09-22T02:00:20.638+10:00Boys, Flowers and Men <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So it's been a while since I last wrote a post. And this was supposed to be done by Ms. R's birthday as a gift of sorts but took several weeks. Still drum roll for public service announcement No. 2 (for No. 1 go <a href="http://subversive-lace.blogspot.sg/2012/01/few-good-men.html" target="_blank">here</a>)!<br />
<br />
And since I have been rattling around Singapore and surrounds taking in posters, magazine covers and movies, this time let's list East Asia's hottest men.The men because if it was East Asia's hottest I would have spammed the post with 30 pictures of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gong_Li">Gong Li</a> - all hail the Goddess:)<br />
<br />
So here we go. Apologies for some non-credited excellent gifs. <br />
<br />
1. Like R and I didn't even need to go east of India to know that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Leung_Chiu-Wai">Tony Leung</a> is AWESOME SAUCE and a shoo-in for this list. Let's just put <a href="http://www.coldbacon.com/movies/wkw-inthemood.html">In the Mood for Love</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en-GB&v=IAH-0GKvIrM&gl=SG">Chungking Express</a> on a perpetual viewing loop and take Tony where we want 4EVA!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9msFTFePwDIgxbABg3qRan1pkN2-P0BWLpZL_Xk9VQhfWrnws_uzJ_L18Ahyphenhyphen-vCdiWaib7bH6drR9_nMri7RBAoiGVz0uLDaCGPPonRyEmDs-m0p_Fl_gzTg7GQSXY_CDrNf0uqOatkHy/s1600/ra1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9msFTFePwDIgxbABg3qRan1pkN2-P0BWLpZL_Xk9VQhfWrnws_uzJ_L18Ahyphenhyphen-vCdiWaib7bH6drR9_nMri7RBAoiGVz0uLDaCGPPonRyEmDs-m0p_Fl_gzTg7GQSXY_CDrNf0uqOatkHy/s1600/ra1.gif" height="245" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8vnysxg3P1qf1aoao1_500.gif" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNgeMiyIACBaoEORMukxbB02lobqibRGwimAUhSuhxODXConvEkZe-ssOiajXnxjW6pDIossLzYd70UmwROfc_vfmlXneN4Zvjgl5ct9rV-t0Pw04uWpAlay_R1NpBIXIY5koxDpKTvgL9/s1600/tl.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNgeMiyIACBaoEORMukxbB02lobqibRGwimAUhSuhxODXConvEkZe-ssOiajXnxjW6pDIossLzYd70UmwROfc_vfmlXneN4Zvjgl5ct9rV-t0Pw04uWpAlay_R1NpBIXIY5koxDpKTvgL9/s1600/tl.gif" height="215" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.imgur.com/RL5BJFA.gif" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
2. And speaking of Chungking Express - Ms R's favourite film - everyone but everyone has <a href="http://www.lovehkfilm.com/people/kaneshiro_takeshi.htm">Takeshi Kaneshiro</a> on the hottest lists. Obligatory excellent gifs below:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnYJXRbMKOagNnvljIq2-v2lYqgNO0z6A-JrYaYGIwMI953cDYNZ7C4bhw8UyesWgshosJBMUcwbe7BwsV1fdvlEZslIjL8Y1aeFlhtDp0BX3gjbiveCyjUrWsNH6zwQsj6qVNtXFI3YVj/s1600/ra10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnYJXRbMKOagNnvljIq2-v2lYqgNO0z6A-JrYaYGIwMI953cDYNZ7C4bhw8UyesWgshosJBMUcwbe7BwsV1fdvlEZslIjL8Y1aeFlhtDp0BX3gjbiveCyjUrWsNH6zwQsj6qVNtXFI3YVj/s1600/ra10.gif" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmdb_yQT5cxAqWAIg92eIg24D8lqzNJVNg4Wu3IWTcdVbev7UQzk7NEUvweiy5Q9EKMPyVNL_WLGu87smN3kdGqFkMn9THRxGZ0NnQ6Yn47158pb0QzYviiwrO_Dq9urscQNIhzkcBUQ96/s1600/ra12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmdb_yQT5cxAqWAIg92eIg24D8lqzNJVNg4Wu3IWTcdVbev7UQzk7NEUvweiy5Q9EKMPyVNL_WLGu87smN3kdGqFkMn9THRxGZ0NnQ6Yn47158pb0QzYviiwrO_Dq9urscQNIhzkcBUQ96/s1600/ra12.gif" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://rebloggy.com/post/mygifs-film-wong-kar-wai-kar-wai-wong-chungking-express-takeshi-kaneshiro-my-mov/63271277556" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
3. Hullo <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0OHqd_Slj4">Taipei boy</a>! Confirmation that no one can play charming/wounded slacker as well as <a href="http://www.port-magazine.com/feature/his-name-is-ryo/">Ryo Kase</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKd9aPOKaD8zVdRmJ2E2wOfVI-GXZYGeul6xqJ9ryCZT4ZHPNpSJHhTYNyPi9nyoVURMjlSLsNs3HLFh8194xjj2ib8Zb6te8AhM_uiSPKnPGLYY2uQzf0gAByt5vKF1PFuCygMLfZwC6z/s1600/imageedit_3_2719573561.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKd9aPOKaD8zVdRmJ2E2wOfVI-GXZYGeul6xqJ9ryCZT4ZHPNpSJHhTYNyPi9nyoVURMjlSLsNs3HLFh8194xjj2ib8Zb6te8AhM_uiSPKnPGLYY2uQzf0gAByt5vKF1PFuCygMLfZwC6z/s1600/imageedit_3_2719573561.gif" height="400" width="296" /></a></div>
<br />
Plus <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/09/18/movies/durbin-breakthrough-feature.html?ref=movies">Hiroshi</a> tops the sweet and suave fictional airmen list. I know that list doesn't exist but it is TOTALLY NEEDED so we can fill points 1 to 10 with Hiroshi in his excellent uniform. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ3AD5ZInghHd-30a9NaD_L7KzoxaO7ZIbE5zlz3d7pFzcRKsqXXKWlf_pUS45BD1TDUaJE5vlvJN3TXTZjUhhJ4PYDmXHHUdLSlYJsfDPtxc3qI-VZhQMl173-AYzUhSDa_PPsSDgDA_6/s1600/ra18.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ3AD5ZInghHd-30a9NaD_L7KzoxaO7ZIbE5zlz3d7pFzcRKsqXXKWlf_pUS45BD1TDUaJE5vlvJN3TXTZjUhhJ4PYDmXHHUdLSlYJsfDPtxc3qI-VZhQMl173-AYzUhSDa_PPsSDgDA_6/s1600/ra18.gif" height="261" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restless_%282011_film%29">Restless (2011)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
4. So I have never seen <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godfrey_Gao" target="_blank">Godfrey Gao</a> in anything but I have seen his pictures around these parts a fair few times and let us just say he looks <a href="http://www.esquiresingapore.com/People/Features/article/Godfrey-Gao-feature">THRILLINGLY GOOD</a>. And judging by gif 2 knows it. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikM6oAa8GhHhUH7oyXzEra6NI88oWpHJal9BV7kVnwFayDdf0mSPxdwXLWYFsJyv_BTT0YRwiG3wUTLNSo5U4Z0VVNAW_PezdUk6m4fVb7SuFINamtAJBNpC9Pha3uC-9p4wfzsZsfjUV8/s1600/ra6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikM6oAa8GhHhUH7oyXzEra6NI88oWpHJal9BV7kVnwFayDdf0mSPxdwXLWYFsJyv_BTT0YRwiG3wUTLNSo5U4Z0VVNAW_PezdUk6m4fVb7SuFINamtAJBNpC9Pha3uC-9p4wfzsZsfjUV8/s1600/ra6.gif" height="400" width="350" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPCk4EN0mwbw67P0k84DW75WN71F3ZlErIkqoAs0fAggJyit_kIT9m3QOPCECWT_uVf6EAZdtpoahusCB05OH0PWpcdY4j6MgLv94nZpw8B2PVAioLurdeWbZxegOdXGTZZgbfwK-_Jh_/s1600/ra7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpPCk4EN0mwbw67P0k84DW75WN71F3ZlErIkqoAs0fAggJyit_kIT9m3QOPCECWT_uVf6EAZdtpoahusCB05OH0PWpcdY4j6MgLv94nZpw8B2PVAioLurdeWbZxegOdXGTZZgbfwK-_Jh_/s1600/ra7.gif" height="240" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://lazyresources.tumblr.com/post/62278641072/gif-hunt-godfrey-gao" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
5. This guy goes by the name <a href="https://www.facebook.com/T.O.PiFANPAGE">T.O.P.</a> But don't let that put you off. Or bother with the music. Known for being as modest as a Victorian girl, the fangirls get excited at the sight of a bare arm. In a sea of six packs, T.O.P here scores with a suit and occasionally <a href="http://cdn.bigbangupdates.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/bigbangupdates+TOP+Alive+Scans.jpg">blue hair</a>. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrEySZ6BiwNWbU7YohFQPzfCs9HIxuwuhX6jEca0LTZD9PB0HkNtp_wAvrU8hGtJ_yxuxagrobfdz9lbV4m2Lu8x4o53uNjuSENwMpqViwT__EHptGB_NmzxV5lhrxSkfSXVX1q67nTNtz/s1600/ra5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrEySZ6BiwNWbU7YohFQPzfCs9HIxuwuhX6jEca0LTZD9PB0HkNtp_wAvrU8hGtJ_yxuxagrobfdz9lbV4m2Lu8x4o53uNjuSENwMpqViwT__EHptGB_NmzxV5lhrxSkfSXVX1q67nTNtz/s1600/ra5.gif" height="400" width="322" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp141IU51ue1kySoEeKZnfj-mCfwwMdKaYjtUuXGO4Ig2X8c3eH1-urHKwSGfF-Vy5G0rL8d9VrhPQEtDRIA-LJE9D7QdEpC1dAVd_eCarGxPHjCFlvW0G2NhPnpYe9XkP6_Q_dIvJOg6p/s1600/top.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp141IU51ue1kySoEeKZnfj-mCfwwMdKaYjtUuXGO4Ig2X8c3eH1-urHKwSGfF-Vy5G0rL8d9VrhPQEtDRIA-LJE9D7QdEpC1dAVd_eCarGxPHjCFlvW0G2NhPnpYe9XkP6_Q_dIvJOg6p/s1600/top.gif" height="250" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
6. How can a list be complete without a <a href="http://www.humanflowerproject.com/index.php/weblog/comments/koreas_lovely_kkotminam/">kkotminam</a> aka flower boy?! And while there are <a href="http://www.crunchyroll.com/forumtopic-258371/favorite-kkotminam-aka-pretty-boys" target="_blank">so many of them</a> let us go with a certain <a href="http://asianwiki.com/Lee_Min-Ki">Lee Min Ki</a> who was the star of a fictional <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shut_Up_Flower_Boy_Band">flower boy band</a>. Called Eye Candy of course. As for guyliner - no big deal - Tam grooms were rocking it from way before! <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3lHbcJPUEzKddmHZxwzWygRY0muU33k48VZmC3C8u5ORE61gULaG8U38_ucqGIlhRiEG8dFHPgItKqITGIgHjNS0ykRwAmDLFIIX3tCWXW26kqwtWR_8-JpzPXRGkMe6Qh4FHXSg3FmI/s1600/lmk2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3lHbcJPUEzKddmHZxwzWygRY0muU33k48VZmC3C8u5ORE61gULaG8U38_ucqGIlhRiEG8dFHPgItKqITGIgHjNS0ykRwAmDLFIIX3tCWXW26kqwtWR_8-JpzPXRGkMe6Qh4FHXSg3FmI/s1600/lmk2.gif" height="250" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://whatshouldwecallkdrama.tumblr.com/post/75857680635/when-im-watching-a-k-drama-and-i-spot-a-hot-actor-ive" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePU1IhqHorGHoQWllke6JQw3Jfn12rkg9OgIeUQMLLANYK9_82xMD22oC4PKZH0BsjEdHabPBqWl-MjGOVa-Oa_T_shftapTaMIdCbvmUbiNgCGQe71R4mp649_4ajYRcWglGEDV_oWxy/s1600/lmk.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhePU1IhqHorGHoQWllke6JQw3Jfn12rkg9OgIeUQMLLANYK9_82xMD22oC4PKZH0BsjEdHabPBqWl-MjGOVa-Oa_T_shftapTaMIdCbvmUbiNgCGQe71R4mp649_4ajYRcWglGEDV_oWxy/s1600/lmk.gif" height="400" width="296" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://sexylovebunny.tumblr.com/post/52700568943/cute" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
7. But if flower boys are not your thing, turn to Korean cinema which is populated with ordinary, rough tough blokes. If it has <a href="http://star.koreandrama.org/?p=973">Ha Jung-woo</a>, expect acting skills and a Javier Bardem deja vu. In my books, an ENTIRELY GOOD THING.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivX7b-MkFQ0LjSgV4wbH3vvfweR5-7_lnbKZY4et0ca3L0CBLqchCtp6KfMRyUyvMJ2fsgbaus0ZMIvj8UImWSkgZXec9y1vqg-ZxSXfQX3tJj_octWTyvR2ImeWHl0A4CvOVmTI3twjB0/s1600/ra13.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivX7b-MkFQ0LjSgV4wbH3vvfweR5-7_lnbKZY4et0ca3L0CBLqchCtp6KfMRyUyvMJ2fsgbaus0ZMIvj8UImWSkgZXec9y1vqg-ZxSXfQX3tJj_octWTyvR2ImeWHl0A4CvOVmTI3twjB0/s1600/ra13.gif" height="223" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn11uxa588ZfgttkdqlYMHBcEfx5DK8kUHEGCXPLYr7GONfQm24miA3WgDk9wzchAQGnxRSOlHpQcM-p-kfhfEQnmGJtvbBLBuJj6ojLOd49QWEXB2U7lUmY-ysyGlwGLf4HhrlgJeM9_3/s1600/hjw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn11uxa588ZfgttkdqlYMHBcEfx5DK8kUHEGCXPLYr7GONfQm24miA3WgDk9wzchAQGnxRSOlHpQcM-p-kfhfEQnmGJtvbBLBuJj6ojLOd49QWEXB2U7lUmY-ysyGlwGLf4HhrlgJeM9_3/s1600/hjw.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
8. He may not be the <a href="http://www.japantoday.com/category/lifestyle/view/9-things-that-make-an-ikemen-hot-guy">ikemen</a> of ikemens but <a href="http://asianwiki.com/Jun_Matsumoto_%281983%29">MatsuJun</a> is kind of perfect for the pretty, arrogant boys of mangas [<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hana_Yori_Dango_%28TV_series%29">Boys Over Flowers</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shitsuren_Chocolatier">Shitsuren Chocolatier</a>].<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCNESC2iward4e_rDiSBNCQdiQhZPKv6T7_fsfi_4LgvXOcU528qStbxel521A57Ybsof5WqHp9xaJa4duTQLhl7CltH5MXjQUGYzn55BLKitz5v5fPwaOAnOFk5SsRx8rBMFlwmls1EH/s1600/ra4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCNESC2iward4e_rDiSBNCQdiQhZPKv6T7_fsfi_4LgvXOcU528qStbxel521A57Ybsof5WqHp9xaJa4duTQLhl7CltH5MXjQUGYzn55BLKitz5v5fPwaOAnOFk5SsRx8rBMFlwmls1EH/s1600/ra4.gif" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Plus he was in the ultimate pretty pet - er - boy fantasy, <a href="http://asianwiki.com/You%27re_My_Pet_%28Japanese_Drama%29">Kimi Wa Petto</a>. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI-QKEcqw2C4PD2VBlN0U0n0Pyes3FQmq8EX2QEA9-7iw3TgqVNRcKdAlgaDUNdr-_kqd3tculAjCypEOSYASubjK_Roq2NXqEQkRP3aDDvFWQXsfOMbxT4KVWaUsGBAr8pzixggfuOWdA/s1600/ra0.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI-QKEcqw2C4PD2VBlN0U0n0Pyes3FQmq8EX2QEA9-7iw3TgqVNRcKdAlgaDUNdr-_kqd3tculAjCypEOSYASubjK_Roq2NXqEQkRP3aDDvFWQXsfOMbxT4KVWaUsGBAr8pzixggfuOWdA/s1600/ra0.gif" height="248" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://dramalatte.tumblr.com/post/6133226878/kimi-wa-petto-gifs" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
9. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_1st_Shop_of_Coffee_Prince" target="_blank">Coffee Prince</a>! I guess you can't go terribly wrong if like <a href="http://asianwiki.com/Gong_Yoo">Gong Yoo</a> here you started out as a 6 ft model. I mean I would watch the hell out of a video segment where he did nothing else but model classy clothes. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwBcmvcLqb_yKaKT48UqFQZ9lFy8uX0zQDTiBokLfBT8tiYt70duRhs-HdrXyADkveE1nqhA1DQcohPaUcAHVa-dAN22ItNRWdKEEEJnhIOBAzTUNRb42reBjSXGcpxc5MNTkZy36fHmGI/s1600/ra15.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwBcmvcLqb_yKaKT48UqFQZ9lFy8uX0zQDTiBokLfBT8tiYt70duRhs-HdrXyADkveE1nqhA1DQcohPaUcAHVa-dAN22ItNRWdKEEEJnhIOBAzTUNRb42reBjSXGcpxc5MNTkZy36fHmGI/s1600/ra15.gif" height="160" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWtQ6VfLp0LhIVjkzcakQ-l_4abWhlcXzpVHl0HXlPPnj1b-XIWIx7EPB4YjltMNGKAz6Apf9BRAYrjV6efgxQUsdDzPR28Vg1IYXCu6hBdIQuWB8uALgLyxVGTDst-gc2hLm9bNgD6iZ/s1600/ra00.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWtQ6VfLp0LhIVjkzcakQ-l_4abWhlcXzpVHl0HXlPPnj1b-XIWIx7EPB4YjltMNGKAz6Apf9BRAYrjV6efgxQUsdDzPR28Vg1IYXCu6hBdIQuWB8uALgLyxVGTDst-gc2hLm9bNgD6iZ/s1600/ra00.gif" height="200" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i-will-sink-with-this-ship-kd.tumblr.com/post/55915052747/so-today-i-finished-seeing-the-drama-big-but" target="_blank">X</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
10. Have to have a manga character right! Let's go with genius oddball, ultimate Scrooge, man of mystery, Oscar winner and if required capable of being a rock god <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Honey_and_Clover_characters" target="_blank">Shinobu Morita</a>!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7Poae-MrhBB6LgQ7nKkUTWe5BvsGTD1TYxEHKKx02ocCUcMhBOC8-bpg58zyQJ2TwLaDa0nbZDoajI5dnOamZMSa0UK3kjE7EJQo7RDMg71lkVZldEIjczCDQ-7KQusJIEHG0dP17-GA/s1600/Morita.Shinobu.full.895490.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW7Poae-MrhBB6LgQ7nKkUTWe5BvsGTD1TYxEHKKx02ocCUcMhBOC8-bpg58zyQJ2TwLaDa0nbZDoajI5dnOamZMSa0UK3kjE7EJQo7RDMg71lkVZldEIjczCDQ-7KQusJIEHG0dP17-GA/s1600/Morita.Shinobu.full.895490.jpg" height="400" width="271" /></a></div>
<br />
Though I might be showing my age because it is Morita as a young boy who is adorable and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kawaii" target="_blank">KAWAII</a>! I feel a nephew mood coming on....<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghktFPXbzO3VQbyQn1VchgbssN6Unq_dsI91Zt1O7I9oA00cdagZAtPsvAKEC2AUY2lm_Miy78rbpJargr2Iy9hzIOA5NraWbDk5TAdawn_yXPDndz9lB9Go6raGfYVXnc8EifIT8mE-8k/s1600/morita2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghktFPXbzO3VQbyQn1VchgbssN6Unq_dsI91Zt1O7I9oA00cdagZAtPsvAKEC2AUY2lm_Miy78rbpJargr2Iy9hzIOA5NraWbDk5TAdawn_yXPDndz9lB9Go6raGfYVXnc8EifIT8mE-8k/s1600/morita2.JPG" height="400" width="250" /></a></div>
<br />
BONUS: Want to go vintage? No one better than <a href="http://www.classicmoviehub.com/blog/classic-movie-legend-tribute-sessue-hayakawa/" target="_blank">Sessue Hayakawa</a>. Like <a href="http://radio-freedunmovin.tumblr.com/post/58221157017/sometimes-i-make-gifs" target="_blank">literally smoking hot</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYW49YVsZE1g4Rh6OoFHrbn-krn_wgeffNKTCwX0tHk4gNAF0f_AYHArrgRk2MTJ05Pe368XT0Ga3iwkO8FSUSt60LNEDuh4ld1lyyFgYI9_TgbJewOhQWUxJToeCwHEyajkUB7CFo3V-s/s1600/sh.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYW49YVsZE1g4Rh6OoFHrbn-krn_wgeffNKTCwX0tHk4gNAF0f_AYHArrgRk2MTJ05Pe368XT0Ga3iwkO8FSUSt60LNEDuh4ld1lyyFgYI9_TgbJewOhQWUxJToeCwHEyajkUB7CFo3V-s/s1600/sh.gif" height="290" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
And want to be really really au courant?! None better than poster boys of the region (like on things everywhere)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://dead-over-heels-rph.tumblr.com/post/35222400776/lee-min-ho-gifs" target="_blank">Lee Min Ho</a>; and<br />
<br />
<a href="https://33.media.tumblr.com/3b83821a9c5682e54087ca3881a5de00/tumblr_nbkco3T5xj1thbgkjo10_400.gif" target="_blank">Kim Soo Hyun</a>.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<br />
OK now lets's talk about Gong Li & Tony Leung and why did their movie NOT HAPPEN! I guess it is all for the better because total hotness=all round combustion. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-8971661950549460562012-05-25T23:43:00.001+10:002012-05-26T08:50:52.327+10:00Once Upon A Time in Lucknow<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I saw <a href="http://www.uiowa.edu/~incinema/Chaudhvin.html">Chaudhvin Ka Chand</a>.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This movie is part of a now dead genre, the
Muslim Social. As such it is like watching something moth balled surfacing into
the bright light, an anachronism but one so forgotten that it is not
as dreadful as you thought. It also stars <a href="http://subversive-lace.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/sorrows-of-young-vijay.html">Fat Flashman</a> who started as a joke
but I have grown fond of him! Here his Book of Nawabi Tehzeeb serves him ill so
we hope he is back in his red boudoir in his next outing:-) And away we go with
our pictorial guide:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSS32uHNUAiUGePInDaeidYsveBG-9RMVDyG1dnsANM0sqFurbdG_1nT7RUeAFL24qU2nNkA-cszPoCeZacL16oOCiWSlpla-BLSM5A2jxPHd1nrggm_Q_cTW3i7uFa-W58G-R8eRbaPe7/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSS32uHNUAiUGePInDaeidYsveBG-9RMVDyG1dnsANM0sqFurbdG_1nT7RUeAFL24qU2nNkA-cszPoCeZacL16oOCiWSlpla-BLSM5A2jxPHd1nrggm_Q_cTW3i7uFa-W58G-R8eRbaPe7/s320/1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
First let me say I love Censor Board certificates and
totally think they should be on Tees and personalised and mine is going to be a
certificate for Fat Flashman’s Lady in which I shall star as his Lady. Dream, dream, sigh. Anyway coming back to the movie, Fat Flashman is a rich nabob called Nawab/Pyare Mian (Rehman) and he hangs out a
fair bit with a bloke called Shazia (Johnny Walker) who is the kind of chap whose entire
purpose in life is to loiter in the bazaars, chat up lines in hand, in search
of comely ladies. The ladies of Lucknow
are all demure and shit though - unless they are old in which case they talk to
strange men and don’t bother to shut the hatch. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8sETw5fpKcUwLShzFxu8OeDBQdhTqnYgAAAyhI8G71AMa7SKUjsP6FLdO6jPeMblTaIyeN9yhLQkxcJPrwwjnzIQA30ChV7DKy3jhMatCbw7_laV-Mn2lGqdU1pDmpNeoN-Kdxo-rIBDd/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="85" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8sETw5fpKcUwLShzFxu8OeDBQdhTqnYgAAAyhI8G71AMa7SKUjsP6FLdO6jPeMblTaIyeN9yhLQkxcJPrwwjnzIQA30ChV7DKy3jhMatCbw7_laV-Mn2lGqdU1pDmpNeoN-Kdxo-rIBDd/s320/2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Jameela (Waheeda Rehman) here however has a propensity to remove her veil at
all inopportune moments and here she is doing just that. Nawab who until then has been reciting
chapter and verse of Nawabi Tehzeeb to Shaiza the Sleaze suddenly forgets
himself when he sees Jameela and is all happy and shit and thinking yay yay One
True Pairing (OTP) and can't take his eyes of her and perhaps that smile is a bit creepy and Jameela thinks he is a perve and down goes the veil. Soon
she is lost in the crowd and you are thinking fuck life was hard for the Truehearts of Lucknow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCUR_a7dQLA4eKOAAkMbfzz2V8-_woHBMyZLVHCPJnkWBqz6w4FH5Xs0o2OTB0W0lEuL0VRPs7SXlxWmr82hA_M-GPIafYQcisKjOi2wVfIcPaUJKOVb9Elsb0unSZSbZbwQq-YeCnF2UJ/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCUR_a7dQLA4eKOAAkMbfzz2V8-_woHBMyZLVHCPJnkWBqz6w4FH5Xs0o2OTB0W0lEuL0VRPs7SXlxWmr82hA_M-GPIafYQcisKjOi2wVfIcPaUJKOVb9Elsb0unSZSbZbwQq-YeCnF2UJ/s320/3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Nawab’s sister is around so its LADIES PARTY TIME! OTP
Jameela rocks along to the party and just so you know that this is not an OTP,
spies Nawab’s picture and calls him an ugly fool. And he spots her and hears
this and is totes happy because everyone knows in lady talk ugly fool=Love Ya! OTP! Meanwhile the ladies are all singing and eye
rolling and Nawab is spying and hey has totally discarded that Tehzeeb Book.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwWk6WBKLiAts3KpzA2lHmYuWFXhoO3lv-FIBfumNm2J14_lwh1VR2rmtYtcWZIXGW9HRxcRg5zTnhtgop3phcLUsPWeo2dDcxso2Q0uc6KWj4EVJxNlFwI87_Uc2iAAXi0-FOG_40HY2x/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwWk6WBKLiAts3KpzA2lHmYuWFXhoO3lv-FIBfumNm2J14_lwh1VR2rmtYtcWZIXGW9HRxcRg5zTnhtgop3phcLUsPWeo2dDcxso2Q0uc6KWj4EVJxNlFwI87_Uc2iAAXi0-FOG_40HY2x/s320/4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
What with spying and chasing Jameela, Nawab ends up with a
piece of her dupatta. And his lady maid
is going to find out who the dupatta belongs to! Exciting! Only Jameela exchanges
the dupatta with a friend. Everyone does this right, I myself have a stock of other ladies duppatas! So the lady maid gets it all wrong. Meanwhile Shaiza and Super Dost,
Aslam (Guru Dutt) come along and Nawab is YAY boys now I want to fling
fucking red hearts all around because I found my OTP!! Also looks like Lucknowi Tehzeeb likes its lady servants
unveiled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5eCQFyE_8cQV3_B5lIl0efUROMkTQIlcKiLTXOlY7cZoaE1JislhblOxZRH_-M_KZmUYdpYk_7o97J3iQVrhs2waAs8agWkJOaHmQ6tiAxL3qKeScRDe9Fj_STrKKU_6U46q_9-ryyRgQ/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5eCQFyE_8cQV3_B5lIl0efUROMkTQIlcKiLTXOlY7cZoaE1JislhblOxZRH_-M_KZmUYdpYk_7o97J3iQVrhs2waAs8agWkJOaHmQ6tiAxL3qKeScRDe9Fj_STrKKU_6U46q_9-ryyRgQ/s320/5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
This here is Nawab’s mother. All her dialogues consist of
tumhari shaadi bas ho jaye, man it must be VERY TEDIOUS to be an old lady
actor. She’s found a match, the daughter
of the maulvi but Nawab is no maulvi girls will stand between me and my OTP!!
But nope the mom has promised the maulvi. So off he goes to meet Super Dost
to convince him to marry The Maulvi’s Daughter. Turns out its Nawab who is the super dost who has helped Aslam a
great deal. I am all mixed feelings here R, should I stay
loyal to Fat Flashman or is that Aslam daku moustache a bit menacing or what? I feel
the slightest degree of a swoon!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXfN5eX-7SlTZxNANEjQEhS7Zd4ShJyFO_24gJUajIR1Sn9tlaZaqNdOICeD4eVp1RvMkFTeaM_2hIEJwq0dNpW5lrGiiEcR6SzKLbqwCfHhLqaSx_zexhp5znfXiwxyVwka6Tc_RrY-pO/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXfN5eX-7SlTZxNANEjQEhS7Zd4ShJyFO_24gJUajIR1Sn9tlaZaqNdOICeD4eVp1RvMkFTeaM_2hIEJwq0dNpW5lrGiiEcR6SzKLbqwCfHhLqaSx_zexhp5znfXiwxyVwka6Tc_RrY-pO/s320/6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Nawab here has opened his book and figured out the correct gesture to be made per tehzeeb when trying to shut up a friend singing your
praises and we can both agree he looks Stoopid. But let's abandon Aslam too since both are being all tehzeeby and
deciding that Aslam gets to marry the Maulvi’s daughter. If you don’t know who
the Maulvi’s daughter is, aap Hindi Cinema ki pariksha mein fail!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxBQUej0llCAKYBYXVw_f0MgDV5hh2OVTUpfhOaZt7Dg6HF501DRMHmgynAuLBntsuZnCBsND86cxKp5oQvzpDePkY_RBYYZY86IEuex9WNdWfLhQjIf-SjYVMCocwJiKbtWAp4UkpXfA/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxBQUej0llCAKYBYXVw_f0MgDV5hh2OVTUpfhOaZt7Dg6HF501DRMHmgynAuLBntsuZnCBsND86cxKp5oQvzpDePkY_RBYYZY86IEuex9WNdWfLhQjIf-SjYVMCocwJiKbtWAp4UkpXfA/s320/7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Soon Aslam is having a fancy schmancy wedding through which
we have to Suffer the Shaiza and then he is in a non-red boudoir strictly meant
for the ladies amongst us who like gauze, pink, moonlight, shairi – that is not
us – and then its veil lifting time and this here is his bride. You may please stop reading if you hadn’t
like guessed the bride by now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGvrffUxrv0rulC88yDWxvauP1WEAGd8BHmxI3Q4s4Zp_fS6CgR_tcvUdb654hrBkkx1WOwGiDP0OJ5005b4nemS4gxif4mbHzXSHd8yDNoOpac4f7JC8M-4VxRkehUzfYqjT-38h97LRa/s1600/8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGvrffUxrv0rulC88yDWxvauP1WEAGd8BHmxI3Q4s4Zp_fS6CgR_tcvUdb654hrBkkx1WOwGiDP0OJ5005b4nemS4gxif4mbHzXSHd8yDNoOpac4f7JC8M-4VxRkehUzfYqjT-38h97LRa/s320/8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Nawab chasing the wrong dupatta thinks that this
lady here is his OTP inamorta and manages to arrange a meeting. Except the
lady gets all scared by the way too ardent admirer. Meanwhile Aslam is doing some boudoir
seduction and while as 20 year olds we might have sat before TVs and been swoon
swoon over <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ud2rsMT5ng">Chaudhvin ka Chand Ho</a>, now you are thinking does a song really need
THAT many fucking similies?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkEB-t15zC5a3ZcCTOh5c2gF2w9RVgOcDJehIhJT6n05C-c6HDwrBkJ3TBe8zDSkYdpQaPYWekgPBd3XGjlYt8ItDeaHsukA1FCVb-Hzs4B384oDwu-nVYKIhY1UxV8F9W8oz1Chy4NT-l/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkEB-t15zC5a3ZcCTOh5c2gF2w9RVgOcDJehIhJT6n05C-c6HDwrBkJ3TBe8zDSkYdpQaPYWekgPBd3XGjlYt8ItDeaHsukA1FCVb-Hzs4B384oDwu-nVYKIhY1UxV8F9W8oz1Chy4NT-l/s320/9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
So the wrong OTP inamorata doesn’t turn up and Nawab gets beaten up and the
friends turn up to rally his spirits, keep your chin up lad, Mystery Lady shall
soon be yours! Then they are all in a market place and Shaiza is in disguise
all the better to trap the ladies.
Ladies, never trust a beard. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8OCYu6LG7HLfcsPTseCgPFLuRfV2qacxJQvLzvEEreFPgWcNrLGDf9bHaIIvKuuuSfCQZjAlYijTDd2brkhty6uIS_hJK1OZIALyp8NZhgZxhBMXg3L1EwTV30SeK3KAgX3ufcpgRfWQN/s1600/10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8OCYu6LG7HLfcsPTseCgPFLuRfV2qacxJQvLzvEEreFPgWcNrLGDf9bHaIIvKuuuSfCQZjAlYijTDd2brkhty6uIS_hJK1OZIALyp8NZhgZxhBMXg3L1EwTV30SeK3KAgX3ufcpgRfWQN/s320/10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Is Jameela a tease? She is forever unveiling herself in bazaars. And exchanging stuff, this time the burqa with this girl here. Shaiza who knows she is
Nawab’s OTP but not Aslam’s wife, clicks a picture. And here’s the thing, THERE
IS NO FUCKING FURTHER MENTION OF THIS PICTURE. I must now add that to IMDB bloopers. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFJh37qTHXFNqTuW2qGUMpxqfNCTcxXkmAVrgYLvekr7ZqPVoJ_rtVJETSRf5OwBBajZFANHtv1O6d8lJa2ZsSPeUz8qgBkePAq6I2lELiMYWvePFotR4rEbEb2VZKd9DOM3WK1yikatY4/s1600/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFJh37qTHXFNqTuW2qGUMpxqfNCTcxXkmAVrgYLvekr7ZqPVoJ_rtVJETSRf5OwBBajZFANHtv1O6d8lJa2ZsSPeUz8qgBkePAq6I2lELiMYWvePFotR4rEbEb2VZKd9DOM3WK1yikatY4/s320/11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
That burqa exchange means Aslam now thinks Mystery Lady is
his relative and arranges a match between her and Nawab. Meanwhile Shaiza seems to be sweet on a
dancing lady who is – relief – unveiled. Though I have no idea why he gets
around in this disguise like ALL THE TIME. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKEnTHUIDa-Qti13Ale1wBJm2FKiqsAbRfuLC1bRCq0Xs_xdIGIjZFhdcLeQ32tI4YsHcS4U6MRjtcHX4_Qbo1fr76iEnjpSv4kM448aM2nkZG95NPIBDUuMNChDRrJWabSZBfDn0NGmfm/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKEnTHUIDa-Qti13Ale1wBJm2FKiqsAbRfuLC1bRCq0Xs_xdIGIjZFhdcLeQ32tI4YsHcS4U6MRjtcHX4_Qbo1fr76iEnjpSv4kM448aM2nkZG95NPIBDUuMNChDRrJWabSZBfDn0NGmfm/s320/12.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Here’s Jameela again, a woman who clearly doesn’t know how
to use her veil appropriately because she has rocked up to the front door of
her house WITHOUT WEARING ONE! Nawab comes in and thinks she is the relative he
is getting married to and is all refined Nawabi glee and this is getting on my
nerves and I need to calm myself with a dose of Fucking Fat Flashman (though
not perhaps the way I put it here as he is quite dead) but I will soon be back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5UlKEdNmcAsvXUSH8-0KozkKAnVd8yjpr6C9EWGYYQvtRJIfwDVj3NLUlt2NemJFFYZ5Ne9bnDC-6-Geg_VQ4h5zWijs9PMyogzJm59GurQKEZvoOK2rn8n_BCfHOqwfXDx3XFHzRv25g/s1600/13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5UlKEdNmcAsvXUSH8-0KozkKAnVd8yjpr6C9EWGYYQvtRJIfwDVj3NLUlt2NemJFFYZ5Ne9bnDC-6-Geg_VQ4h5zWijs9PMyogzJm59GurQKEZvoOK2rn8n_BCfHOqwfXDx3XFHzRv25g/s320/13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
But Aslam knows otherwise and is yay I am the Tragedy King and can now be sunk
in gloom and look tortured because I know my best mate has his mitts on my wife
and would like nothing more than to fuck her. Jameela - who STILL doesn't know that Nawab wants her badly - is all fuck my veil-less opening of doors has served me ill and there is nothing left to do but weep and mope. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvFdiTLqYdQIU77aXyjx3j9EqyBkHT2ifpa8jlneJ176OMjbnyk9ibL6aWsS8GrNiKCq82qmSARwkBBrPGraZM0_rXKYAwJu3auLQoEqcwVdNpZVur9PX3u1jpRAHDCw2SooaN4AaACqds/s1600/15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvFdiTLqYdQIU77aXyjx3j9EqyBkHT2ifpa8jlneJ176OMjbnyk9ibL6aWsS8GrNiKCq82qmSARwkBBrPGraZM0_rXKYAwJu3auLQoEqcwVdNpZVur9PX3u1jpRAHDCw2SooaN4AaACqds/s320/15.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Is there something creepy in going to look at an erotic
dance by your best mate’s girl in order to get your wife to want to divorce you so she can marry your super dost? Looks like Lucknowi Nawabi Tehzeeeb says no. But
the friends are deeply concerned by the ruinous ways of Aslam. And that’s
not another Shaiza disguise, he’s got himself a police job all the better to
fancy the ladies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxQy1sRrJNrcyLlaXsa7_p49FFDU0GTnoFh-woUzESXe4BRWNpPO9Br4BZN6Gz9NwouYHeV7qNzzX45O7z9aF0Rfpgmq4Ku36nDcghZkND7JEPRhsM7PyOsNXr7xfoINhmjobEEoddY5J9/s1600/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxQy1sRrJNrcyLlaXsa7_p49FFDU0GTnoFh-woUzESXe4BRWNpPO9Br4BZN6Gz9NwouYHeV7qNzzX45O7z9aF0Rfpgmq4Ku36nDcghZkND7JEPRhsM7PyOsNXr7xfoINhmjobEEoddY5J9/s320/16.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Aslam's kotha hopping results in Jameela’s tough brothers rocking up and Aslam is all I
will divorce your sister only you MUST re-marry her to Nawab. Jameela is not like
Fuck why Nawab but I will never ever leave you. So that’s the end of Bad Aslam
In Search of A Divorce for the sake of
His Best Friend. But Aslam Super Dost has to do something so that Nawab gets
his girl and that there is how you look when you are planning your own death.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAJe9_2oBHODt671ipr3WArWQ0h0JcOvfh2QRK6UihW3-Qg6MivoO2UdeUYKK8b_h9sQ2yM4MFgMB1QR9H0gud8OX4WFaWS3wGXstRrmgOV2rPcx7yBetLDPXc7c291cFCiN1WLUf6jSji/s1600/14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAJe9_2oBHODt671ipr3WArWQ0h0JcOvfh2QRK6UihW3-Qg6MivoO2UdeUYKK8b_h9sQ2yM4MFgMB1QR9H0gud8OX4WFaWS3wGXstRrmgOV2rPcx7yBetLDPXc7c291cFCiN1WLUf6jSji/s320/14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Nawab is all set to marry the wrong girl but
rushes off to pick up Aslam because he hasn’t bothered to turn up for the wedding party because well he is
planning to die remember. And
inexplicably Aslam is not wife, disrobe at once, but wife dress up in wedding
finery one last time. I am beginning to
have doubts about this Tehzeeb book. Though of course its helpful Jameela didn’t
disrobe because like Nawab comes over and realises that his OTP IS ASLAM'S WIFE! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Q9UkN2Bh39lkoLlK6-ZODO1mQS3PJYswhmLEk-9PKcKJpe-DLJZEpa24KsTGj4S8YIHDLJGzguH3PH9zvpiLND-70PyGr2uGFwlqr8QEV_hSt58s-cmczMjfUOsTBO0SlIj7dFdm9X7M/s1600/17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6Q9UkN2Bh39lkoLlK6-ZODO1mQS3PJYswhmLEk-9PKcKJpe-DLJZEpa24KsTGj4S8YIHDLJGzguH3PH9zvpiLND-70PyGr2uGFwlqr8QEV_hSt58s-cmczMjfUOsTBO0SlIj7dFdm9X7M/s320/17.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Poor Nawab is all shattered when he thinks of all the lust
filled days that came to naught and what could have been if he had said yes to
the Maulvi’s daughter. I am afraid I was distracted by the velvet and
embroidered hearts, don’t you fancy a man who is not scared of sequins?!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH33RW4LKTGPsCW0NhU_OZxugmRrfAPIYqJaqGrr3dvStKjg6L2qPezo38uJZ19PFLOn_OpfmQJ_DZVZ-7Y0SraNhOV13ZTNIA0f2M6-41qzZlxnpdoEwoK2CPWf4YYhx7zBxVqt-MobYZ/s1600/18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH33RW4LKTGPsCW0NhU_OZxugmRrfAPIYqJaqGrr3dvStKjg6L2qPezo38uJZ19PFLOn_OpfmQJ_DZVZ-7Y0SraNhOV13ZTNIA0f2M6-41qzZlxnpdoEwoK2CPWf4YYhx7zBxVqt-MobYZ/s320/18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="text-align: justify;">The Tehzeeb Book apparently said Shame on You for Lusting After Another's Wife! So poor Nawab chooses Death<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"> </span></span></span><span style="text-align: justify;">by Diamonds and looking at that picture you know greater love has no
man etc. and we have finally finally arrived at the correct OTP! Yay! And Aslam is
all Jameela, enough of this unveiling shit, put that thing down RIGHT NOW! And Jameela STILL doesn't know what the fuck happened. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And now that it is over Fat Flashman, you may please go back to The Sadist's Handbook and drinking games.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
____*_____</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I expected to have lots of eyeroll moments given the theme of Chaudhvin Ka Chand but given everything it wasn't half bad. I say this often but the way dialogue is written and delivered makes a difference and here it lends a natural flow to the film. The film is also slightly ambiguous, ostensibly an ode to the culture of Lucknow its neither very flamboyant nor does it particularly milk its dramatic moments. Something else seems to flow beneath its surface though its not a critique of the culture either. If it is an ode, it comes across as a faintly subversive ode to Lucknow. As it stands, it seems intended to be a homage to male friendship, both on screen and off given the three actors worked together in a number of films. </div>
</div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-19220764263896780412012-03-25T19:30:00.000+11:002012-03-26T15:00:11.643+11:00Ra.Onestein or The Modern Franken.One<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ra_one_2011/">Ra.One</a>. <br />
<br />
The <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ramayana">Ramayana</a> had a flying monkey, a bad man with ten heads, monkeys building
bridges, a flying machine, an illusory deer and a pair of slippers on the
throne of Ayodhaya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a pretty hard
act to top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This “live blog”/ankhon
dekha haal of a supposed modern adaptation skips along on its own time (yes I
know the running time is 156 minutes!) because that’s how long it felt. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
9:00 pm: Good Lord, I am living with rays, frequencies, kikikirans! PARANOIA
ALERT! OK a nice lady scientist just told me it’s digital data flying around.<br />
<br />
9:05 pm:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Nice </span>Lady Scientist Jenny
(<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shahana_Goswami">Shahana Goswami</a>) is trying to beam in a picture without a computer, puncturing
the real-virtual interface and so on at a presentation. Old firangs in audience astonished/aghast at
pure Indian brilliance.<br />
<br />
9:20 pm: A superdude called Lucifer (Shahrukh Khan) is flying around.
A desi girl in Red (Priyanka Chopra) is all Go Lucifer Go! <br />
<br />
9:25 pm: Random insert from Hong Kong film of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Iski Lee, Uski Lee, Sabki Lee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lady relatives of Bruce Lee, I presume. <br />
<br />
9: 35 pm: BIG DADDY vs LUCIFER is on. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually its Khalnayak-Sanjay Dutt (doing a
tapori accent for the nth time) vs the Lucifer Mobile. <br />
<br />
9: 40 pm: Sanjay Dutt has a BIG gun. Promised myself no dick jokes.<br />
<br />
9:45 pm: Desi Girl in Red is falling through the time-space continuum. The Khalnayak
may have been castrated, he is speaking in a girl voice. <br />
<br />
9:46 pm: It’s the teacher speaking. D’oh! it’s all a dream. Boy dreaming it needs to
see a shrink if this constitutes his classroom fantasies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
10:00 pm: Prateek the Boy’s father is a Shekhar Subramanian (Sharukh Khan),
resident of London Town. Antithesis of superhero. Eats thair shaadam and says
Aiyo! Has curly hair. It’s all like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg-yQ_eR3eg">Mehmood</a> wore pant shirt but kept the
nariyal paaniwala accent. Seriously people we are willing to train you so you
have a proper Tamil Accent! <br />
<br />
10:10 pm:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shekhar also Sexless Tamil Man.
Meets Busty Blonde Girl. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Doesn’t want to
see her tits, just her keys. We are like that only.<br />
<br />
10:15 pm: Is that a Sam Pitroda look alike as a tech honcho? Was this movie
thought up in the 90s?<br />
<br />
10:20 pm: Sexless Tamil Man all sexy at home. Because the wife Sonia looks
like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kareena_Kapoor">Kareena K</a>. <br />
<br />
10:25 pm: Feminist Sonia has a day job converting swear words relating to the
female anatomy to its male version. Sonia, they already EXIST, we will email
you a few! <br />
<br />
10:26 pm: Sexless Tamil Man eating curd and noodles. <br />
<br />
10:30 pm: Pleasant thoughts on my part of setting up a Curd with Everything<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">TM</span></sup>
range ranging from mild to teeth tingling sour<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">TM</span></sup> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bottled curd. Anytime anywhere your
sushi/steak/Aussie pie/pizza etc. can be improved with a dash of our special
curd! As Shekhar’s fingers rhythmically <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mash mash also plan to rebrand Tamil cuisine. All
Finger Foods<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">TM</span></sup>, Lick Them Fingers<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">TM</span></sup> – it’s all finger
licking good! <br />
<br />
11:00 pm In the meantime Prateek has been insolent, Shekhar<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>has done a Michael Jackson impersonation,
there is a sexy teacher song, a video game was played – man, this kid seems a
wee bit obsessed with villains, he might grow up to be a serial killer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blame it on the Sonia genes.<br />
<br />
11:05 pm:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sexless Tamil Man has
Chinese colleague called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Wu">Akashi</a>. Insert Jackie Chan Jokes – only Chinese person
us Indians know.<br />
<br />
11:10 pm:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Game is Afoot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shekhar, Jenny, Akashi making video game for Prateek. Send the insufferable child to Boot Camp instead! <br />
<br />
11:15 pm: Bad Thing: Ra.One, Good Thing: G.One. There is a Hertz Amplifying
Resonance Transmitter (HART). Yay for Science!<br />
<br />
11:20 pm:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The game has a blue heart,
a red heart and an Anti-Heart Gun (to kill exes, to inoculate against
romance?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You kill and be killed. It’s
all in a lab that looks like Ajit the Loin-Hearted’s Den preserved in Liquid
Oxygen.<br />
<br />
11:25 pm: Dad and son meet the only English goon who speaks in Hindi. Sexless
Tamil Man is also a coward and runs away. Resolves to make superhero game with
badmash superstrong invincible villain to make up to villain fixated son. <br />
<br />
11:30 pm: A little later the Pitroda look alike is presenting the Ra.One
game in a shiny suit with satin lapels like a small town boxing promoter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
11:35 pm: Launch party song with nary an AIYO in it. Apparently video games
are launched with booty shake dances. Sonia I have no desire to see the colour
of your panties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
11:40 pm: I fear for the sanity of this film.<br />
<br />
11:45 pm: Franken.One is showing signs of life.<br />
<br />
11:50 pm: What the fuck. I hear the word Lucifer being bandied. Why is there
a Lucifer in this homage to our beloved dear epic?!<br />
<br />
11:55 pm: Game On! Boy Prateek as Lucifer faces off against Franken.One oops
Ra.One but leaves midway. Ra.One is a J Lopez Level Diva who swears revenge for
being so spurned.<br />
<br />
11:56 pm: Did no one test the game before Prateek! <br />
<br />
12:00 pm: Like in a 80s video arcade or bad horror film there is crackling
electricity and portentous music as Shekhar and Akashi try to fix Game Gone
Wild.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Game sensibly spits Ra.One out
into the real world. <br />
<br />
12:05 pm: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now Akashi is dead and Ra.One
looks like Akashi. Is this a metaphor for pan Asian rivalry? <br />
<br />
12:10 pm: Ra.One/Akashi searching for Lucifer meets Shekhar. Who is all It’s
me who is Lucifer and kapow he is dead too. Sigh, I was hoping they would disappear
Prateek. <br />
<br />
12:15 pm: Prateek is all Dad has been killed by the Game Ka Villian. Wonder
Boy goes to lab with Jenny and finds that Ra.One=Akashi=Looking for Lucifer. <br />
<br />
12:20 pm: Now there is a G.One who looks like Shahrukh Khan.<br />
<br />
12:25 pm: G.One and Ra.One fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With lifted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cars. Pfft, Dharmindar
BENT those cars before launching them as missiles. <br />
<br />
12:35 pm: Just like that Ra.One is dead. And G.One is travelling to Mumbai
as a pierced punk with Sonia and Prateek as their all-purpose bodyguard. The
gays LURVE him. Pity the same can’t be said of audience. <br />
<br />
12:45 pm: Why are there so many thugs at Mumbai airport? Why is Rajnikant
there looking like his wax face might melt/disintegrate anytime leaving an old,
bald South Indian actor? <br />
<br />
12:50 pm: Several days later Prateek realises G.One looks like automaton
Shekhar. Children too much game playing will addle your brains. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
12:55 pm: I think G.One just said Cunt Cunt Cunt Off. That’s how he says
Control Off. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
12:56: G.One, Sonia and Prateek are bonding. But no I had Sex with an Automaton for the perverse. <br />
<br />
1:05 pm: But look who’s here! Ra.One is in town for the Dusshera party (phew
finally an epic nod!). He looks like Arjun Rampal. 10 heads is a LOT simpler
than this endless shape shifting. <br />
<br />
1:10 pm: Ra.One on Lucifer’s trail. Prateek is an unlikeable devil for sure.
<br />
<br />
1:15 pm: Briefly Sonia is Ra-One. Seriously. <br />
<br />
1:25 pm: Ra-One G.One showdown! <br />
<br />
1:26 pm: I think G.One’s crotch is on fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is it matters of the HART or overheated circuitry? <br />
<br />
1:35 pm: Ra.One is dead. So is G.One. Or alive. Or back in the game. Or
cryogenically preserved for a sequel. Whatever. On the wall it says GAME OVER so
it must be all over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
1:40 pm: A few months later Prateek has revived G.One’s HART.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So not HARTed. I just wanted him G.One Baby G.One.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<o:p>_*_ </o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p>This movie must appeal to someone but for the life of me I can’t say who
will actually like this bewildering mess, including the 15-25 male demographic
at which such films are aimed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The movie
veers erratically from kid flick to frat boy humour to masala pichar with item
songs (all equally hateful) to homage to superhero/sci-fi flicks churned out by
Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And like with most superhero
movies all the tech wizardy distinctly underwhelms. And Mr. Khan, a reliably
bad actor, sends the Ham-O-Meter (that’s the kind of dated American slang this
movie likes) way, way off the chart here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
And this is no updated Ramayana.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
more likely the result of an afternoon spent watching numerous DVDs, drinking a
whole case of cheap wine until all your brain cells are soaked in alcohol and
then making a movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pity they weren’t handing
out shots of that cheap wine to us before the film. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-41477463273459900972012-01-17T00:33:00.001+11:002012-01-17T18:10:03.020+11:00Mahatma in Madras<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://www.hindu.com/cp/2007/11/30/stories/2007113050341600.htm">Naam Iruvar</a>. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7R-xbTGE6k078qx-FBwnuSSCoPMj4JUbnOlYqQjHXT8s_IKl0MGxWHZv0TClTNrARaMlWmy6aBvNDT1v30ChpCkDIxaIdlUri9nGEfIrZ89EHvcV1roULwo5Wv0imavcjuwiA57tG4djF/s1600/Naam_Iruvar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7R-xbTGE6k078qx-FBwnuSSCoPMj4JUbnOlYqQjHXT8s_IKl0MGxWHZv0TClTNrARaMlWmy6aBvNDT1v30ChpCkDIxaIdlUri9nGEfIrZ89EHvcV1roULwo5Wv0imavcjuwiA57tG4djF/s320/Naam_Iruvar.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mr&Mrs 47: Sukumar and Kannama</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhseh1Lni_e2bKX6eSVzfdwahCSnruuE3u-IIj1M5wYLlgRE9bfaQQdc_l_z_Qzd4FBQnnZ9BSFDJg_QmDk_RoHu2jiFqfJiK6jfc9-k9ceZ_dyX7MzPddonAKkGDMe2MREhQaYaoP-22s4/s1600/niruvar+%25281024x638%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="199" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhseh1Lni_e2bKX6eSVzfdwahCSnruuE3u-IIj1M5wYLlgRE9bfaQQdc_l_z_Qzd4FBQnnZ9BSFDJg_QmDk_RoHu2jiFqfJiK6jfc9-k9ceZ_dyX7MzPddonAKkGDMe2MREhQaYaoP-22s4/s320/niruvar+%25281024x638%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Smoke break for Hanuman and Hanumantha</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This movie was released in the January of 1947 when feelings of nationalism presumably ran high and independence was imminent. Judiciously, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.V._Meiyappan">AVM</a> took a play on estranged brothers and social ills, added a dash of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subramanya_Bharathi">Bharathi </a>by way of songs and smothered the whole thing in Gandhi worship to come up with Naam Iruvar (We Two). 1947’s patriotic masala pichar unfolds thus. <em>Note: The links are to film clips (the entire film is on youtube) - not to the songs. </em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yippee, straightaway <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rCAD35PUP8&feature=related">CYCLE SONG</a>! Sukumar (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T._R._Mahalingam_(actor)">TR Mahalingam</a>) and Kannamma (T.A. Jayalakshmi) are pals. Sukumar is an adorable cherub of the kind girls chastely kiss at sixteen and Kannamma is the kind of girl whose sari is carefully in place and she is wearing sensible shoes. When they part, they say JAI HIND! Ah 1947 lovers!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sukumar then meets his sister, Kamala (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumari_Kamala">Kumari Kamala</a>) and they are off to a Subramanya Bharathi felicitation. DANCE! CHARKHA FLAG! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yD6hF06WtjA">PATRIOTIC SONG</a>! SPEECH! Mr Bharathi is great and Mr Gandhi is super great! JAI HIND! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Sukumar’s brother Jayakumar (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B._Ramakrishnaiah_Panthulu">B.R. Panthulu</a>) is aghast at his rich old man (A.K. Sarangapani?) who wants to marry a girl young enough to be his granddaughter. Since the Dad is bent on his lecherous ways and won’t listen to Jayakumar’s voice of reason (albeit a very dull one) they soon part ways. Sukumar and Kamala are also all "Appa, this is too much I say!" and throw in their lot with the very uptight and very honourable Jayakumar. Soon they are all nicely settled in a new house and young Kamala has even set up a shrine for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pk26FgdvZ0">Mr. Gandhi</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Enter Vishwam who is Kannamma’s maama and hoping to marry her. He is a thoroughly bad sort because he is in vellakaran suit boot and hangs out with a gang in English suits one of whom egads has a very fluffy white dog (such symbolism, remind me to keep company only with brown dogs!). Vishwam is trying to convince Kannamma to marry him. Clever and witty Kannamma gives him the slip - but not before saying JAI HIND, Maama! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jayakumar and Sukumar are like Raam-Laxman. That is Sukumar has little to do and lives on allowances from his brother. Mrs Jayakumar is a bit unhappy with this but that hardly deters Sukumar from his evening fun. His idea of fun is to sit in parks with lakes and ducks and sing at the top of his voice with the utmost ease. Soon he is joined by Kannamma and they are singing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkCuK3xBnVU&feature=related">a sweet ditty</a>. January 1947, swing, love duet, Sukumar of the melodious voice. HEAVEN! And Kannamma’s sari ornaments – hearted!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now time for Kannamma’s parents. Kannamma’s mother wants her to marry her brother Vishwam, her dad, Mr Shanmugham Pillai (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/V._K._Ramasamy">V.K. Ramasamy</a>) is no way am I getting my daughter married to that good for nothing rascal living off me! Plus the Dad is worshipping at the shrine of MONEY and is contemplating a marriage proposal from a Mr. Ramaswamy Pillai. Who is none other than the dad of Jayakumar and Sukumar. The parents quarrel, the maama behaves inappropriately and is thrown OUT! So off he goes to meet his Gang but not before exposing Kannamma’s dalliance with Sukumar. Poor Kannamma now has her movements restricted though Sukumar does appear from time to time in her dreams. Though he is not making violent love just singing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLqzVRFmFxc">songs</a> (any resemblance to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juBFcMJhUmg&feature=related">ankhiyan mile ke</a> purely umm coincidental). The dilemmas of romancing a singer!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Maama and his Gang are now in need of easy money and Sukumar is the idiot they choose to fleece of his wealth. This however requires his estrangement from Mr Purse Strings aka Anna Jayakumar. Sukumar shall no longer be a su-kumar! Watch Sukumar’s slow corruption! Here is Sukumar smoking! Here he is in a club! Here he is drinking! Here he is watching a dancing girl! And now he is agreeing to finance a Mr Hanumantha Rao’s film! Never trust the Gultis! <br />
<br />
Now everyone is singing “There is no greater BROTHER than a FRIEND” which is what you do when you fall into English ways and call everyone Brother. And sucks to tightwad Tamil Annas who dole out allowances! <br />
<br />
So Sukumar returns home and tries to steal money for the film but is caught by Jayakumar who misguidedly gives a high minded speech. At which Sukumar is sod it, he is a moralising freak with devious intentions and totally wants to keep my share. He then drinks some more, slaps Kamala, misbehaves with Jayakumar and demands the splitting of their wealth. And Jayakumar cries and speechifies but Sukumar stands firm in the midst of brotherly histrionics and takes away his share. Oh Sukumar you are a very bad boy. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Mr. Ramaswamy Pillai’s proposal for Kannamma is not all smooth sailing. Kannamma’s Dad, the Greed is Good guy, is holding out the carrot of marriage but not delivering - all the better to divest Mr. Ramaswamy Pillai of his wealth. And Kannamma herself is all sadface now that she can no longer meet Sukumar but this is soon remedied when she confesses all to her mother and her mother is all ditch Vishwam, you go girl and marry Sukumar. But Sukumar is too busy being bad. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Time for Sukumar’s film venture! Mr Hanumantha Rao is going to make a mythological called Veera Hanuman! The Gang goes berserk with Hanumantha-Hanuman jokes, Vishwam hires a top shot actress who is a bit of a diva and has a Telugu prompter, 1947 style. No Telugus were offended in the making <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-cBRgsK-ko&feature=related">of this film</a>! Soon the diva has walked off and its pack up! Now Sukumar calls the Gang for a meeting for he is in deep shit as he is over budget and way behind schedule. The meeting is disrupted by his creditors and he is soon in prison and all Woe is Me, my "brothers" have deserted me and now let me sing I want my Anna!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sukumar’s Dad fixed on his pursuit of Kannamma as his wife couldn’t care less about Sukumar’s fate. But all is well on the Jayakumar front for he gets Sukumar out of prison and his little bro is all Anna Jayakumar you are a GREAT SOUL who I have utterly wronged! And Kamala is yippee three cheers to Karuna Murti Gandhi Mahatma for reuniting us and let’s sing another song! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The gang disperses and the Maama resumes his pursuit of Kannamma who is all sadface about Sukumar not having bothered to meet her ever since he turned bad. But still feisty enough to ward off the Maama. Meanwhile Kannamma’s mother, sick of the sadface encourages her to write to Sukumar. Sukumar in turn confesses all to his brother and everyone is ta da MARRIAGE! Except Kannamma’s father who obsessed with money making schemes turns away Jayakumar when he arrives with a proposal. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is also the small matter of Mr. Ramaswamy Pillai pressing his suit, unbeknowest to all. Soon he figures out that Kannamma’s father is leading him on and is Tamil Nadu ka No. 1 blackmarketeer and has no intention of arranging a marriage with Kannamma. He walks away furious and hell bent on revenge. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now everyone is getting their just desserts! Kannamma’s father loses his money! Now he has been shot by Sukumar's Dad! Kannamma finds the body! Sukumar sees her with a knife in her hand! Both get arrested for the murder! COURT CASE! Both want to hang for the murder! But so does Mr Morals, Jayakumar, who is busy emoting "I am the murderer and such a saintly prick!" But just then the boys’ father, Mr. Ramaswamy Pillai, arrives and confesses to the murder and is dispatched to the Andamans but not before like reforming completely and blessing Sukumar and Kannamma. And soon everyone is at a Gandhi felicitation, spinning charkhas, donating to Harijan welfare etc. And just like that, rather randomly, we get treated to a long Kumari Kamala performance tacked on to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg0zmzzPets&feature=related">the end of the movie</a>. JAI HIND!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Nam Iruvar is a film with its eye very firmly on the Box Office but engaging enough as a social drama. Its theatrical origins are quite clear though the dialogue is a lot simpler and cleaner than the high, pretentious language of later Tamil films. It reinforces sentiments dear to the middle classes but none of this is mockable though the virtuous elder brother shtick drags down the film at times (it doesn’t help that there seem to be different styles of acting at play in the film with Panthulu/Jayakumar delivering his lines in a rather archaic manner). It’s cast is presumably drawn from the stage and they are all on good form. TR Mahalingam is in it of course for his singing – I had never heard him before but he is very good and seemingly at ease even when singing a difficult song (though perhaps he is not to the taste of modern audiences). And in spite of its populism, the movie does capture something of the feel of the country on the eve of independence. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Two things struck me about the film. First, how normal the women are in the films I have seen from the 40s. There is little hint of excessive coyness or reinforcement of notions of servility and the like. Sukumar and Kannamma (by the by the Kannamma name seems to be a nod to Bharathi) for e.g. are like a modern couple, their relationship playful and equal. Kannamma’s mother is pragmatic and encouraging. Kamala is a normal teen (well apart from her propensity to dance and sing but her devotion to Gandhi is much like any impressionable teen embracing causes). Second, to almost everyone in my family familiar with the Tamil language Subramanya Bharathi is God. My Tamil is inadequate in the face of poetry but you need to know just a little to understand that Bharathi is a writer par excellence, his verse lends weight to this film. His life is complex and tragic in itself but this was the only <a href="http://www.thehindu.com/arts/history-and-culture/article64748.ece">interesting</a> <a href="http://www.thehindu.com/arts/magazine/article67205.ece">account</a> I found (damn google, its search function is hopeless these days) of a poet who inspires hagiography - and the odd bit of scorn in the caste divided Tamil Nadu of today. </div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-72587333111622129472012-01-09T00:42:00.001+11:002012-01-11T11:05:01.344+11:00A Few Good Men<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So if I was 22 and knew everything I know now and set out to make a list of actors who are totally hot but for some reason lurk below the hotness radar never ever to have knickers thrown at them or girls screaming out their names in their dreams and all - and this is a good thing because they are meant for a select few - this is what the extremely random list would like. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCRbYNX9Wsdk468x6FwkEHapkvHs8warc078WynxUw5ffbLZmJwqz3p-ssHKSJvMq0WcFZf_GOG1Cu55GUsrTXPW6NH8FbgKu-VzTGVW7qcgJ3ozTWDcIJl-OdYv_XVxWciunq4ZhRRfn/s1600/rehman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoCRbYNX9Wsdk468x6FwkEHapkvHs8warc078WynxUw5ffbLZmJwqz3p-ssHKSJvMq0WcFZf_GOG1Cu55GUsrTXPW6NH8FbgKu-VzTGVW7qcgJ3ozTWDcIJl-OdYv_XVxWciunq4ZhRRfn/s320/rehman.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Most Excellent Fat Flashman! Sigh! <a href="http://www.upperstall.com/people/rehman">Rehman</a>'s best role was possibly as the extremely bored and extremely debauched husband in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sahib_Bibi_Aur_Ghulam">Sahib, Bibi aur Ghulam</a> and indeed the man has the air of someone who should have totally paired up with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36NsUgr5Heg">Nigar Sultana</a> to play an Indian <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Liaisons_Dangereuses">Valmont</a> corrupting innocent lasses.</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdmwb5pCiuEiLVr4UmZ6yfHLgKW9fbZ6EtRmLc_fVtjRNxJ8_Izxtf1pxaDO48AOZFILo0S_CTKtrTnzRb3XnygLOzIRqMsjxZHc7BYcsODFAAz8bYF8TXr-d9b1Eyagtzmng_lh_Bbiw/s1600/iftekhar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzdmwb5pCiuEiLVr4UmZ6yfHLgKW9fbZ6EtRmLc_fVtjRNxJ8_Izxtf1pxaDO48AOZFILo0S_CTKtrTnzRb3XnygLOzIRqMsjxZHc7BYcsODFAAz8bYF8TXr-d9b1Eyagtzmng_lh_Bbiw/s320/iftekhar.jpg" width="288" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Here's Mr <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iftekhar">Iftekhar</a> looking very suave and urbane and the sort of man who would not bat an eyelid at a menage a trois. Also excellent sugar daddy material. He would probably be totally cool about employing butter in Last Tango in Simla. But this is India, this is the 70s and we have Mr. Police Inspector and Daddy. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUzUrR5nOQ0Idkq8d-PjP8oF-FFWC0vGIJTdMOas5-rEiCSC0m4_NIn4ZE3Aoqw2oy6wYHv75mibpruq8J2g2Z6NLf_OdqXHwlVFr6jQFCIbMGFcum9vnrlOdTX86Gnj_UubSQAc7BvJ-/s1600/Shyam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUzUrR5nOQ0Idkq8d-PjP8oF-FFWC0vGIJTdMOas5-rEiCSC0m4_NIn4ZE3Aoqw2oy6wYHv75mibpruq8J2g2Z6NLf_OdqXHwlVFr6jQFCIbMGFcum9vnrlOdTX86Gnj_UubSQAc7BvJ-/s320/Shyam.jpg" width="237" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This man is conventionally hot what with that sqaure jaw and the ability to sing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqHxNTjY_Vc&feature=related">silly romantic songs</a> with Ms Suraiya. But <a href="http://www.upperstall.com/people/shyam">Shyam</a> died young and his hotness is quite quite forgotten so he makes the list. Plus he was <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadat_Hasan_Manto">Manto</a> ka dost. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY9os4K8327jpbV9u9jHtjLIAQbHpNj3BrmHz5RiKBvyNjp5YlfkNwOYtOIGywrNOsExqKmc1jjRlnYTIhs4rnuCVtLpyVNqajAoBPYzvsVx-ohY_GTaH6PvCR0cpvEuJCEuoJM50ARfmL/s1600/balraj-sahni.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY9os4K8327jpbV9u9jHtjLIAQbHpNj3BrmHz5RiKBvyNjp5YlfkNwOYtOIGywrNOsExqKmc1jjRlnYTIhs4rnuCVtLpyVNqajAoBPYzvsVx-ohY_GTaH6PvCR0cpvEuJCEuoJM50ARfmL/s320/balraj-sahni.jpg" width="234" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://www.upperstall.com/people/balraj-sahni">Mr Sahni</a> here is not the romantic hero. But in his time he was the actor most women thought would make an ideal husband. And Mr Sahni's assertions to the contrary did not quite dissuade them of this notion. Balraj, we like you too, who can be immune to that professorial hotness! But perhaps we will stop short of sweeping your floors like at the end of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsnW1vV6d1w">this movie</a>. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwy5WBvyKHKZFWQciqsjF00y2ksG4fV_41iTZ3CCFz53N76ZzLMEO6Ml3GkbBj8bJNjGdeNSue6aojEa5qFBFaiBmz4KB3CuH2cKkuiY1C9hf-q30wK0suE60vntWhqSaGWzymldndPaG_/s1600/Kirankumar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwy5WBvyKHKZFWQciqsjF00y2ksG4fV_41iTZ3CCFz53N76ZzLMEO6Ml3GkbBj8bJNjGdeNSue6aojEa5qFBFaiBmz4KB3CuH2cKkuiY1C9hf-q30wK0suE60vntWhqSaGWzymldndPaG_/s320/Kirankumar.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The 70s was all Mr Khanna and Mr Bachchan and the old types soldiering on. Pity folk like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiran_Kumar">Kiran Kumar</a> who did a few films as a romantic lead as an <a href="http://memsaabstory.wordpress.com/2010/11/22/aaj-ki-taaza-khabar-1973/">ineptly cute sort</a> before all that charm was wasted on <a href="http://www.upperstall.com/blogs/omar/dry-cooler-kevin-keegan-hairstyles-and-a-reverse-rape/"> Dracula</a>. Not all wasted though, wiki informs us he was a "ladies man" in his time. Plus if this pic is any indication, he is like Mr Iftekhar 2, a damn fine aged wine most would be happy to drink. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi087ycf8jCdFFm7DU7sW7DO1o8bulFxrhhF19ONupdH1fs0C_lj4CPSe51uYWmpMlA9yY77vRC4h3KTrHzn2KO8LgP08lqO3Xb5kjI8gB91ZzkgAkO7K7PY1zyno2LE0AL6vlpW7wX5wXh/s1600/anant+nag.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi087ycf8jCdFFm7DU7sW7DO1o8bulFxrhhF19ONupdH1fs0C_lj4CPSe51uYWmpMlA9yY77vRC4h3KTrHzn2KO8LgP08lqO3Xb5kjI8gB91ZzkgAkO7K7PY1zyno2LE0AL6vlpW7wX5wXh/s320/anant+nag.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anant_Nag">Mr Anant Nag</a> here was the Rajesh Khanna of parallel cinema and wiki tells me he was wildly popular in Karnataka. But damn if I can get a hot photo of the man off the Net. Mostly Mr Nag seemed the good looking sort indulged by women, a spoilt spoilt rake and totally <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalyug_(1981_film)">good enough for Rekha</a>. So let's just admire the flop of hair and the dreamy eyes and ignore the bad Hindi accent. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYPrudNkvghVisss_sPKE0-H65bfg186Nem-sD953Tg_3CKhGQN2raAdY2-1Y-8WcZOodG_Z1UI4eOHR6_ZTGRgUYvonm9xepRfj_J54-6u2_LcIFrjmNrJE_2AiF6m1H9u_BErw7fr3Fi/s1600/kkr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYPrudNkvghVisss_sPKE0-H65bfg186Nem-sD953Tg_3CKhGQN2raAdY2-1Y-8WcZOodG_Z1UI4eOHR6_ZTGRgUYvonm9xepRfj_J54-6u2_LcIFrjmNrJE_2AiF6m1H9u_BErw7fr3Fi/s1600/kkr.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And damn if I can find a picture of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K._K._Raina">KK Raina</a> (on the right here). KK Raina should have been the Balraj Sahni of the 80s but inexplicably he was cast only in side roles. Though it is entirely possible that there is an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_of_the_Conchords_(TV_series)">Indian Mel</a> somewhere with a scrapbook of Mr Raina's every appearance on screen. Damn, it could have been me!</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9jWqRhuOLTqHqCF-yYbhzCXKhmILXjOAs3T8fZikMZ3p9nVVvupIGbrekxfBZBkLFk71Z08K_f79QV4cWFOw05wFaijUP5cXW3PjTIclDfFt2BCryW2-PagwZL9fjw3Y73kB46EM2NfY5/s1600/dharamvir_bharati.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9jWqRhuOLTqHqCF-yYbhzCXKhmILXjOAs3T8fZikMZ3p9nVVvupIGbrekxfBZBkLFk71Z08K_f79QV4cWFOw05wFaijUP5cXW3PjTIclDfFt2BCryW2-PagwZL9fjw3Y73kB46EM2NfY5/s1600/dharamvir_bharati.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Let's take a detour. So Mr Raina was in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suraj_Ka_Satvan_Ghoda">Suraj ka Satvan Ghoda</a> looking reliably and reassuringly and regularly cute and that book was written by Dharamvir Bharati and doesn't the man look fine here in pomaded hair and a moustache! </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuDy09iSI2hVNmbtk8Y2aqWi8tQEP5OPNQTbqJhllVxHJjEBe9rs9Cv980BXuH4Fe8VQlgpepKq_LCdVKzofQp2QuHB9aYYC6mSayoFBuHRWS2I4BlRp0c98zlbf3t6ASMplkePw3nZN1x/s1600/fshaikh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuDy09iSI2hVNmbtk8Y2aqWi8tQEP5OPNQTbqJhllVxHJjEBe9rs9Cv980BXuH4Fe8VQlgpepKq_LCdVKzofQp2QuHB9aYYC6mSayoFBuHRWS2I4BlRp0c98zlbf3t6ASMplkePw3nZN1x/s1600/fshaikh.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://www.verveonline.com/27/people/farooque/full.shtml">Mr Shaikh</a> was way cuter than Amol Palekar. But Mr Palekar ruled middle class cinema of the Basu Chatterjee/Hrishikesh Mukherjee sort leaving Farooque here to do the odd good role. But you can catch him in a few Sai Paranjpe movies being totes cute. Saved from being a "chocolate hero" by the bad boy hints. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVWUf2oQ5OEeHuXJyOHvFHj2G-aEAtupiBKfAj1TvNq83gXgTWZ6JIRQhcX4kSOyCuVbTqMZuM-gaLMGRTRI4gGTE6sk2eb2epeMvyGhG08TnKkgqV2Mwr2iz_Zv8NCxgZzwinHPFlrxn6/s1600/rajatk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVWUf2oQ5OEeHuXJyOHvFHj2G-aEAtupiBKfAj1TvNq83gXgTWZ6JIRQhcX4kSOyCuVbTqMZuM-gaLMGRTRI4gGTE6sk2eb2epeMvyGhG08TnKkgqV2Mwr2iz_Zv8NCxgZzwinHPFlrxn6/s320/rajatk.jpg" width="187" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Let's just say that slightly creepy uncle charm is way way more hot than the boring heroes of movies in which <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rajat_Kapoor">Mr Rajat Kapoor</a> is cast. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1v90VtptgFPWfhy4Q5Ivy4HzCAKxN42qTGRlxChgdkjy6f6ohTJ_WBT6unxpX1AmZ0r2kzLHIuhMUDHz51CMSEiiGhY0l7tqHFaOfMHswMlwAXlYKKxylbIZ_vT3n_at1O48gdGOQ_oao/s1600/irfankhan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1v90VtptgFPWfhy4Q5Ivy4HzCAKxN42qTGRlxChgdkjy6f6ohTJ_WBT6unxpX1AmZ0r2kzLHIuhMUDHz51CMSEiiGhY0l7tqHFaOfMHswMlwAXlYKKxylbIZ_vT3n_at1O48gdGOQ_oao/s320/irfankhan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Its possible <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irfan_Khan_(actor)">Mr Khan</a> here is hot in certain circles. And knows it. Still, we look forward to the next Irfan-Tabu outing. Folks, if you are not married, hitch up instantly. The universe will explode with all that alternative hotness. OK it will just glow a bit more brightly. </div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHQyJGOY2AFEJWZXOG13kT0DX7bmlXtesdl17XiXvJ5KanzaMeyOzpiEvFygPdwxbE75IP8rRxSd1TvutlkbD5nnCDy-IMZ5B4q5gUffFWPX5l7kndiH28JQmAlzv17Sb3HD-d7iiDFUzI/s1600/shashi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHQyJGOY2AFEJWZXOG13kT0DX7bmlXtesdl17XiXvJ5KanzaMeyOzpiEvFygPdwxbE75IP8rRxSd1TvutlkbD5nnCDy-IMZ5B4q5gUffFWPX5l7kndiH28JQmAlzv17Sb3HD-d7iiDFUzI/s320/shashi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It is a truth universally acknowledge that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shashi_Kapoor">Shashi Baba</a> here is hot and cute. But what with older actor brothers and always playing second fiddle to Mr Bachchan, the man is not sufficiently recognised as the cutest thing EVER in Hindi cinema. Which is why he is here. Go watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtoKGG0NT7g&feature=relmfu">him being cute</a>. NOW. </div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-68199118996538153542011-12-18T23:46:00.000+11:002011-12-19T12:59:27.754+11:00But A Short Time to Live<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Majboor">Majboor</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In the 70s you would get compilations of stories, I think by Readers Digest, which often had stories of innocent folk in peril (think <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Desperate_Hours_(novel)">The Desperate Hours</a>). These apparently provided fertile ground for Hindi cinema of the time for Majboor is one such film where Amitabh Bachchan is at work plucking petals - I am innocent, I am guilty, I am innocent…..And what’s the verdict?! Here goes!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Let’s play look for a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage">trope</a>! For the beginning of this film is full of them. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The man himself is Mr Ravi Khanna, the only name allowed for heroes in the 70s, a travel agent in pomaded hair, Tinopal white shirts and flared pants. He mans a desk with a colleague and is Mr Efficient. Ah innocent times when people booked on Air India and flights went to Perth! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Mr Ravi Khanna has a dysfunctional family – I kid, I kid – they are fucking super loving OK! His mother is a widow in white with no name apart from Maa and played by Sulochana. His sister is a girl in a wheelchair called Renu played by Farida Jalal. His kid brother is played by Master Alankar and you know in your bones that he will have a song which he will sing in the voice of an aged female singer because she is so fucking popular that she sings for everyone except the hero. And they all love each other massively and play sweet games and rib each other and the mother always has a sweet, saintly expression and if ever anyone is sad - especially the girl in a wheelchair who can always be teased and who will ALWAYS FORGET THAT SHE CANNOT WALK and will then be reminded that she can’t walk and will then weep beautifully and for a long time - then everyone will <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sIB-cRpDEQ">sing a song</a> and be happy and complete domestic bliss shall reign. I am thinking hard about this, Family why do we not have a FAMILY SONG?! How can we ever be happy without it! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Mr Ravi Khanna also has a girlfriend called Neela (Parveen Babi) who is DEEPLY ANNOYED with her man because he is always late or standing her up or forgetful or something. But this was way before He’s Just Not That Into You and Totally Into His Family so the silly girl is all happy after some random folk have <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDYvBFKTEfI">sung a song</a> (this movie is SO REAL they ACTUALLY got paid to sing-ex boyfriends who never realised this can we time travel for the sadak chaap serenade!). Then again, Neela has it right, a girl must never pass up petting time (that’s what they did in the 70s, pet, you know like I am petting a dog right now and he is a canine). Also Neela girl, I don’t care if it’s the 70s but ginormous bright yellow flowers are NOT earrings!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now we have An Inspector Calls. Fuck me, why am I so surprised that it is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iftekhar">Mr. Iftekhar</a>! Hey man, haven’t seen you in ages - well at least not from the time when I was 13 and my mother dragged me to Hindi movies - looking good, nice voice, if I was 22 and an obsessive, I would totally have you up there in a list of supporting actors who were strangely hot and ignored by idiot women mooning over Mr Rajesh Khanna. His sidekick is perennial policeman, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jagdish_Raj">Mr Jagdish Raj</a>. Anyway, back to bijness. Mr Inspector is back because a man who went missing a few months before is now DEAD IN A DITCH. Ravi has been questioned before as he was the last person who saw him alive. Mr Surendra Sinha (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rehman">Rehman</a> aka Fat Flashman, my dear girl I am averting my eyes, all that excellent evil depravity has gone amiss, I am shattered!) had dropped by to collect his tickets and as it was bucketing outside, offered Ravi a lift. Ravi got off to ahem pick up MEDICINES FOR DEAR MOTHER and then went home but not before noticing that Mr Sinha has a massive rock on his fingers. Turns out some time after that Mr Sinha went missing, a ransom note was sent to his brother but he stayed missing and is now a bloated corpse. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ravi, sensible man, goes to meet his lawyer. And on the way is overcome by the Mother of All Headaches. The audience is thinking BRAIN TUMOUR but Ravi is thinking that was one mother fucking migraine and let me go back to being loving son and marginally less loving boyfriend. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Another migraine later Ravi, sensible man, is also meeting his doctor. A few X Rays later, the doctor is shaking his head. We called it! The doctor is Science thou art WONDERFUL! Human Body, can I keep studying you! Now let’s see shall I do a world first operation and leave this man an invalid or an idiot or should I just let him DIE! For Ravi, yeh tumour ek khatarnak bomb hai! Faced with this dispassionate analysis, Ravi naturally chooses his own annihilation and hey man sensible of you for it’s better to cease to exist than wear orange safari suits! BUT WHAT OF MAA, BEHEN AND BHAI who are all dependent on him?! Their life now looks like a veritable vale of tears. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ravi goes to Neela’s house and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tB-KZKjYdQw&feature=related">sings a song</a> on our fucked up lives where NOTHING GOES TO PLAN and we must all submit to our fates. Inexplicably his audience is looking happy instead of thinking that’s it, sod all, I shall drain all these bottles of whisky especially since it’s on the house and pass out and never wake up. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Random conversation in office only so dim audience can know that any one who catches Mr Surendra Khanna’s khooni shall get Rs 5 Lakh from his loving brother Narendra Sinha (Satyen Kappu-good or bad, what would 70s experts think?!). Then Ravi has a PLAN. He shall plead guilty to the crime of killing Mr Surendra Sinha and collect the money so MAA, BEHEN AND BHAI can live happily ever after. KYA IDEA HAI, Sirji! So an elaborate plan later which includes setting up a kidnapping scene in some ruins, Ravi is all I kidnapped but did not murder Mr Surendra Sinha and the baby brother is also in the court because you totally want a young lad to sit through a murder trial and soon Neela’s father (Sapru) who is the clerk, NO THE JUDGE! says Dafa 302, Sazaye-E-Maut and its time for a bitter laugh and Ravi is sent to the clinker and Rs 5 Lakh is with his lawyer . </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Maa goes to plead with Mr Narendra Sinha to lessen Sazaye-E-Maut but he is like Mataji, its tit for tat in these parts! So of course baby bro is now THE MAN OF THE HOUSE and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD1hoTBL8tI&feature=related">singing</a> in an old female voice, quelle surprise! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In jail, Ravi has another head fucking, forehead popping migraine which goes on for a very long time so audience can think THAT is ACTING! He’s sent off to his old doctor who inexplicably operates on him after previous dire warnings. The operation is a success and Ravi is completely cured (what was that, a tumour, a massive boil, a defused bomb, a badly read X-ray?!) the Doctor is ha ha I am a genius, I will be famous, while poor Ravi wakes up thinking that’s a fine pickle, I will be swinging and quite DEAD soon in spite of never having been more alive. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ravi is in the hospital under police guard and he confesses all to Neela and the lawyer. Now there is nothing left but for Ravi to break free and find the real killer. Which he does by way of a hospital trolley, a contraption purposely designed for filmic escapes. Soon Neela and he are in Khandala where Ravi is totally blending in with the 70s crowd in a tomato red suit. And he meets up with a Mr Mahipat Rai (Madan Puri) who he recognises as the husband of a rich woman. Uh huh, he is here with a comely mistress though! And also has Mr Surendra Sinha’s massive rock on his fat fingers! Ravi thinks easy peasy I have already found the killer but that ring is from a Mr Prakash (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacMohan">MacMohan</a>, man the 70s films were DOMINATED by the exact same lot who possibly went from set to set saying the same thing all day long). </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Doctor, doctor, that operation of yours? Its reconfigured Mr Khanna’s brain and turned our man into a quick with fists sort! Ravi is like a Red Bull in Prakash’s contraband oops antiques shop and all I shall wring your neck, you murdering bastard and Prakash is Boss, just leave for I got this ring from Michael (Pran). </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Michael. Totally boozing. Totally petty crim. Totally Catholic. And totally time for Mumbai Pichar <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQ58Oc10qTI">Goan Gaana</a> jisme na to log na to accent is Goan. Soon Michael who arrived in Mumbai by way of the Punjab and could never shake the accent is fighting fighting with Ravi Khanna and then they stop and Ravi is like Boss this is getting tedious and you have to be the murderer and Michael is my only crime is being A Cool Cat in a Vomit Yellow Skivvy and besides my gun always has blanks. But I know who the murderer is for I am a carjacker and the day Mr Sinha gave you a lift I stopped a car and the fucking moron driving it had no cash and handed over this ring from an asleep soul in the back seat. So of course the fucking moron is the murderer and the sleeping soul was dead Mr Sinha!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So now Michael can lay his hands on the 5 Lakh. Perhaps he can snitch on Ravi and send him back to prison as Prakash suggests? No way, he is Catholic! He is a drinking, thieving noble soul! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Michael goes to meet Mr Narendra Sinha to discuss the matter of the Rs 5 lakhs reward. And of course the man was driving the car on that fateful rainy night. Fuck me, why did I not see that coming! Turns out Narendra Sinha is not even a proper brother but just a stray cat paloed and posoed by Senior Sinha. And being a stray cat he can’t keep his paws off the Senior’s missus. And the missus is also eagerly pawing back leading to Narendra being thrown out by his brother. So that’s it, it is decided by the two that the Senior Sinha MUST GO. Which is why he is dead in a ditch. Michael and Narendra Sinha then arrive at a deal, they will meet at a ruined cottage on a dirt track somewhere far away and Michael shall get 7.5 lakh for delivering Ravi. Why does no one meet at coffee shops or chai dukans? </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Michael meanwhile pays a visit to the Khanna household which is super sad what with a disappeared brother and no regular pay checks and pledges on the wheelchair sister’s head that he, Ravi’s long lost friend, shall return him to them. No one looks remotely surprised, really random people walk into my house and promise me all kinds of things too and I always believe them!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
That beloved finale of 70s pictures, THE CLIMAX is upon us! Like the stereotypical female orgasm, 9 times out of 10, you will recline on your chair and think of going home and ending this super long misery of moves, counter moves, punches, wild throws, chases, cars, bullets, token heroine participation and the final police whistle which is like a sudden jolt of excitement and you are finally moaning and crying because you will soon see The End. Luckily you don’t have to fake interest – unless you are on a first date and the boy you are with is mad keen on Amitabh Bachchan doing a Fight Scene, then again you wouldn't date such a boy. But this Movie is all this here is LIKE HOLLYWOOD and we shall have tense long silent standoffs! So Michael gets shot but uses his empty gun to keep Narendra Sinha at bay while Ravi (who is STILL in that red suit like some elongated Santa Claus sans beard) is wildly careering over the countryside to fetch a doctor because no one had the excellent idea of meeting at a chai dukan. Hours later the doctor arrives, Michael dies, Narendra Sinha and Ravi fight and the police arrive and you have forgotten about orgasms of any sort and it’s all over and the curtain closes on the happy family (No Neela in it, yup totally not that into her). And just when you are thinking it’s the End it says “The Beginning”. And I say no thank you movie, that was a pleasant enough cup but I am not fucking drinking it again!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
For the title, I wanted to play on a Chase title but eventually retained the original title. And why when a man could have titled himself Count <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Hadley_Chase">Rene Brabazon Raymond</a> did he stick to the commonplace JHC!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This movie has three things I am lukewarm towards – the 70s, thrillers and Mr Bachchan. Despite the tropes and the predictability of it all, it is a fairly decent watch that is played in a natural fashion and I have a vague recollection of most people liking this film, if only because it was possibly better than most films of the time. Mr Bachchan is on pretty good form and everyone else does what is expected of them without being too irritating. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
PostScript: The movie is based on an American movie <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zigzag_(1970_film)">Zigzag</a>, you can see how the plots differ especially in the latter’s downbeat ending, at this <a href="http://www.dougpayne.com/zznotes.htm">link</a>. </div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-37224914494922724062011-11-22T22:46:00.001+11:002011-11-28T17:23:04.844+11:00The Bandit's Bride-A Dravidian Romance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manthiri_Kumari">Manthiri Kumari</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLIv3dlzWm-Ah0te3vWaquqJKXVSIEIAuYO3ADGSNs9zg3FZYpoPdeDaRA1trU7hVNFjxuFFNXG-_MNi-2WQArzjHimthaLr_JdPKDTymhoMISfa1C1NDvIyApfIKQPySiM4fqHLkofVtl/s1600/manthiri70.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLIv3dlzWm-Ah0te3vWaquqJKXVSIEIAuYO3ADGSNs9zg3FZYpoPdeDaRA1trU7hVNFjxuFFNXG-_MNi-2WQArzjHimthaLr_JdPKDTymhoMISfa1C1NDvIyApfIKQPySiM4fqHLkofVtl/s200/manthiri70.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EOKFEqDZLYlaH6WNuHAmafm63qDHRII6XXdtUvGbPYKbAHf6iOEfrVhLyUph9znTlj_R_wCaZA_EGKahlerhVQuG9wt5_13GUqs077Ha0PNOuzUfurxIcVqlH5UJIVdvozLH2Fal6DJu/s1600/manthiri83.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1EOKFEqDZLYlaH6WNuHAmafm63qDHRII6XXdtUvGbPYKbAHf6iOEfrVhLyUph9znTlj_R_wCaZA_EGKahlerhVQuG9wt5_13GUqs077Ha0PNOuzUfurxIcVqlH5UJIVdvozLH2Fal6DJu/s200/manthiri83.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In this <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karunanidhi"><span id="goog_1467020139"></span>Mu Karunanidhi</a> <span id="goog_1467020140"></span>takes an old Tamil Buddhist tale (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kundalakesi">Kundalakesi</a>) and reinvents it by adding early DMK propaganda and theatrical elements. And <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellis_R._Dungan">Ellis R Dungan</a> keeps a steady hand on the directing and editing so that for a near three hours you go along for the ride. Lovely Amudhavalli (the eponymous Minister’s Daughter), how did you fare? Let’s tarry no further! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A convoy of Mullai Nadu merchants is on its way, laden with goods, when it is set upon by bandits who best them fairly quickly and make off with the spoils. Included in this is a pretty lass set upon immediately by the lascivious bandit chief (what flashing eyes you have, you WOLF!). But she has a little sword on her and is all Thus I Die Cruel Man which leaves the bandit chief very cross indeed for he must have his daily FEMALE FLESH!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As it appears must the king and his coterie. For back in the palace, a bevy of girls is giving <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP7GTA-DG5U">new meaning</a> to the lotus position. And the King, his Rajaguru (Nambiar) and his Minister are quite enjoying this pre TV entertainment of the Rich and Powerful. Just as the lotus closes, the remnants of the convoy hobble in and inform the King that the bandits have killed, raped and looted their group. The Rajaguru is huffy and dismissive, the King is a cretin and is hey you folks are way too careless but before they all disperse the Minister intervenes and the Good General Veeramohan (MG Ramachandran) has been entrusted with the task of catching the bandits. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Veeramohan addresses his troops who appear to be at ballet with swords practice. They are now completely motivated to give a performance. Or catch bandits. Whatever. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The King’s daughter Jeevarekha (G Sakunthala) meanwhile has little else to do but <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLTtDdZBZ1E">sing</a> (and I spy <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumari_Kamala">Kumari Kamala</a> dancing). And watching on is the bandit chief who is in town and smacking his lips and thinking I am a Big Bad WOLF and I shall fix my eyes on this thidippu morsel, hypnotise it and ravish it. NOW! But even bandit chiefs have to resort to more civilised means so he sits down to write Jeevarekha a LOVE LETTER. No use! For Jeevarekha is right now <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-lnWktJGlI">catching up</a> with Veeramohan for the young folk are having a TOP SECRET LOVE AFFAIR. Why is the fish instrument so much more fascinating than Mohan the Makku? Boy, lift your game! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Enter Amudhavalli (Madhuri Devi) the Manthiri Kumari aka Minister’s Daughter. She and the princess are besties and spend time lolling around in their bedchambers. And this one time the bandit chief’s flunkey delivers the love letter by throwing it into the Princess’ bedchamber. It is picked up by Amudhavalli who is all MUST MEET MAN who writes love letters. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The bandit chief goes to meet Dad aka EVIL BRAHMIN PRECEPTOR aka the Rajaguru. Turns out he is Parthiban (S.A. Natarajan) who chucked a massive tantrum that has lasted several years because he was not made the General instead of Veeramohan. The banditry is to make Veeramohan seem inept though truth be told banditry runs in Parthiban’s blood. It’s what happens if the Dad is a priest, folks! Dad is all my darling darling son the General has been asked to catch you, I fear for you, leave these bad ways but Parthiban is all sardonic, cynical and cruel rapier wit. Sigh, Bad Boys! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Comic Interlude. The first one involves a bandit, a girl, a boy and a stern mother. And a bed. I am totally joining the lowly sorts up front and booing. And whistle podu for girl! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Amudhavalli rushes off to meet Parthiban who is initially annoyed at Jeeva’s non arrival but also thinking FUCK, I have good luck with the ladies and this Amudhavalli here is one Extra Juicy Jangiri! Oh Parthiban your voice is like a raucous, shrill bird its notes shattering in a million pieces, each winging its way to Amudhavalli so that she is tingling all over and thinking lady parts BEHAVE for I have no knickers! And Parthiban is thinking this is one lovely lady with a pretty turn of phrase and boom they are in love and boating in a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4x59HDtkEM">very fancy floater</a>. But no love can make Parthiban abandon banditry and FEMALE FLESH. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Veeramohan now takes matters into his hands and is doing GOOD DEEDS. His army has set out to capture the bandits. Ballet discarded for fancy dress. Everyone is now dressed as a MERCHANT! In his lair Parthiban is informed of the approaching convoy and he and his gang falls down on them you know like WOLVES on the fold only to be bested by the Army in disguise. Yippee, Parthiban and Mohan Sword Fight where everything moves FAST FAST FAST. Move aside Rajnikanth you clod, you are getting in the way! Veeramohan, good soul, wins and de-masks Parthiban and is all Fuck Mate hiding in a cave, albeit luxurious, is perhaps not the best form of revenge!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Parthiban is brought before the king – Oi I want his one-shouldered mini! He totally wants to say things like Veeramohan I want to dip your balls in nalla yennai and fry them and grind them in the fancy Sumeet mixer from my last haul into chutney which I shall smear on my idli and that way they will never come near Jeeva but this being a DECENT FAMILY MOVIE, he SNARLS and makes a speech and calls Mohan a PALACE DOG. The Rajaguru is all upset and trying to browbeat the king into releasing Parthiban. The King is a cretin and vacillator and is fuck I can’t decide. The Minister believes Veeramohan however and soon Parthiban is sent off to prison. His Dad rushes along and tries to coax Parthiban to leave banditry but he is all Bwahahaha you Old Fool, It is not a JOB it is an ART and I it’s SUPREME PRACTITIONER! Hey there Parthiban don’t make so many clever speeches, don’t flash your eyes you WOLF, we so do not want to join the Bad Boy Seduction that Amudhavalli is engaged in! And now Amudhavalli is here and all I can’t believe you are a bandit and Parthiban is suck it up lady. And Amudhavalli is all if I release you will you promise to give up banditry? And Parthiban is all first you are a Very Boring Savithri and second Bwahahaha Stupid Woman Banditry is an Art and I it’s SUPREME PRACTITIONER. And I am happy to SWING for it!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now that Parthiban will swing, the Rajaguru is raining curses and abuses on all and screaming that the kingdom will be DESTROYED! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Comic Interlude. This one involves a girl dressed as a boy, a boy and a stern mother being fooled. And a bed. I am totally joining the lowly sorts up front and booing. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Amudhavalli believes in the power of her love. That and she likes a WOLF in her bed. Since everyone is totally like Parashakti has the answer to EVERYTHING she hides behind a statue of the goddess and is soon informing her Dad in her Special Goddess Voice that Parthiban is innocent and Veeramohan is guilty. Uh huh lady way to betray your bestie! The General is all Fuck Statues DON’T TALK but the king and the minister are all of course they do, the GODDESS HAS SPOKEN! So Parthiban doesn’t swing and becomes the General and Veeramohan is banished from Mullai Nadu. Hey good thing the other states have no illegals policy! At this Jeevarekha also runs away and joins Mohan. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now Amudhavalli and Parthiban are married. And there is a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1emCiY4-K0">song</a> about the deep deep love of Amudhavalli and Parthibhan. And Parthiban is thinking ow ow a trio of tasty tasty mitaai and I can’t touch them! Lovely as Amudha is, this is AGONY! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
His son saved, the Rajaguru is now plotting to kill the King and make Parthiban the King. Like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iznogoud">Iznogoud</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Comic Interlude. In Parthiban’s cave. Where a layabout anoints himself chief and everyone else is a minister. A STATEMENT ON DEMOCRACY! Lots of Whistle Podu! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Parthiban inspite of his promises is soon tiring of his insatiable bride and takes to nocturnal disappearances for banditry with the old gang. And Parthiban is still thinking of ravishing Jeeva so he plans to abduct Jeeva. Parthiban you are a charming wolf and you have a charming turn of phrase:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bandit Flunkey: Princess Jeevarekha is the embodiment of TRUE LOVE.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Parthiban: KATHIRIKAAI! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We feel for poor deluded Amudhavalli! Girl, no matter how charming the wolf, we are with you! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Comic Interlude. Stern Mother is a Pain. Boy and Girl have now run away. Meh. Yawn. Cigarette Break. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Amudhavalli is deluded but also SMART. She follows Parthiban one night in disguise, just the day Parthiban has thidippu morsel Jeeva delivered to his lair. But here is Amudhavalli to the rescue, here is her rousing sword fight with Parthiban till he de-masks her and goes Tchah, Nee Ya! And is all the sun may forget to set but this woman is incapable of leaving me ALONE for my NEFARIOUS DEEDS-MARRIAGE SUCKS! And all Fuck I am over you now Amudha please go and inform everyone I am a bandit!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Amudhavalli takes Jeeva back to her house to hide and is all repentant at betraying the bestie for Rapey Parthiban. It’s OK, Amudhavalli, you are simply the first of the BadBoyPhiles, in fact you are their FUCKING PATRON SAINT! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Boy, Girl and Veeramohan meet up and set a trap for the bandit flunkey who discloses the whereabouts of Jeeva. So they all are sneak back into Mullai Nadu in disguise. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Parthiban and the Rajaguru are all impatient now and worried about being caught. So Parthiban decides to kill Amudhavalli and the Rajaguru the King. Parthiban returns to the marital bedchamber and is all cooing and sweet and all Perhaps the scorching blaze of my anger has given way to Cool Moony LOVE and Amudhavalli is thinking Damn, Damn man your words make me hot and wet and I have quite forgotten that you are Rapey Parthiban. So they reconcile and plan a PICNIC!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Comic Interlude. Stern Mother. Boy. Girl. Veeramohan in disguise. Boy and Girl Marry. WHISTLE PODU! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Shock Horror! Amudhavalli has set off for the picnic! And the rascal badawa (but still quite the charming WOLF, eh!) Parthiban is going to frolic with her on a cliff top – all the better to fling Amudhavalli to her death. Parthiban <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T32rZg8M4xs">singing a song</a> - Amudhavalli that is NOT a love song, he is sending you off to your ETERNAL REST! On the cliff top Parthiban reveals his plan as well as the plot to kill the King and Amudhavalli is all Goddamn I have been so very very foolish and ladies here are my last words NEVER NEVER trust your lady parts! Then Amudhavalli is all can I have a last wish and Parthiban is all yeah whatever and Amudhavalli is can I circle you thrice and Parthiban is Yawn OK I know I am GOD. And right at the third turn she pushes Parthiban to his DEATH! Oi Amudhavalli you are one kickass lady, WE DIE WE DIE! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Elsewhere Veeramohan is his usual idiot makku self and manages to insert himself into the attempted assassination of the King by the Rajaguru with the result that he is soon in chains for attempted murder. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But here is Amudhavalli to the rescue! She returns to the palace to announce the plot to kill the King and pronounces Veeramohan to be innocent . Veeramohan is reunited with Jeeva, Jeeva with her cretin father. But just when all is going swimmingly the Rajaguru maddened by Parthiban’s death throws a knife and poor Amudhavalli is all Thus I Die Cruel Man but the nation is SAFE! But oh no a far worse fate awaits your heroine! For here she is as a BUST a la Mayawati and here is Jeeva <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyfG_kxo3gs">singing a song</a> and there is Mohan Makku and inexplicably the cretinous king is still KING and it’s THE END! WHISTLE PODU! </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
_____________*___________</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="http://www.hindu.com/cp/2007/09/28/stories/2007092850521600.htm">Manthiri Kumari</a> is way too much fun for me to be objective. I know of the film through my mother who introduced me to a lot of the early DMK films that mixed cinema and politics. Manthiri Kumari was one of the first to do so and it is witty, inventive and rarely didactic. Though there is an element of showboating and sophistry in the way Karunanidhi uses language it all remains highly enjoyable and would have been more so for an audience attuned to the nuances of the language and familiar with the politics of the day. Perhaps the man should have kept his day job. And perhaps he and the party took that “Banditry is Art” a little too literally :-)</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There are a lot of other interesting elements to Manthiri Kumari and none more so than its American director <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellis_R._Dungan">Ellis R Dungan</a> who has a comprehensive biography at wiki, astonishingly the man directed films like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meera_(1945_film)">Meera</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakuntala_(1940_film)">Sakunthalai</a>. Dungan keeps things moving at a brisk pace even though the interludes and songs are far too many. But there is also something of the theatre about these interludes, the tradition of fillers while the next scene is being set up. And the movie so obviously draws from the theatre that there is a charm in these set pieces addressed directly to the audience. Mixed in with this are a lot of outdoor shots which save the film from being static. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The movie is at its best when Parthiban and Amudhavalli are on the screen (as also the Rajaguru). SA Natarajan is in fact very good, all exaggerated evil as called for in a historical but reining it in just so and somehow also being entirely credible as a romantic lead. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
PostScript: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T32rZg8M4xs">Vaarai Nee Vaarai</a> is indeed an excellent song, at once a song of love and a coded song of death. It would not be surprising if it had sat at the top of the 1950s charts:-)</div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-13519459659189060302011-11-04T16:31:00.000+11:002011-11-05T15:14:59.962+11:00Anita and the Woman Question<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://www.uiowa.edu/~incinema/Mr&Mrs55.html">Mr and Mrs 55</a>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is yet another Guru Dutt flick where he is a <a href="http://subversive-lace.blogspot.com/2011/09/trouble-is-taporis-business.html">sweet little cupcake</a> with lots of flinty bits so that the eating is not as enjoyable as that cute exterior may make you believe. And it deals with that Great Assault on the Holy Edifice of Hindu Marriage aka Divorce! In this film the cupcake finds himself facing the tragic prospect of losing the super beauteous Madhubala. Away we go! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In 1955 the Hindu Marriage Act is likely to be passed paving the way for divorce under certain conditions. Simply put the ANGREZI VIRUS has been let loose on good Hindu society! And the foremost proponent of this Bill is a Ms Sita Devi (Lalita Pawar) aka RICH BITCH FEMINIST whom we first meet in the middle of a meeting with fellow travellers. Women of the World you Rock, you are Awesome! One minute you are discussing the Bill, the next the world’s best facials! For let it be said NOW. Wrinkles have NO place in the revolution!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just at the moment Sita Devi is savouring her triumph, her niece – lovely spoilt heiress and orphan Anita Verma (Madhubala) - sneaks out of the house to lustily cheer on her heartthrob of the moment, Ramesh, who is playing the most leisurely tennis match in history. If Anita was on Facebook she would have liked every page dedicated to hunky sports stars and littered their pages with Eeek, so cute! I DIE! HOTTTTTT! Marry me! I want your babies! ☻/ღ˚ •。* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 。* °♥ ˚ • ★ *˚ .ღ 。/▌*˛˚ღ •˚ ˚…just sprinkling a little LOVE on your pages. ~♥~˚ ✰* ★ / \ ˚. ★ *˛ ˚♥* ✰。˚ ˚ღ。* ˛˚ ♥ 。✰˚* ˚ ★ღ ~...:)~ ♥ etc. Sita Devi on the other hand…..well if she ever joined Facebook it would be to promote her book <em>On the Forthcoming Eradication of the Male of the Species</em>. This is why Sita Devi has sent out trusted lieutenant Mona to remove Anita from the scene of her complete abasement. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anita spots Mona and in a frantic bid to escape tumbles into the arms of our sweet cupcake Pritam Kumar (Guru Dutt). Pritam is entranced and in instant pyaar. For let’s face it, Ms Anita is all perfection, like an irresistible piece of the purest chocolate nom nom nom that cupcakes can only aspire to. So Anita is all eyes for Ramesh, Pritam is all eyes for Anita, Ramesh is all eyes on the ball but all must part for such is young love! But Pritam recovers a token of his lady love, a handkerchief setting the scene for future hanky panky (can a girl resist a bad bad pun?!). </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pritam then runs into old friend Johnny (Johnny Walker) off whom as a struggling unemployed artist he is mooching. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JneKj6TsTA0">SONG FUCKERY</a>! Oh Pritam, we understand we understand, Ms Anita makes us want to bust out a tune too! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pritam is kadka, de rigueur for cupcakes, and renting with a fat landlady (Tuntun). Some elaborate charade fuckery establishes cupcake cuteness and Pritam wins a rent reprieve. In the meantime, Anita gets a dressing down from Sita Devi who warns her against the supreme EVILITY, the veritable EVILISHNESS, the awful EVILDOM that is the male. For the Aunt has been SCORCHED and wants to protect Anita, lover of all things boys. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anita is to inherit fucking tons of money at age 21. Which is like the next day. Time to open the will! Will stipulates that she will inherit only on the condition that she marries within the year. Because the dead dad knew his EVIL BITCH SISTER wants to keep Anita a spinster. So happy happy Anita runs off to the swimming pool. Watch girls in swimsuits! Watch shapely legs! Watch the cheesecake! Watch everyone <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unxd92NgGmo">singing a song</a>! For Anita is free at last for Ramesh Romance Fuckery! Ladies ladies patience! You shall have some perve time too! Uh huh it’s just plank of wood Ramesh in briefs. Oh Anita its not too late, perhaps a soft cupcake is better, eh?! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anita has a “Future Mrs Ramesh” T shirt on but Ramesh is not taking the hint for he is ummm like thick wood all over. Besides he is off to Wimbledon and the dirty dirty pleasures of Paris. But Anita cannot be fobbed off and arranges a rendezvous with him in a cinema theatre. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Johnny Fuckery! Johnny, newspaper shutterbug, is quite the ladies man who woos women with….lollipops. Here he is laying some thick thick charm on new girl, Julie. But it’s all cut short for Johnny needs to take some professional piccies of his old mate Ramesh poolside. They get talking, Ramesh agrees to get Parisian dirty pictures for Johnny and Johnny agrees to meet Anita and hand over Ramesh’s letter . Which says “Anita I like you but I don’t like you THAT way”. I am calling it, GEIGH! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The cupcake, who is a cartoonist, is up to his usual “<a href="http://subversive-lace.blogspot.com/2011/09/sorrows-of-young-vijay.html">I am a fabulous artist</a> and yet tragically unemployed”. He does have a sweet Editor though who reviews his work. The Ed knows RICH BITCH FEMINIST Sita Devi who has hatched a plan to keep the niece flying solo and yet inherit by hiring a faux husband who can be divorced. The Ed sends Pritam along for the job. Pritam first throws a hissy fit at the idea of being a bikau husband. Until he spots a pic of the proposed wife who is of course Anita. Then Pritam is all UNBELIEVABLE! FUCK! YES YES YES! FIST PUMP! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pritam is still living by the credo of unsung artists. MOOCH OFF YOUR FRIENDS! So somewhere along the way Pritam ends up with the cinema ticket and a meeting with Anita. Anita now has Ramesh’s note and is all sobbing and ooh more Pritam hanky panky! Pritam thinking I am totes going to be married to this girl in a few days. Anita busy updating facebook status – Ramesh, you are a COLOSSAL DICK! And I am not getting any of it! It’s unfair!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sidetrack. Johnny and the Office Charmer are going swimmingly; all lollipops are now going her way. Heck they even get to sing a lunch time song, Chak De Mera Lollipop – oops no that is from Mr and Mrs 95 starring Govinda and Karishma – this one is just <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Tfd1EKtLI">OFFICE FLIRT TIME</a>! Shall we kiss, shall we lose our hearts? On the typewriter or under the desk?!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
RICH BITCH FEMINIST Sita Devi has deigned to enter male lodgings so Pritam can sign off on “I shall be married for a fraction of a moment to the supremely beauteous Anita and then shall waive all marital rights but that’s OK because that moment will be HEAVEN”. Also such scintillating conversation between them!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sita Devi: Tum communist ho?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pritam: Nahin, cartoonist. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
More serendipitous Pritam-Anita meets. LUSH LADY <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iK3DbFyOU-M">SINGING A SONG</a>! Time for the gradual transference of Anita’s hormonal impulses from Ramesh to Pritam! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
Sita Devi informs Anita of her Rs 250 a month faux bridegroom. Anita is all upset and then OK whatever because well there’s the fortune to be inherited. Anita and Pritam get ready for their tryst with matrimony at the courthouse where Anita is fuck me I didn’t see that coming, the bridegroom is Pritam! She is deeply annoyed to think he is less lovelorn and more lalchi but we soon have Mr and Mrs Pritam Singh and Sita Devi is like OK Tata Bye Bye and don’t bother us anymore and just keep cashing the cheques. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The marriage is lucky for Pritam for he gets a job as a cartoonist. So irate and wife less Pritam draws an unflattering cartoon of Sita Devi. More rich bitch feminist drama when Sita Devi sees the cartoon. Everyone all together DOWN WITH FEMINISM! Also time for Pritam, Johnny and Julie celebrations where they run into Anita who is a friend of Julie. Anita is still stroppy and is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dF0TRN0_flY">waltzing with strange men</a> who are not her lawful husbands while Pritam sulks in the sidelines. Now Johnny and Julie know that the two are married. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Johnny now imparting advice to Pritam on how to woo back Anita. A fooled chauffeur later, Anita and Pritam are off to the countryside. Sort of like a nice sweet Mills and Boon called FORCIBLE HONEYMOON. But enroute there is the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9y0WqQ5Gng">FOREPLAY SONG</a> of the She is Pouty, He is Lusty sort. The forcible honeymoon (not really forcible, the cupcake is a gentleman and knows that eventually all women BEG for his love) is ummm at Pritam’s bro’s place. His sister in law is a adarsh nari, an ANTI RICH BITCH FEMINIST with three kids. Who like plucks flower petals. You know of the sort He beats me, He beats me not, He just beat me for Oooh he loves me so! Anita is soon convinced that happiness lies in having a husband, kids and some gentle slapping. Oh good here’s the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utmHsq67Gv4">LET’s HAVE SEX</a> song! Triple Yay for 50s sluttery where everyone looks like they will have a month long fuck once the cameras are turned off! But just as they are about to tumble into bed, Sita Devi turns up because Anita – before you know deeply desiring some gently rough sex - sent her a telegram screaming RESCUE ME! So Pritam gets all sulky and hearts are ASUNDERED. RICH BITCH FEMINISTS, implacable enemies of TRUE LOVE!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now Pritam is all I can’t slap Anita to stay married and I am FUCKING NOBLE and I will provide grounds for a divorce. Yippee its Man Slut Picture Time where Pritam gets to hang out with two dames and an alcohol bottle! Pritam hands the photograph over as evidence to Sita Devi. Who passes it on to Anita who is all sob sob but this time there is no cute Pritam hanky panky. Also time to fulfil <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZrqCne5eaw">SAD SONG</a> quota requirement. Plus Pritam is still kadka as FUCKING NOBILITY demands he return all those uncashed cheques. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
BRING ON THE DIVORCE! LET’S DESTROY HINDU SOCIETY! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Time for a court case and some blah stuff about women, society, inequality, marriage, sanctity blah blah so that you almost expect <a href="http://subversive-lace.blogspot.com/2011/09/sorrows-of-young-vijay.html">Fat Flashman</a> to turn up and whisk Anita off for his debauched games while Pritam walks off into a sunset with a floozy. Hey Fat Flashman can you also arrange for Fat Lady Debauchery – we can’t stand the landlady’s tone deaf comedy fuckery! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anita is all oh no I am soon to be a SAD DIVORCEE! And Pritam plans to leave town so Johnny and Julie meet Anita and tell her that the slut pic was staged. Time for showdown with the RICH BITCH FEMINIST aunt and Anita is all like yay yay yay I am standing up for myself and now I shall fall at Pritam’s feet and we will keep a dear little house and sit around drinking darling cups of misogyny topped up with romance fuckery. Rich Bitch Feminist Aunt is not one to give up and locks Anita up in the service of feminism but she escapes. And hey here is the Airport scene where Pritam looks like he has flown but has not and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pD3IDYh87M">Anita is sobbing</a> and ooh look Pritam has a ready hanky and so we arrive dear reader with society INTACT and the movie is all FUCK YOU Divorce Bill and FUCK YOU RICH BITCH FEMINISTS because the Bhartiya Nari wants nothing to do with you so go sit in a corner and do not speak EVER for you have been VERY VERY NAUGHTY! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Curious about the title? Go <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_woman_question">here</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is the Guru Dutt who makes films that are charming, coherent and naturalistic in tone (though the dialogue here is by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abrar_Alvi">Abrar Alvi</a> it is clear the man knew how to assemble and keep a loyal, gifted team). There is the Guru Dutt who is on top form when filming song sequences. And whose films are sweet, believable odes to Mumbai and its people. But there is also the Guru Dutt who brings a heavy hand to themes of social justice. And is a regressive traditionalist when it comes to gender. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
A good part of this film is the former Guru Dutt. But it is blazingly misogynistic. Of course art forms are not required to be purged of misogyny. But there is something unpleasant in the Guru Dutt take, perhaps more so because of his otherwise progressive politics. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
If you set aside the misogyny it is because of Madhubala who transcends both the cloying cuteness and the notes of servility that is required of her role so that she seems a naive, sheltered girl opening up to the possibilities of love. Plus Guru Dutt and she are a very easy on the eye pairing in what is essentially a romantic comedy. This was the only movie they did together which is a pity because they seem ideal for screwball comedies. </div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-36719507516777287252011-10-11T23:15:00.000+11:002011-10-27T15:34:46.996+11:00The Curious Case of Karan Arjun<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karan_Arjun">Karan Arjun</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
This is a piece of 90s dross. Easy to make fun of. It’s like killing dead things. Of which a lot happens in this movie. Killing and dead things i.e. So without further ado let’s do unspeakable things to our grey matter! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Pretty Boy Karan (Shahrukh Khan) and Weasel Face Arjun (Salman Khan) are village yokels of smooth skin and shiny white teeth eking out a living by breaking rocks. They share a deep love for their mother Durga (Raakhee) and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H77SWBi8t-o&noredirect=1">sing happy songs</a> in mustard fields with her. Put away your psychoanalytic minds, this is India and we are not slutty Greeks! Durga has an absent husband. When the old rich father-in-law who turned her out summons her as he is about to croak it turns out that the absent husband has been long DEAD and the old man wants to pass on his jaydaad to the grandsons. While Karan and Arjun are thinking hey no need to break them rocks anymore, the old man’s nephew Thakur Durjan Singh (Amrish Puri) is having none of it. He comes accessorised with two mulleted meatheads who are his brothers-in-law and likes worshipping a 20 feet Kali with her own waterfall, preferably with a gaggle of nubile things doing an item number. Why am I thinking Durjan is like the evil guy? Just when the grandfather is about to turn over everything to Karan and Arjun, Durjan turns up. Popping Eyes! Varicose veins on the forehead! = ANGRY BEAST DURJAN! Durjan strangles the grandpa and then Karan and Arjun are dragged along by a few horses and skewered by shiny swords. He likes his torture porn, does Durjan. Karan and Arjun stare meaningfully into each other’s eyes and hold hands before departing for the nether world. Then Durga turns up at the Kali temple for the HARANGUE THE GODDESS TO GRANT WISHES segment post which the Karan Arjun souls have transmigrated to mewling babies. Self ringing temple bells and the cries of infants in the air assure Durga that her sons are reborn. And she is totally not demented for the force of her namesake is with her! Take that, you godless folk! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Arjun/Ajay has an alcoholic father and is alternately sombre and all studly rage inspired by flashbacks of his past life. Karan/Vijay loses his parents pretty quickly and is soon the ward of a Parsi setereotype and a Telugu stereotype (Johnny Lever) who run a horse farm. Meanwhile Durga is roaming the streets of her village with a photograph of her sons and promising Durjan and the mulleted meatheads that soon they will be quite DEAD thanks to her reincarnated sons. But that glaze in her eyes - alcohol or grief?! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh I love ROMANCE FUCKERY! Unibrow Sonia (Kajol) comes to the stables to learn to ride but is soon in love with Vijay. Note that this horse farm has a large billboard with a giant lip, a single eye and a big WOW! painted on it. So Warhol. So....Erotic? Soon they are singing an <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufCGY29DYho&feature=related">extremely energetic song</a> amidst all the horses. Post the song Vijay and Sonia are like we are too knackered for sex and the horses are all bemused and without doubt thinking a) was that really human sex? and b) stop appropriating us for sexual symbolism, idiot humans! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sonia the Screecher is a bade baap ki beti, Dad scrimped on the elocution lessons. Dad Saxena (Ranjeet) is in with Durjan who by now is a rank nasty FEUDAL OVERLORD CUM EVIL DEALER OF INTERNATIONAL ARMS. Durjan and Saxena plan to get their progeny married, really Saxena has no choice because in the race to evilness Durjan is a clear leader and is all BWAHAHAHA MY SUPREME SPERM SHALL RULE and propagate through my son and I shall swallow and spit on and screw every other sperm around. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ajay is having a pretty sad life and is a tough boxer with a truck driver viewership who spends money on his alcoholic father. Now and then studly rage and flashbacks cause him to screw up matches and one such match to raise money for the Dad leaves him in debt to Saxena. Dad however takes his alcohol bottles to the next world so Ajay is forced to be a Saxena Henchman. Meanwhile, in parallel ROMANCE FUCKERY his childhood pal is trying to seduce him but he is like nah, I don’t want to get into your pants. So Bindiya (Mamta Kulkarni) sheds her tomboy self and emerges in a skirt for another fucking long song and dance. Now Sad Ajay is all smiles - ladies in search of a bit of nookie I have one word - SKIRTS! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
What a Joke! aka Durjan’s son aka Suraj Singh is back from vilayat to claim his rightful bride, she who romps with the horses and Vijay. That What a Joke! is supposed to be his villainous punchline btw. Bwahahaha writers you are fucking awesome! Anyway Suraj soon knows that Sonia is doing the rumpy-pumpy with Vijay and is OUTRAGED. So you have a fight scene in the horse stables which ends with fire and horses running skelter-helter. Idiot humans, never letting a horse live in peace. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ajay-Vijay keep having repeated flashbacks of their past life. Also they have parallel past life hallucinations! Because otherwise we would never know that Pretty Boy and Weasel Face are CONNECTED. Soon Saxena is having a party where he is announcing Sonia’s engagement to the spawn of the NUMERO UNO EVIL SUPREME SPERM i.e. What a Joke! Vijay then turns up, all rage and manic tittering laughter to disrupt proceedings but Saxena sets Ajay on him. Blood, Fists, Blood, Fists, Blood, Fists, Lightning….ummm what was that! A bolt of lightning, no doubt sent down by the 20 foot Kali, prevents the brothers from fighting. And Ajay-Vijay are all like wow what just happened here. Dialogue: I am bemused, I am bemused too. Isn't it bemusing? I think it is bemusing, Hmm, bemusing etc. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ajay gets sent to prison by an irate Saxena. Also Durjan turns up and is all like BWAHAHAHA Stupid Sonia, NO ONE GETS IN THE WAY OF THE PROPAGATION OF MY SUPREME SPERM and carts her off to a forced village wedding. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Soon Vijay the Stable Boy is off to rescue his beloved from the village. And of course remembers his past life. Here’s the quarry! Here’s the mustard field of Oedipal song! Here’s 20 foot Kali! Here are self tolling bells! The pujari at the temple then informs Karan of his true identity and glory be Karan is soon united with Maa and her old B&W photo. Now Karan knows that Ajay/Arjun is his brother and busts him out of jail (hey a few policeman got reduced to cinders in the process-oh never mind they will be REINCARNATED!) and soon along with Bindiya they are on the run. Arjun and Karan are soon reunited with Maa and the whole village gets teary. Meanwhile Durjan’s Comic Relief Munshi (Ashok Saraf) spots the two and takes himself off to the haveli to announce the SUPREME SPERM’S forthcoming demise at the hands of the reincarnated duo. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Arjun The Sceptic is however all reincarnation is bollocks. Time for Karan speech on the POWER OF MAMTA and how your mother wants to change your diapers for all eternity. But Arjun is still unconvinced. Meanwhile the mulleted meatheads saunter around to knock off the two and Arjun is all studly rage and God (Oops GODDESS!) my fist connecting with these meatheads reminds me I am Arjun. The mulleted meatheads flee and everyone – umm - sings and dances. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Karan Arjun revenge strategy is to sow dissension in the Supreme Sperm’s ranks. So the mulleted meatheads are pinned with the blame for a few missing arms. The meatheads now need to get back into Durjan’s good books. But after monstering the village children to establish they are EVIL and to lure Karan and Arjun out of hiding they are reduced to big chunky bloody pieces of meat, albeit still mulleted. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Random dance number in the Kali temple where Karan Arjun finally reveal themselves to the Supreme Sperm. The 20 foot Kali looks immensely bored. Your viewer on the other hand isn’t sure of anything after 2+ hours of sustained cranial assault. Do I exist? Am I watching a film? Is this a good excuse to skip work tomorrow?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now the Supreme Sperm’s forces are in disarray with the murder of what they believe to be treasonous mulleted meatheads. Also What a Joke Suraj and Saxena are trying to be rational about all the reincarnation shit because Karan-Arjun are just humshakal Ajay-Vijay. My brain is slowly slowly dissolving. At one point Saxena is a good daddy who lets his daughter escape. But just as Sonia and Vijay reunite, Saxena appears with Durjan and his cohorts – it’s a TRAP! Because you know your business partner is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than your daughter. There is an interminably long fight sequence in which everyone participates which I can’t be bothered describing. Suraj Singh gets killed (sadly he doesn’t die with WHAT A JOKE! on his lips). Durjan is mental because his sperm has come to a fucking, screeching stop. A lot of people die. There is a lot of blood. Durjan bashes up Sonia. Durjan kills Saxena. People get paid good money to film “fight sequences” which consist of meatheads pretending to slash, kill and thump for eternity. Then Durjan is dead and its self ringing bells for the temple and happy fucking marriage time! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hell as Milan Kundera once said is eternal return. Or Karan Arjun. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
People bang their heads against solid objects a LOT in this film. Please feel free to join me in doing so. Only ketchup will be shed. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
________*________</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
Dire. I have nothing else to say. Though yes I hope reincarnated Amrish Puri is atoning for two decades of atrocious acting. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
PS: My brain in its moments of life did think up a faux business so all is not lost. Ladies we shall reveal soon our fashion forward collection dedicated to the sluttish fashions of Hindi films. Watch this space and in the meantime practice your jhatkas and bosom moves! <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7IvE8BJIUK4A1W7QZyKlghHk_Zgfur7WZzfRI9GPWW0YxK3GwvYCZoWT9uBP99Sg7uOu2dDdLIw7-NhtAwIvmWz4TfTW2mt0GyswCkmvtAKDkKObFQzFgGU6Q8LQQrqwt6IqSw8ZbavP/s1600/untitled.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd7IvE8BJIUK4A1W7QZyKlghHk_Zgfur7WZzfRI9GPWW0YxK3GwvYCZoWT9uBP99Sg7uOu2dDdLIw7-NhtAwIvmWz4TfTW2mt0GyswCkmvtAKDkKObFQzFgGU6Q8LQQrqwt6IqSw8ZbavP/s320/untitled.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-10171733893001365572011-09-16T21:04:00.001+10:002011-09-18T09:29:43.016+10:00You are Entering a World of Pain*<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
First Sarat Chandra wrote a novel called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devdas">Devdas</a>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then PC Barua thought Dude that is SO my life but before I proceed to piss away my life on the grog, I will make <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devdas_(1936_film)">Devdas the Movie</a>. And KL Saigal said Dude I am so pissing away my life on the drink too and I will be Devdas. And they were like dudes this film should be totally realistic and all, we are young and awesome! And oh the lassitude, the languid poses, the sadness, it was a sight to behold! And everyone was weeping wildly in the aisles and the streets and boys sang <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwIOm0OnCzI">Balam ayo baso mere man mein</a> to local Paros and the grog was flowing freely and then they married the girl their parents chose and it was all glorious. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Bimal Roy thought hey I lensed for Barua and I am SO making <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devdas_(1955_film)">another Devdas</a>. And Paro was lush and Chandramukhi was lush and Devdas was a lush and Chunni was a lush but no one was like actually pissing away their life on the drink and it was all very sad and beautiful. And everyone was weeping wildly in the aisles and young men sang <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5uJFV2Njio&feature=related">Mitwa Lagi Re</a> to local Paros and the grog was flowing till real life interfered and it was all glorious. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then they thought hey Amitabh can be Devdas and he drank a lot and spoke to mirrors and there was a massive fight scene and Paro (Hema Malini) mooned around like a vacant faced cow and Chandramukhi (Rekha) was a tantric goddess who cast an instant spell on Devdas and he got all amnesiac and utterly devoted to Chandramukhi’s sexual pleasuring. Oh that NEVER GOT MADE, PRAISE THE LORD! Though Sorceress Chandramukhi = Glorious!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Sanjay Leela Bhansali thought Dude I am SO making a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devdas_(2002_film)">Rajasthan-Punjab production</a> of this. And everything was shiny and bright and dazzling and under this mountain of glitter Devdas was like I will cry beautifully and totally piss away my life on the grog and die because all this bling is giving me a headache. And Paro was like Dude good for you because I am totes getting tired of holding this lamp and Chandramukhi was must smile smile smile and prove my smile is more dazzling than all this SLB bling. And everyone was weeping in the aisles and streets and even the firangs said Pink is the new black! Retinal Assault is the new black! Bollywood is the new black!. And they all wept at Cannes and young men took to youtube to weep and it was all super shiny fucking glorious. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Anurag Kashyap thought Dude Bollywood is so last year and I am the king of indies and I should be SO famous. So hey I will borrow from Sarat Da and make it all contemporary because I am way too sexy and cool for my own good. And this is how <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dev.D">Dev D</a> went. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Childhood</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dev is a Punjabi lad and Paro is his closest friend and you don’t want to know these dull children because all that happens is Dev is a brat who smokes and calls Daddy by his first name and gets sent to London to study. And Paro is a mini My Name is Lady Vengeance. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Almost Sex</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Dev (Abhay Deol) and Paro (Mahie Gill) are all grown up and having phone sex and Paro is taking pics of her tits and Dev is that’s it I am totally returning home to fuck you and by the by also attend my brother’s wedding. So that fuck is then totally not happening. Instead there are lots of almost fucks. Including with a Rasika who is totally making the moves on Dev and having almost fucks in a chicken shed. By now Paro is like I MUST FUCK and get myself a room but the guy with the room Sunil is all stroppy because he too wants to fuck Paro and have first dibs. The Big Punjabi Wedding of Fucks and Almost Fucks so to say, oh yes I forgot the setting for all this is one of those Punjabi weddings of indescribable din which should be banned from film for the next century at least. Anyway Sunil the gossip is all like Paro is the super best fuck in the village and Dev hears this and breaks a bottle over his head. This is the Punjab, remember! Paro now plans a Sex in the Sugarcane Fields but that too is Almost Sex in the Sugarcane Fields because Dev is Super Sulky about Promiscuous Paro. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Slutty Rasika has a brother with two kids and he is totes besotted with Paro and wants to marry her. And Paro is thinking this almost fuckathon is driving me crazy and hand pumping her way to orgasmic rage. Meanwhile praise the lord Rasika and Dev have graduated to the fuck and Paro finds out. And Paro thinks enough of the hand pump and yeah Bhuvan I shall be your wife. And Dev is like yeah I am totally down with that because I am way too cool and rich for you and you are a slut. Then Dev hears that Paro may not be promiscuous and thinks uh huh that was a bit foolish so let me start drinking and pass out. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Soundtrack</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just registering that the whole damn thing is punctuated by an irritating soundtrack that feels like being permanently stuck on an X factor audition stage because the bloody thing NEVER STOPS. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Fun with Prostitution</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Leni (Kalki Koechlin) is a schoolgirl but she has been doing some dick sucking in her off hours that lands her in a MMS scandal. Yeah we get it, this is SO NOT the 1920s! But Director is also very keenly studying 50s melodramas and the world and its brother are BAD and WICKED and INSENSITIVE and Daddy shoots himself over khandan ki izzat and poor Leni runs away and is all alone in this cruel world and becomes a prostitute. Because that is the only fucking profession available. But hey great move on Leni’s part, the prostitution industry is full of absolutely lovely people. Leni’s pimp has a Golden Heart! Leni is a college going prostitute! Her pimp has arranged for her education! She has a nice pink boudoir! She is now called Chandramukhi but you can call her Chanda! Prostitution is a breeze! A world full of happy, shiny people doing lines of cocaine and cruising around in hot pink wheels! It’s all safe and beautiful and SO glorious!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And wow who would have thunk Karol Bagh folk are such fetishists – dear Lord, Fat Flashman would love this! - for here is Chanda dressing up as a sexy schoolgirl, Chanda is now a sexy nurse, Chanda is now wielding a whip! So much like a self consciously perverse Vogue photo shoot!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
DAMN the soundtrack. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Substance Abuse</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So Dev is now in Chanda’s boudoir because Chunni the pimp found him roaring drunk somewhere. Oh Chanda your boudoir is like an art exhibit. And you are SO literate; a languidly held book accessorises every cigarette. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Flashback. Post the Paro wedding, Dev leaves home and is cruising Delhi, doing drugs, drinking vodka, living in a seedy hotel. But like not even having almost fucks because the now unobtainable Paro is an anti-aphrodisiac. Before he gets into trouble, he is saved by Chunni the pimp, the first pimp with a heart of gold in the history of cinema. Chunni is slick and uber cool and is like you want to drink lets drink at the uber cool bars. And I would totally vote for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCS8AG7TeKQ&feature=related">Pardesi</a> in the Dev D X Factor contest except that it goes on for as long as Dev’s drinking in the uber cool bar and more which is a VERY LONG TIME. So Dev is like fully coked and drunk and that is how Chunni gets him to the Chanda Boudoir. So that’s another night of non-fucking and Dev is crying out for Paro and Chanda is right now I can’t be fussed with anything because my hair is in a net and I can’t see through my makeup. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Non Sex </u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dev gets up in the morning and decides its time to meet Paro. Dev’s way of meeting Paro is to hook up with...Rasika. In the meantime Dev is also totes spying on Paro who is playing happy families on her balcony. Consequently Dev is all tantrums and cruelty and Rasika is like Dude you are one sick puppy. So time for another Dev bender, post which he is back in Chanda Land but she is too busy having multilingual phone sex. Then Chanda is like Dude you are always here so do you want to fuck and he is like No Way. Plus all the pretty pills and liquids must make it difficult. So like Chanda is a little besotted because of the non-fuck. You want to keep a prostitute interested? Don’t Fuck. Works all the time. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Almost Sex</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Despondent Dev continues on downward spiral. And his Dad is ill but he doesn’t know. At some point he decides to be a phone pest and calls Paro in the night. But gets Bhuvan who is like wow good time to discuss the Dev-Rasika rishta because that will totally solve everything. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So Paro turns up at Dev’s place the next day and is all housewifely concern. Dev is thinking damn I let her get away without ever fucking her. But Dude you are still not screwing her because Paro is all I might wash your clothes but no way are you getting a piece of me. Plus Bhuvan seems to be doing a better job than the hand pump and Dev put together. Dev and Paro, never the twain shall be. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Coke n Vodka</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dev you notice is taking the drinking game rather literally. Every time I think of Paro is bound to result in a LOT of drinks. And lines of coke. Plus Chunni is proving the perfect drink buddy. And Chanda is always tucking him in for the night because she is all my little sparrow, I will adopt you and protect you. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Prostitute Shrink</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dev and Chanda are totally bonding. She is prone to wisdom of the You Are Just Not That Into Paro sort. Sure because the biatch totally wants Dev for herself! And of course she is SO brave, SO courageous! She knows pain! She faces the world with a laugh! She has no self pity! Oh Dev you must learn, observe and be a better man! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But Dev is thinking I need to obsess about Paro and abuse a few more substances. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The Dev thinks hey maybe I will go with the Chanda option. Chunni is like Dude this is not going anywhere because those Karol Bagh customers are just going to keep coming! They are good for business! You aren’t going to have first, middle or last dibs! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh did I mention DAMN the soundtrack! Also stop making Delhi films, there are already one too many!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<u>Hit, Run, Find Love</u></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Chanda's Karol Bagh sexy games are too much for Dev so time for another bender and killing a few people with his Dad bought BMW. Oy yes we get it this is emphatically NOT the 1920s, this is the NEW INDIA! Now time for Dev to find himself because THAT is what is important when you have mowed down a few folk. Dev cries at Dad’s funeral, Dev bonds with his sardar minder, Dev takes random road trip, Dev is sick, Dev is my existence is like a Dog and I wanna be reborn, Dev is all those people I killed remind me that I must remain ALIVE. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Dev is all lightning bolt of clarity and I totes love Chanda but she has left town. So off he goes to find her and does and hallelujah he never loved Paro and is now all soul matey with Chanda and it's all this is so OTP (One True Pairing). Did I mention the irritating soundtrack? At this point it is all like fucking light up the torch of your heart and its THE END. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And indeed the hearts of all hipsters were immediately set afire and they were crying in the aisles and streets and on their blogs with sheer relief that we too can make movies about sex and drugs and sluts and bad music and it was all glorious and The Twilight Players never stopped playing. And I am thinking, “Its OK my baby, forget it”.** </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
*Title from the Big Lebowski, Dev calls himself The Dude. **That is of course a line from the film. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Whether you love it or loathe it, Devdas is a singular novel. Which film version you like will depend on your sensibilities. Dev D unfortunately is like an adolescent film, it is stuffed to the gills with the cool and the hip (it does include a sweet nod to the past with a lawyer named Bimal Barua, posters of Shahrukh as Devdas) and marries it with the conventional sentimental tale of the redemption of a dissolute broken hearted chap by a sensitive hooker. So much so that the source novel seems audacious and subversive in having a protagonist who is not returned to life by the love of a good woman. The tacked on MMS and hit and run scandals add nothing; the latter in fact ensures that the difficult feat the novel achieves - of making Devdas a tragic hero - is entirely negated. Eventually for all its outer trappings the movie is as pedestrian and conventional as any other Hindi film. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Of the older versions, it is possible that the 1936 version is closest in spirit to the novel. It is quite relaxed in its treatment and here and there there is a glimmer of humour. Plus it is the cinematic template for the later versions. But if you have to see a Devdas, it is perhaps best to see the 1955 version for its formal beauty, its serious tone and adherence to the novel. Though the 2002 one will do just as well if you like your film served with Bhansali Bling. </div>
</div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-57963559789273793752011-09-14T12:13:00.000+10:002011-09-16T23:39:06.738+10:00The Importance of Being Rancho<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="178">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Idiots">3 Idiots</a>.</div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="536" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="216" style="text-align: justify;">
Mostly I learnt that men cry, hug and piss at the drop of a trouser. Shall we see how all this unfolded? !</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="217" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_nta3qy="171">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="172">
A plane returns to base because Farhan (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._Madhavan">Madhavan</a>, once so cute but now needs to go a little easy on the thair shaadam eh!), is having a fake spasm of sorts. Soon he has hijacked an airport car and is on his way to meet best bud Raju (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharman_Joshi">Sharman Joshi</a>). The reason for all this is that much hated Chatur Ramalingam (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omi_Vaidya">Omi Vaidya</a>) has located the other best bud, Rancchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad aka Rancho (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aamir_Khan">Aamir Khan</a>) who disappeared after graduation. Question Time! What’s common to Tams in Bollywood Films and Brits in Hollywood Films? Answer: Both sport dodgy accents and are designated DOUCHEBAGS! Chatur it appears has been harbouring deep RESENTMENT against the best buds. And is also looking for an inventor called Phansukh Wangdu (people lol, rofl, lmao at the names!), all round genius who has 400 patents to his name (your viewer was all lolwut at patents=genius!). So they are off to Simla where Rancho now lives. Why is Chatur so bitter? FLASHBACK! Time for a Boys Own Adventure where their antics will be treated with a Boys will be Fucking Boys!!</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="341" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_nta3qy="173">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="174">
Podgy Farhan has just joined the Imperial College of Engineering and is soon rooming with Raju, he of the 100 Gods Shrine who shall bless him with Complete Examination Success. Time for RAGGING! Lots and lots of boys! Lots and lots of dropped trousers! Arse Stamping! Chatur in a bowtie and skimpy underwear! Everyone looking like an undercover overage student like Drew in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_been_kissed">Never Been Kissed</a>! Rancho entering, Farhan looking a little smitten - Ruined Botticelli Angel who has been a tad “refreshed” – IRRESISTIBLE! But if you think up next is strobe lights, dance music, Bad Bad Rancho and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer_as_Folk_(UK_TV_series)">Queer as Log</a> you are wrong for this is at best a bad advertisement for Dora Underwear. Rancho doesn’t want to drop his trousers – no Tough Male Initiation Rites for the wuss! - and locks himself into a room. Time for a Bully aka Senior to ferret him out by - umm - pissing on his door. Time for a glimpse of Rancho’s native genius for he quickly rigs – double umm - an Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Scrotum of a Pissing Person! Useful given the movie has so much serial pissing!! So massive toolery all around – except perhaps in the underwear. </div>
</div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="434" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="401" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_nta3qy="174">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="175">
<div closure_uid_vrq8kz="161">
<div closure_uid_59d553="171">
ViruS (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boman_Irani">Boman Irani</a>) - he of the charming eccentricities – Listening to opera! Being shaved while listening to the opera! Taking ambidexterity to new heights! Carrying a bird in a nest! – is giving the TOUGH TALK to the overage students. And mooning over a pen designed for space. Cue a Rancho The Great moment (Reader, you are warned, there are MANY!). It is all about a pencil for space – Rancho boy you will have to do better than lifting old cosmonaut/astronaut anecdotes to establish genius!! Now ViruS his enemy for life but hey ViruS join the queue, we can’t stand a smug smart arse either! Also joining the queue - the Prof in the next scene who is – triple umm - predictably unzipping his trousers! Another Rancho the Great moment - don’t beat us over the head with his genius, folks! And I forget - there is a parallel track of Chatur, Obnoxious Teacher's Pet for each such moment. </div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="435" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_syc45h="170">
Now time for obligatory creative student crushed by the forces of college bit for beware ViruS the Villain is at large, he will fuck you over, destroy all hope, crush your spirit and spit you out a ghost of a man! Oh note that the student is a Lobo so he gets to sing an English song! Also another song where the bogs are like something out a product catalogue – check out the red doors, the smooth granite! Soon Lobo is quite DEAD and hey a Rancho invention is there to record the moment! And Rancho has a most revolutionary thought – all student suicides are MURDERS! The blood of our nation’s youth is on our Professors hands! For this ViruS puts him on the spot and time for another Rancho The Great moment accompanied by a homily - though oy any dimwit can spot what Farhanitrate and Prerajulisation is! Also time for ViruS’ favourite activity – writing letters to parents! Farhan’s are the aspirational sort, Raju’s the poor wanting a better life. And both are very UNHAPPY so the 3 idiots are soon cruising the streets. So of course time for the Boys will be Fucking Boys to crash a wedding. Oh look ViruS has a daughter Pia (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kareena_Kapoor">Kareena Kapoor</a>). She has spectacles, she is INTELLIGENT! But has a fiancé who is very very devoted to BRANDS! Hot Chick with Douchebag or Closeted with Beard? The Jury is OUT! </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="540" style="text-align: justify;">
Soon ViruS is giving Raju and Farhan a valuable piece of advice – they are have nots while Rancho is a HAVE! So he can do ANY fuckery he wishes! The life of the genteel poor on the other hand, fucked but no fuckery allowed! Soon all pants down for a discussion and Raju in open rebellion against Rancho and rooming with Chatur. But Farhan still smitten, the man does adore a ruined Botticelli angel! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="469" style="text-align: justify;">
Anyway Boys will be Fucked up Boys! So a plan is hatched up to “rescue” Raju from Chatur’s clutches. This involves a tiny switch in Chatur’s speech for an Important Occasion. Sort of like putting a spider in a classmate’s desk in Std. 5 when the School Inspector comes visiting. Clever! Also Chatur not knowing Hindi – both HILARIOUS and a CRIME – we must all be proficient in the Rashtra Bhasha! The word in question in India’s Most Famous Speech after Kitne Aadmi The is balatkar. The Rape Word – guaranteed laugh riot! Naturally Chatur all stroppy and vows REVENGE! Oooh FISTFIGHT!!! But no, just drunk people promising to be successes 10 years later. An Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Plot badly needed!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="471" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_syc45h="172">
<div closure_uid_uqui7t="170">
But we commence a Romance Fuckery Plot in which Rancho manages to divest Pia of the Brand Whore Douchebag/Closeted Fiance and get it on with him instead. Does anyone care about this unsexy romance? NO! Can we have a Time Travelling Device back to 50s Sluttery?! NOW! But halt. We must not forget the mission of this film, to establish that Rancho aka Aamir Khan is Great and Can Do No Wrong! Weird hospital track (hey nice Fortis product placement there, brand whoredom much!) involving Raju’s father. Raju also smitten by the ruined Botticelli angel so he CRIES (<a href="http://photoslaves.com/crying-men-by-sam-taylor-wood/">Sam Taylor-Wood</a>, you are needed!) and HUGS Rancho. </div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="502" style="text-align: justify;">
Your viewer is now suffering from infinite tedium. Also never has a movie stuffed itself with SO MANY unsexy men. That’s it! I am wandering off on my very own Sapphic fantasy track! Indulge me till I return!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="541" style="text-align: justify;">
Exam results out - Quelle Surprise! Raju and Farhan bottom of class, Rancho a topper! Green Monster! Class Photograph! A Bet! If Raju and Farhan get a job, ViruS will shave off his moustache. Not that we care, a moustache less ham is still a ham! Plus the only good ham is Jon Hamm! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="503" style="text-align: justify;">
TEDIUM REIGNS. Also the back and forth now very confusing. Sapphic fantasies aren’t helping. Neither is Mr. Hamm. Time to keep company with Tall, Dark and Handsome Mr. Pinot Noir methinks and to hell with the chronology.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="542" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="176">
Back in the present our boys are in Simla (And a man is snapping 5 burqa ladies, wtf what was that about?!) and at Rancho’s mansion. Rancho’s dad is dead, also Rancho is not Rancho. Sooper Plot Twist, machan! </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="504" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_sb535g="171">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="177">
Some absurd fuckery, cuntery, sluttery, drunkery (God I feel SO much better just using those words!) ends in a dare (Boys will be Fucking Boys!). Rancho is trying to get into Pia’s bedroom, also some very strange stuff with a sister and a baby and all is well! OK, PISSING alert, this time its Raju spraying ViruS’ Wall! Time for ViruS’s second favourite thing after writing letters to parents! RUSTICATION! Out sails Raju though ViruS’ window to the strains of opera. Oh Raju, you really shouldn’t have done that!!!! For now we have to sit through more weird hospital scenes and CRYING and HUGGING and Rancho The Great. </div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="505" style="text-align: justify;">
Oh good here’s Mr. Shiraz, a super smooth sort from South Australia - only a ménage a trois will get me though this!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is some bit about Farhan becoming a wildlife photographer and talking to his dad about it and TEARS! And Raju getting a job in spite of failing so more TEARS! ViruS now without a moustache. CRY, CRY, CRY! HUG, HUG, HUG! DROP TROUSERS! Rancho Tussi Great Ho!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_mr683t="161">
Some backstory fuckery in which the fake Rancho is established as a boy prodigy and genius who would put Mozart to shame. Nothing to see here, move along. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ongoing ViruS Villainy involving an exam paper and its theft. Does anyone care! A thousand times, a resounding NO! ViruS also “murdered” his son apparently. Boo Hoo. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="506" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="178">
<div closure_uid_7qe6vi="172">
Oh God no, ViruS don’t let us down, we could have so got together and given Rancho the bumps and tied the fucktard up, put stones in his pockets and thrown him into a river for good! But Sad Sad Day - here he is acknowledging Rancho The Great. This involves floods, the birth of a baby and a vacuum pump. All like some ghastly chapter in a management text book with big signposts to instances of ingenuity, teamwork, blah blah blah. All topped with CRYING. Will this child who shall hear the story of Uncle Rancho's Method for Delivering a Baby every single fucking day of his life be an Anti-Rancho? One lives in hope!</div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="179">
Anyhow back in the present, inexplicably Pia is getting married to the Brand Whore. Who is wearing a pink robe and pink slippers. And listening to Opera. Douchebag AND Closeted! Quelle Surprise! Pia does a runner. </div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="507" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="180">
<div closure_uid_gvp0g1="170">
<div closure_uid_4uzeb5="170">
Then we are all in Ladakh where we get further proof of Rancho the School Teacher’s ingenuity bringing joy and progress to poor Ladakhians (what the hell is the man inventing anyway, Permanently Keeping Cheese From Yak Milk?). So everyone gets to meet up because of the reappearance of both Pissing and the Apparatus for a Sharp Short Shock to the Scrotum of a Pissing Person and it winds its way to its predictable End. When I wake up I think- If 3 Idiots was male, I would definitely be applying that Apparatus to its Scrotum. PRONTO. Though an old fashioned short, sharp kick to its backside would do just as well. </div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="507" style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<br />
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="508" style="text-align: justify;">
<div closure_uid_sqdcti="172">
<div closure_uid_l0skzt="183">
India’s most popular movie it appears is a mash up of 101 Jokes for all occasions, self-help books and a smattering of Edward de Bono. Its like being stuck in a training course for middle management where you are allowed to fondly recall the last time you were properly alive, aka in college, and made to believe that the rainbow of alternate existence in which you are totally going to be CREATIVE and LOVE your WORK is around the corner. It will no doubt be conducted by Rancho The Great. </div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div closure_uid_toh6kr="509" style="text-align: justify;">
If you stick to the very end, it will also make you Vote for Rote. </div>
</div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-69573768585562621932011-09-13T16:32:00.000+10:002011-09-13T16:33:05.057+10:00Trouble is a Tapori's Business<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">A second Guru Dutt movie, this time <a href="http://www.upperstall.com/films/1954/aar-paar">Aar Paar</a>.<br />
<div closure_uid_74zxi3="220" closure_uid_jd92nf="170" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="496" style="text-align: justify;">And it’s hard to snark about an amusing and breezy Bombay trifle so shall we take an amiable PG romp through it?!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="182" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_mppqhh="172"><div closure_uid_jd92nf="172">We start with a police station where it is punishment for petty crims day and all the wicked sharps and sleazes are milling around awaiting their ten lashes and gruel. Amongst them a naïf sort is worried he is in for it thanks to sneaking a few smokos. He is soon before the Man and it turns out his name is Kalu Birju (Guru Dutt). Uh huh, shall we rechristen him KB?! The Man turns out to be a soft sort who has decided to send KB back into the world on account of his good behaviour. KB pretty thrilled and soon establishing that he is the smart aleck tapori sort that you only find in Bombay movies. Before he leaves Qaidi No 114 draws him aside and asks him to go and meet the Captain and deliver the message, Kaale Badal Mein Bijli, Badi Tasveer Saaf Kar Dena. That’s totally my next password. </div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="226" style="text-align: justify;">Out in the world he meets up with his ex taxi boss who has sent him to the slammer for nothing worse than an accident. Ex taxi boss unrepentant so KB all shaking fists and shaanya lines. And then jauntily off only to trip over someone fixing a car. KB being an abrasive sort pulls out the trousered fellow only to discover it’s a very pretty girl Nikki (Shyama). KB all taporiness and Nikki all annoyed but of course also a little smitten-I totally get her falling for that fur cap (!) and knotted kerchief. Cue <a closure_uid_74zxi3="253" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgypJzwZhwk">random construction worker song and urchin dancing</a> - haven’t we all been thus romanced - yay for the singing peasantry of India! Soon Nikki drives off and KB goes to meet his sister. But the B-i-L is all huffy about KB’s prison stint so KB has to leave. Then KB runs into one of the dancing urchins who rejoices in the name Elaichi Pehalwan (a young Jagdeep) –awesome we are so keeping this name! - and soon they have exchanged hardscrabble tales and are sleeping under Bombay’s smoky sky. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="257" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_mppqhh="170">The next day KB spots Nikki’s car and wanders in and is all lippy with Nikki’s Punju dad for KB’s coat is in Nikki’s car. Time for Nikki-KB sparring that is so going to lead to sacha pyaar! KB, smart lad, also pataoes the Dad and soon has a job and a bed at the garage. Now KB off to meet the Captain. But who cares about the Captain when you have the Moll (Shakila)! Especially when the Moll is in a dress that crosses flounces and chiffon with a tight Bavarian choli! Time for the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A35PbjcKoBA&feature=related">vamp item number</a> and time for strong, sensible men to be reduced to blithering idiots! But the Moll is looking at KB and totally thinking that is one delicious cupcake. A delicious cupcake with a mean fist and a wicked mouth i.e. After bashing up a patron putting the moves on the Moll, KB is also all No Captain, No Message and walks away from her. </div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="290" style="text-align: justify;">The next day the Moll along with sidekick Rustam (Johnny Walker) is at the only garage in Bombay, namely Nikki’s. The Moll wants the car fixed. Uh huh sexual innuendo time! Moll all like can you thoroughly check out, rehaul and tune all my parts – way too much sex in Hindi movies! - KB the tease only checking the car plus Nikki and Moll catfight is in the air. Rustam, good man, still has his eye on the job and transfers the car contraband to a taxi but the Moll decides to leave the car in the garage for repairs. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="291" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_rzkl76="175">Nikki’s Dad likes long running chess games with a Qazi. And so Nikki having a lot of time for pyaar vyaar! See Nikki teaching KB English (bizarrely the words are FAT.GIRL.LOVE)! See Nikki and KB fixing fuses! See Nikki and KB whistling! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_78cXRzMJcE&feature=related">See Nikki and KB singing a song</a>! See Nikki looking like a saucy little minx in mechanic overalls and KB looking like a sinfully delectable cupcake! Watch them as they are prettily framed by the car! And watch as KABOOM they are in love and kissing behind a column! But oh no sprung by Dad who inexplicably wandered away from the chess game. But KB lad all unrepentant and quite quite lippy with Dad. So KB back on street and out of a job. Time for a bed under the stars with Elaichi who promises to be his cleaner once KB gets a taxi to drive. Also KB's chances with Nikki further nixed as the police drop by the garage on a tip off to check the Moll’s car. And Dad and Nikki now know that KB has taken in some jail air. So that’s that no more kissing behind columns. </div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="326" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_rzkl76="174"><div closure_uid_56ge43="172">Finally the Captain (Bir Sakhuja) is in the Building! And looking like a suited greasy stockbroker bhav copy in hand. No wonder the Moll wants a KB tuning! Captain annoyed with his flunkeys including No. 1 and No. 2 for botching the last bank job. Also Captain is being tailed by the police thanks to the car left in Nikki’s garage by the Moll that has been traced to him. Now KB turns up yet again to deliver Qaidi No. 114’s message. Time for Rustam’s Parsi Patois comedy routine! Then a door painted with decadent Victorians (I so don’t need a Fat Flashman reminder!) and into the Captain’s lair. Lippy lippy KB uh huh Boy has Bombay Attitude in spades! But also stupid stupid KB for Captain offers him a taxi on the condition that it is available when required by the Captain and KB agrees. Also Moll can’t wait to eat the delicious cupcake that is KB but the tease is still not putting out!</div></div></div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="327" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="328" style="text-align: justify;">Now KB has a taxi and Elaichi a cleaning job. KB goes off to give lady love Nikki a spin but she is not giving the time of her day to a crim. So KB hauls her off to the police station and the Man assures her he is a good sort and gives him an actual character certificate. Clearly the golden age of policing. Now a spin through the streets of Mumbai and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwlXiVpay_8">car song</a> and Nikki all remorseful and KB all petulant before being manoed. A man can get away with so much when he is a wicked sweet cupcake! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="359" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_rzkl76="173"><div closure_uid_jd92nf="173"><div closure_uid_s3756s="170">KB now consorting with the Captain and his crims – his taxi is the getaway vehicle - and in a heist dry run that is quite, quite botched up by No. 1, No. 2 and Rustam. Captain is thunderous and furious and we must do better! But inexplicably now time for Nikki to perve on a shirtless KB by arriving unannounced at his house only to find him bathing. Nikki not doing the horizontal tango with shirtless KB (where is the Moll when you need her!) but inexplicably only making plans to set up house. Also inexplicably KB confesses his desire to marry Nikki to the Moll who suggests he elope if the Dad does not agree. And indeed Dad all deeply annoyed at KB’s marriage proposal. So naturalment KB all attitude, lippy and annoying and making poor Nikki chose between him and Dad. So Nikki plans to elope with him at midnight - always a good hour for elopement! But Dad at his never ending chess game interspersed with comments to prevent daughter’s elopement like Nikki is such a dutiful daughter, discussing lafangas who left their lovers etc. So Nikki not going anywhere and KB’s plan chaupat. Time to take himself off to the Moll but Moll <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5acLIUkAkY">singing a song</a> on The Secret Pain and Unhappiness of Molls. KB totally not taking this opportunity to be the Moll’s Comfort Pillow for the sweet cupcake is still a little in love with Nikki. Awww!</div></div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="393" style="text-align: justify;">Time for another random song in which KB gets to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOcrb5wxunk">sing love murdabad</a> with various women. Whatever. Also time for more of the Rustam Parsi Patois comedy track where Rustam, the girlfriend, the fat mom, and siblings go to a zoo and Rustam has a very difficult time getting some nookie time before managing the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g70BwIegukY">Johnny Walker Item Song</a>. Whatever. Meanwhile another heist and contraband being thrown off a suburban train, no less! And KB finds a few bullets in contraband! Man is in deep shit but oblivious, however Elaichi is doing his best to get him back on track and lands up at the Captain’s adda Nikki in tow. Where KB is lounging around with the Moll – it appears that the Moll Tuning is finally going well! So well that KB spurns Nikki for spurning him and Nikki is singing the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu-h498eSBo&feature=related">Sad Version of Happy Song</a>. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="483" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_rzkl76="172"><div closure_uid_s3756s="173"><div closure_uid_4olijj="161">KB now investigating further and finds that boxes thrown from trains totally do not contain Lifebuoy even if this is indicated on the carton but may contain bullets. Tubelight KB! Now KB as usual being lippy and showing attitude to the Captain and announcing he is walking away. Captain is all my darling sweet cupcake you ain't going anywhere and has him trussed up and orders Rustam to kill KB. Rustam very unhappy because this means a lifetime in the slammer sans his sweetie with the fat mom and annoying siblings. And the Moll is all over her trussed up cupcake and suggesting they elope, she seems a bit fixated on elopments eh! But KB is all I am a wicked sweet delicious cupcake that shall be touched only by saucy Nikki’s lips. Now the Moll is totally over the fool and suggests to the Captain that kidnapping Nikki may be the way to get KB to get on with the heist as opposed to ummm killing him. Because it’s just so hard to find a driver! So Nikki and Elaichi are kidnapped! Nikki and Moll are now in a farmhouse 30 miles away while Elaichi is quite trussed up and No. 2 is left in charge. </div></div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="484" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_rzkl76="171">Time for another amateur bank robbery heist with KB in the getaway car. But Rustam decides to turn straight so off he goes with KB to rescue Nikki. No. 1 and henchmen give chase but Rustam is quite the match for them. As he is for the farmhouse crims. Good Man Rustam! Nikki and KB now reunited! But the Moll escapes and now Captain is around too and time for jungle shootout that empties every bit of ammunition the Captain has ever had! Also oy here’s to a Moll gaily shooting at the object of her spurned affections as opposed to copping a few of her own saving him! Meanwhile Elaichi has given No. 2 the slip and is here with the Police who arrive just in time in the last frame of the film! So it’s off to the slammer for the Captain and the Moll though the Captain is so going to work the Kaale Badal Mein Bijli, Badi Tasveer Saaf Kar Dena messages. Now Nikki’s Dad is here too and all contrite so here we are at the end and its curtains and sexy time for our saucy minx and hot and delicious cupcake! </div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="492" style="text-align: justify;"><div closure_uid_w1umfc="162">And with that, I have exceeded my normal quota of Hindi movies by about 4. So next review break ke baad!</div><div closure_uid_w1umfc="162"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_w1umfc="162">A tiny dedication - this post for my grandfather, who is much missed. </div><div closure_uid_w1umfc="162"><br />
</div></div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="485" style="text-align: center;">_*_</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="485" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div closure_uid_74zxi3="180" style="text-align: justify;">I am not sure if Aar Paar is the first of the kind of movies that are familiar in Hindi cinema. It's release date of 1954 suggests that its liberal employment of Mumbai patois and its mix of big city noir, gangster culture, the shootout climax, inventive framing of shots and youthful romance must have been a fresh take for its time - and it retains this freshness. Its possibly the first of the crim-com genre and pretty much most of the cast is on good form here and the songs for the most part are pleasant, infectious interludes. This is an exuberant if slight film that is essentially a love letter to Bombay (it’s possible the streets were cleared for shooting but the city looks spacious and empty) and entirely different in tone from the films that Guru Dutt made later. It gets so much right that its faults are best ignored. </div></div>Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-69164648123382718162011-09-11T18:36:00.001+10:002011-09-13T17:52:14.562+10:00The Sorrows of Young Vijay<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pyaasa">Pyaasa</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And it’s hard to deconstruct a movie that takes itself so seriously and is relentlessly downbeat. But we will give this arduous task a spin, shall we?!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Vijay (Guru Dutt) is a poet. We know this because he is dreamily sprawled under a tree thinking delicate, beautiful thoughts about the birds and the bees (not sex, put away your dirty minds!). Then a foot and a crushed insect ooh so symbolic! Vijay all upset and walks away. That Vijay - just so SENSITIVE!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Next scene at publishers' - aka some harassed bloke who runs a rag - to whom Vijay has handed over his poems. Publisher is a bit of a piece and tells Vijay he wants poems on wine, women and the lot and Vijay’s poems not quite the thing. Fair enough, eh Vijay, the man has a paper to sell! But no, Vijay throwing a hissy fit and demanding the return of his poems. But they are in the wastepaper basket - oh cruel, cruel world! Vijay all ATTITUDE and walks off in a hissy fit. There, there Vijay, man up, we have all been there! Vijay then runs into Maa and nephew in the market and tries to avoid them as he is unemployed and down. Maa drags him home for ghar ka khana but his two nasty brothers are all up in arms about his freeloading. Now Vijay again looking for his poems. And again poems absent, sent off to the raddi! Vijay throwing another hissy fit at this CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD THAT CANNOT RECOGNISE HIS BEAUTIFUL NATURE. Now Vijay off to meet a friend for a bed for the night. And I am thinking DRINKING GAME! DRINK as Vijay is being serially fucked by the world! Friend offers him a bed but suddenly a girl turns up and its lady screwing time for him and Vijay has to leave looking like a wounded bird. DRINK! And mate, don’t grudge your friends a root! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Vijay sitting on a bench and contemplating a night under the stars. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXmnzq_pwOs">Girl on bench starts singing</a> - yes that’s how street prostitutes land a Joe! Now Vijay is following her and an entire song later Gulabo (Waheeda Rehman) realises that Vijay has no money and merely wants to quiz her on her song. She chases him away -DRINK! - and then finds a piece of paper he has dropped. Oh Vijay, always leaving poems everywhere! Gulabo is sadly not a poetess prostitute but merely singing Vijay’s verses - she bought all his poems in the raddi (!) and is now all remorseful at turning him away. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Vijay sleeps rough, its morning and he is lounging around and spots Meena (Mala Sinha) getting off a swish car. Hey, Meena looking good there no, make that you are a DIVINE, RAVISHING GODDESS and you so need a tumblr shrine! Now Vijay again looking fucked. DRINK! Time for college flashback - Vijay looking so like the uncle next door but Meena, DIVINE! - general happy fuckery, lame jokes and then ROMANCE and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8We0S3am40&playnext=1&list=PLC18602705609C1DD">CYCLE SONG</a>! Stuff the serial fuckery, just DRINK because it’s all happy! But not for long and soon it’s the present and Vijay is being a coolie to earn a few paise. DRINK! And then takes himself off to a hotel to eat. But paise turn out to be khote. DRINK for the fuckery of the world is never ending! Then Gulabo spots him and pays for the meal - witness the beginnings of SUPER KINDRED SOUL fuckery. DRINK! DRINK! some more for Sattar Bhai (Johnny Walker) now singing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzQt2RtXWnw">CHAMPI SONG</a>! Yay!! But what’s this - time for Sattar Bhai’s fucked up comedy show with hard as nails prostitute. Quick REWIND to champi song! DRINK! For no reason! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Vijay runs into an old friend and it’s CLASS REUNION time! So Vijay goes. Recognition at last, propelled to the stage to sing song! DRINK! But there is Meena in the audience. She’s DIVINE! Vijay sings <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVqsdvYEQz4">SUPER SAD song</a>, Meena anguished, audience unimpressed. DRINK! Outside Vijay runs into a publisher, Mr. Ghosh (Rehman) who invites him over. So off goes Vijay with his poems but Mr. Ghosh quizzing him on his college years and then offers him a job. On way out Vijay meets Meena in the lift and FLASHBACK and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UkEcMxjGO8">ROMANCE</a>! Meena, Meena you are looking DIVINE in that Goddess Gown. Back in lift, Meena looking as if she could fuck Vijay on its floor but Vijay all bitter and moody. Enough to make a girl DRINK! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Mr. Ghosh invites Vijay to his house deliberately for there is Meena and she is Mr. Ghosh’s wife! Now looking closely at Mr. Ghosh – kind of portly in a fine suit but then the eye is drawn up and see those fine cruel lips, the cruel eyes, the cruel brows, the fleshy cheeks, the brilliantly pomaded hair…….so like a Fat <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Paget_Flashman">Flashman</a>……..think perversity, eroticism, sado- masochism, boudoir, corsets, knickers, white gloves, fetish, bondage….umm, er where was I?! Yes, hmmm, some rubbish poetry on, Vijay forced to serve drinks. So DRINK! Meena looking distressed, Fat Flashman thunderous on confirmation of liaison and Vijay contemptuous. Then <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK2oDWwf1bk">Vijay singing</a> and looking like the softest, sweetest, most feeling and soulful morsel of humanity so hush, suspend the snark, put down the DRINK! Audience however unimpressed so recommence DRINKING! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meena now getting a bit stalkerish and Vijay being standoffish and all annoyed at Meena the gold-digger who thwarted his love. DRINK! Meena behaving a bit besotted here - drag him on to the couch girl and just get over him! Deliciously cruel Mr. Ghosh is however eavesdropping on Meena’s confessions and later - uh huh these were not the kind of spankings I had in mind - BAD MR. GHOSH, stick to role play! The next day, Vijay finds Fat Flashman throwing away his poems – what’s up with folk trashing poems but hey woo hoo for the fuckery of the world for we can DRINK! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Somewhere else in the city Gulabo all sad and still looking for Vijay. A trick turns sour and she is being chased by a policeman and then runs into Vijay who claims she is his wife to save her. Gulabo super happy and now her hot, hot body needs some serious cooling down – this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUeBGQUC8CY">erotically charged song</a> will tell you all! Folks, it can be confirmed - Gulabo totally besotted with Vijay - but he disappears. Men, never there when a woman is hot and bothered. DRINK!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Some unnecessary comical fuckery from Sattar Bhai. LET’S NOT GO THERE AND JUST DRINK! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Vijay still sleeping rough in the city trying to drink water from a dry tap. But we can DRINK! Oh no Meena again stalking him. Meena, Meena surely Fat Flashman can offer you infinite more pleasures, albeit a tad sordid, than uptight Vijay! No? Pass him on to us! DRINK! Random storm and Vijay is in it. DRINK! Then Vijay finds out that the Maa is dead and the brothers don’t want him. DRINK, DRINK, DRINK! And have Vijay join you as he goes on a bender and then joins his friend for a kotha visit where a fetching lady is dancing. DRINK! But look the lady has a crying baby and Vijay is totes the only one with FEELINGS and TEARS! So much Sturm und Drang! And now he is singing a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tH32hZxyfk">hauntingly beautiful song</a> a Ballad of the Fallen Woman so to speak but you are also thinking hey Vijay, maybe you can remove that pretty, soulful mug that is so beautifully lit for a few minutes because it’s not always about how fucked up you feel, you know! Anyhow, DRINK! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now Gulabo time. Gulabo is all fangirl – Vijay you are the Greatest Poet that ever lived! Also totes maternal and all for tucking him into bed. Vijay all no I am fucked, my poems are fucked, the world is fucked. DRINK! At this point he should take a Bex and lie down but no, leaves Gulabo and is totally cruising for more punishment and running wild over some railway lines and offering coat to shivering beggar. Then beggar dead under a train and everyone thinks its Vijay who is QUITE DEAD. DRINK! Fat Flashman gleeful but Meena and Gulabo all sad. Now Gulabo fangirl wants to get poems published (note that poem folder has a Spitfire on the cover, wtf!) but runs into Meena who doesn’t want this as the tome is dedicated to her. Meena vs Gulabo has Meena knocked out (Meena you remain DIVINE)! Then Gulabo begs Fat Flashman to publish poems and he does. Now Vijay a STAR. Crowds wanting to buy his book top Justin Bieber twitter followers! Fangirl Gulabo all happy. DRINK! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Meanwhile Vijay in hospital and bereft of speech. DRINK! Nurse now reading HIS poems to him (so touching!) and he is all those are my poems, I AM VIJAY! For that immediately carted off to pagalkhana. Meanwhile Vijay’s friend, his brothers and Fat Flashman have all cut a deal to not recognise Vijay for its well known that the only good poet is a DEAD ONE! DRINK for the glorious fuckery of the world is eternal! So Vijay quite quite stuck in pagalkhana. DRINK! Till Sattar Bhai spots him and gets him out. Another round! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then time for a public reading of Vijay’s poems to which he turns up along with a million other fanboys of his sporting I AM VIJAY tees. Confusing! Meena on stage looking DIVINE, Fat Flashman - ummm - looking devilishly rakish and cruel and so so fetching in that Indian attire (put a brake on the fantasies girl!). Yes Vijay, you are a ROCK STAR, you are verily CHRIST Resurrected. But no need to sing about <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp0YCCfYg4g">burning down the world, eh!</a> Then a stampede as Fat Flashman goons try to hustle Vijay out, stamp out his existence and trample poor, devoted Gulabo. I don’t know about you but I need a DRINK! And now let’s all DRINK as Vijay is embraced and vindicated by the very people who spurned him - bar Fat Flashman whose rep is quite ruined for spruiking Vijay as a quite DEAD POET. DRINK to the friend! DRINK to the brothers! DRINK to the Publishers! DRINK to Meena! Another round to the ever changeable fuckery of the world! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now time for another ROCK STAR Vijay appearance-this time as an undead poet! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But what’s this? Vijay in a MASSIVE FUCK YOU to the world. Shall we DRINK?! Vijay now claiming he is not Vijay. Much consternation. Another bloody stampede and another Sattar Bhai rescue of Vijay. Vijay who is not Vijay but is St. Vijay now saying goodbye forever to Meena and offering her his everlasting goodness and forgiveness. Its OK Meena, you are DIVINE, you have Fat Flashman and some excellent hair ornaments I am totally reproducing! Then Vijay off to Gulabo’s place and witness the consummation of their SUPER KINDRED SOUL fuckery as they walk off into the sunset! Hey Vijay not Vijay but still St. Vijay, goodbye then! Meanwhile for the rest of us depraved, unfeeling folk - its time for the FAT FLASHMAN BOUDOIR GAMES! DRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKK!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
PS: Bonus DRINK for anyone who got title reference!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
_*_</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ouch. I grew up on Pyaasa songs and the idea of Guru Dutt as auteur. But this movie (and incidentally also Kaagaz ke Phool) is a hot turgid mess where maudlin sentimentality meets middlebrow romanticism. It is beautifully shot, its songs are quite wonderful, it has its moments I will give it that. But the central conceit of the film - of a tortured, sensitive genius crushed by society only to spurn its final acceptance too often feels like the petulance of a ignored child. Even a song like Jinhe Naaz Hai somehow fits uneasily in the film inspite of being its central piece partly because it is as much a considered reflection of the sordidness of the world as it is of the cult of the sensitive poet. I find myself a little surprised that this movie turns up in top 100 lists. </div>
</div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-28660357786425761052011-09-10T21:35:00.001+10:002011-09-18T09:28:49.114+10:00Thoroughly Modern Nina<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andaz_(1949_film)">Andaz</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And though sophomore efforts are difficult, this is how it goes!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
19 year old heiress Nina (Nargis) is on vacation and ADORABLY CUTE – we know this because she wears fetching jodhpurs, pouts at doting daddy who wants to lie abed and playfully cracks the whip at the help on her way out. The artless airhead then mounts her horse and is soon riding over hills and vales till the horse can’t stand so much adorable cuteness and runs amok. Will our heroine die – nah! A few minutes later she is rescued by Dilip (Dilip Kumar) and then wakes in a hospital. Pretty soon she is engaging in ADORABLY CUTE banter with Dilip. Now we know that Nins is lively and friendly and Dilip is a smart arse. Then Daddy-O arrives and is unfairly annoyed at the eager arriviste who saved his daughter. Before they depart, Dilip receives an invitation from Nins to come visit her in the city for she is like totes indebted to him for saving her life. Then Nins is waking up and looking rather skittish and ADORABLY CUTE in high-waisted loose pants and soon Dilip is at her door and looking like he wants to get into those pants. But Nins is not all like !psycho stalker! but engaging in more ADORABLY CUTE banter. Oh that Dilip! The divine looks, the smart arsery, the casual racism (I am from Africa but do not look like a gorilla)! And pretty soon he has hopped onto a piano and is singing about <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOPE2pyavg4">TOTALLY LOSING HIS HEART</a> and look Nins is all coy and has a fluffy dog and isn’t that ADORABLY CUTE! Then Dilip leaves and runs headlong into Sheila (Cuckoo). But this takkar is no meet cute though saucy Sheila loses her heart (but fails to sing about it) but Dilip (that boy, such a smart arse!) is all sparky with her. Before long all three are thick as thieves and playing badminton and Dilip is running all over the court beating off Nins and Sheila both looking ADORABLY CUTE in their playing togs. Then Nins and Sheila are all like wow this guy is a smart arse, sings, rescue damsels, plays badminton and your viewer is equally convinced and having a twitter stream in her head where everything about Dilip is #inappropriatecrushonalmostdeadactor. Then the girls are all like we want to sing too and you can play the piano and soon they are begging <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJLGHNgsC8Q">Dilip to fall in love with RECKLESS ABANDON</a>, no less! And Dilip is not like can I have both you ladies, nom nom, thank you very much but totes ignoring Sheila and looking at Nins. And Nins is looking at Sheila cos she totally wants her BFFs - Dilip and Sheila - to get together. Oh Nins, don’t live up to that artless airhead moniker!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The life of the idle rich, don’t we all want it? For soon Nins is going to have a party and wants to invite Dilip but Daddy-O is all like no you can’t. And Nins is very very annoyed because she is a FREE SPIRIT. And also ADORABLY CUTE. But Daddy-O is thinking of SAMAJ and its intolerance of the free ways of Nins. But Nins of course gets her way and calls Dilip. And then <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Z2OC9oMWM&feature=relmfu">Dilip has to sing for his supper and Sheila has to dance for hers</a> and Dilip is like totes and openly besotted with Nins and declaring that he is going to sing for her perpetually (say no Nins girl, there is only so much of a foghorn voice (Mukesh) that one can endure!). Now Sheila knows too and is all like biatch, she always gets my man. And the old folks are like nodding their head to show SEVERE DISAPPROVAL. So time for another dad-daughter talk and Daddy-O is like freedom is a bad thing for an Indian girl and Nins is like I will never do anything to hurt you or besmirch your GOOD NAME and Dad is all satisfied and it’s all very touching. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And before I forget, Nins girl I totally heart your wardrobe. Especially that robe with a big monogrammed N. Classy! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Sheila has a party - stupid girl you are never going to get that psycho stalker away from Nins! But Nins is all like careful with Dilip at the party and dancing with old gentlemen and STILL trying to get Dilip and Sheila together (give up will yer Nins). Meanwhile Dilip is like I WILL DECLARE MY LOVE TODAY. Then Nins has a phone call and oh no Daddy-O had a HEART ATTACK. And she goes home, Dilip in tow, and he is DEAD. Then Nins is all like shattered and silent and Dilip gets her back to normal. Oh that Dilip – yes, forcibly showing a girl her dead Dad’s photo is the best possible way to hammer into the head of Nins the Ninny that the man is irrevocably DEAD! Then Nins has a board meeting and decides to fritter – sorry use - Daddy-O’s hard earned by building hospitals and treating people for FREE! And stunningly Dilip, her saviour, her BFF, is to be in charge. And Dilip is soon giving orders and being TOTALLY noble and ensuring good works. Oh Dilip, MELT! Then <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0er7Yy-Mcg&feature=relmfu">Nins is like singing a song</a> and Dilip arrives and thinks it’s about him. But alas Dilip it is not about you. For Nins is off to the airport so her BFF can meet.....<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN0q1v_PKoU&feature=relmfu">her London returned fiancé</a>! Oh no how did this happen! Poor Dilip is thunderstruck and aghast - especially when rubberface bobblehead Rajan (Raj Kapoor) utters the words he is to repeat in every single film he has ever been in (Achhaa Ji, twitter hash tag #pointlessirritatingnotcutefilmphrase). Go away Rajan, Dilip ftw! But oh no now he is meeting Mummy and then he is paying respects to dead Daddy-O and Dilip is looking like a neglected thundercloud. Then <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY31VhGbrM0">Dilip has to sing another song</a> (aka #massivelyinappropriatehindifilmsong) and he is all like my heart is splintered, I am dying inside of love, Nins you are ABORABLY CUTE, you are doing me in, my heart is murderous, can I strangle and bury forever this bobblehead’s nascent film career? Oh Dilip, that look of pure venom at poor Rajan! MELT. Nins the artless airhead is of course still clueless. But Rajan is all like dude I know what’s going on here and see how ADORABLY CUTE I look being ADORABLY CUTE with Nins so watch me mouthing fuck off! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then director decides it’s time for some light comedy. Bad move. Rajan has a “guardian” who turns up - Professor “desi harmonium pe vilayati raag nahin bajana” (Ha Ha good one Prof. NOT) is a buffoon speaking for tradition and boys and girls can never be BFFs. Massive own goal for Des! Then Rajan, Nins, Dilip and the Professor are off to yet another party at Sheila’s. Sheila, Sheila – that lithe body is all very well but why am I in love with your curiously flat voice? And Dilip is still looking like a neglected thundercloud while Nins and Rajan are dancing the night away. At some point Professor promises Sheila’s dad that his “son” Dilip will marry Sheila cos the old folk have to arrange stuff for the young uns. Professor – still scoring massive own goals for des! RUN, Dilip, RUN! Then Dilip, Nins and Rajan return home (ooh look Dilip has his own room here!) and Dilip is all like I am way too ill and Nins has to go and persuade him to have dinner. Then he is all hurt that Nins hadn’t told him about Rajan. And Nins is like you may be a boy but you are my BFF so I should have totally told you. Pointless flashback with boring Rajan, meet cute, blah blah, love, blah blah, rich boy, blah blah, Daddy-O loves him, blah blah, going to London, blah blah, I will wait for my true love. Oh good, now Dilip is back. Then they all have dinner, #massiveowngoals still on. Des looking utterly bad, vilayat very good. Then Dilip smacks down the Professor - Vilayati goal! - and does RUN but only back to his room. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Soon Nins is Mrs. Rajan. You guessed it, PARTY TIME! Sheila shall dance, Dilip shall sing! But look there is no Dilip. He is packing to leave! Nins must save the day! Poor Nins then has the shock of her life when Dilip (#inappropriatemomentstodeclareyourlove) confesses to being besotted with ADORABLY CUTE Nins. AWKWARD. Then Nins is all like no no I love ADORABLY CUTE Rajan and Good God does everyone but me know this and have I encouraged this? And Dilip is like I will never stop loving you but I am leaving. MELT! SOB! Then Nins goes back in and its so not party time. Then Dilip has a change of heart and is BACK. Yay, time for another<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oWg35pYz-Y"> #massivelyinappropriatehindifilmsong</a>! Oh no, Dilip is so sad and trying to smile through his pain! MELT! But Nins can’t wait for him to complete the song and runs away. And runs even further by taking off to the hills with Rajan. Now Rajan and she are being totes ADORABLE CUTENESS and bonking each other like rabbits. But Nins is also getting a little strange in the head for she is missing the BFF. Hey Dilip, you have a foot in, prise the door open! But Dilip is far away, managing Nins affairs. Instead spectral Dilip is following her around and suggesting she is in LOVE WITH HIM AND JUST DOESN’T KNOW IT. Way to mess around with a girl’s head, Dilip! Nins is now convinced she must never return to the city and so understanding Rajan stays on. Also Nins is still trying to engineer the Sheila-Dilip hook up but its TOTALLY NOT HAPPENING for he loves Nins. Nins is now bonkers by the minute <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyX-p9F3SEg&feature=related">though still sweet on Rajan</a>. Then she has a baby. Time for director to raise the freedom for baby women question. Rajan is all for it, Nins is like I don’t want a mini me with a Dilip in her future. Oh Nins, you are an artless airhead!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then baby is 1 and Rajan is we must return home and Nins has to give in. And Dilip is writing a long letter. On how he still loves Nins, how he stayed on for two years so there would be no suspicion about Nins’ reputation and how she is a devoted wife. And now its time for him to leave. Oh Dilip, how much can a woman MELT, time to take back the psycho stalker! But er he is putting this letter in Baby’s GIFT! #rubbingeyesindisbelief @ #envelopealternatives! Meanwhile PARTY TIME! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98kyvAr8J0A">Boring song for baby</a> only enlivened by a complete cessation of sound when Nins spots Dilip. Then its LIGHTS OFF!</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Nins spies Dilip and is all agitated, tells him she is all Rajan’s, she is desperately unhappy and he shouldn’t have confessed his love and can he please please marry Sheila (wtf Nins!) so as to not get in the way? Then LIGHTS ON! Oh no its Rajan she's speaking to! And he is annoyed! Rajan is now being an arsehole though Nins is removing his shoes in a show of devotion and proclaiming her pure and deep love. Also Rajan more angry because even baby prefers Dilip's gift! Then Dilip arrives. And tries to sort out matters by explaining to Rajan that his wife truly loves him. Bad move, Rajan all huffy that Dilip knows his wife better! Meanwhile <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShpeH4MDIpE">Nins is singing a song</a> about absorbing pain - BORING! Then Rajan and Dilip get into a tussle and soon <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfZCBy3VFmA&feature=related">Dilip has been thwacked by a tennis racket</a>, Rajan leaves home and Nins has to take Dilip to the hospital. <br />
<br />
At this point there is no vilayati goal aka Nins is not like Dilip you so make my lady parts BLUSH and let's get it on but time for some directorial fuckery i.e. another massive desi own goal sending film southwards. Plot like Nins runaway horse. Rajan is all cuntish and takes away baby and is cruel to Nins. Oh no Nins singing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8NphUsssxU">ANOTHER bloody song</a>, time for a ciggie break. Dilip has a bandage and is so affected by that bashing he is now an overacting psycho stalker i.e. #absurdplottwist cos #idon'tknowhowtoendthisdamnthing. Pretty soon Nins can't bear the lousy acting and has to shoot him dead. Pity she let Rajan scot free for the same sins. BORING! </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Now Nins is in the dock for murder. Lots of blah blah on an Indian woman in modern dress is still a chaste Indian woman. Sheila is a true BFF and testifies that Nins so loves Rajan. But Rajan is all like no way she doesn't love me, she shot Dilip to prove she is a chaste wife. Oh go away, Rajan! Then Nins is all like whatevers, perhaps the gallows are better than a lifetime of the bobblehead. Then Rajan goes home and tries to wreck the Dilip toy. And there is the letter! Now he knows all and rushes back to Nins. But Nins is to be sent off to the Andamans. So they meet, cry and decide baby will not fall into the bad ways of high society and vilayat like Nins. GAH! YAWN! ASLEEP! <br />
<br />
Though Baby just as likely grew up to snort cocaine and bang the proverbial baker's dozen before she got married. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
_*_</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Suprisingly I knew nothing of this movie, I picked up Andaz because I like a few of its foghorn songs. Bar the latter section on tradition/modernity which is unconvincing and entirely not required for the point of the film surely is not modern mores but that a man and a woman can be friends and be misunderstood by each other and the world at large, it is a pretty good film. It is smartly made (and quite influenced by Hollywood) and suffused with the energy and youth of its main cast. The banter and high spirits are convincing and the first half of the film is quite delightful. The film is pretty much carried by Nargis who is pretty good (and a bit of a style icon in this film) and Dilip Kumar in whom you can see the beginnings of the great actor he was to be (sadly also the caricature he was to be!). There are bits of Indian movie history in this film too e.g. Mukesh lending his voice to Dilip K, Rafi to Raj K. Its a movie crying out for an updated remake or at least a homage a la <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Far_from_Heaven">Douglas Sirk/Todd Haynes</a>. </div>
</div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-76644885723618939272011-09-09T14:23:00.001+10:002011-09-18T09:29:14.167+10:00Mahesh and Meena Make a Baby<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Moving out the film reviews to old blog. <br />
<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I saw <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dhool_Ka_Phool">Dhool ka Phool</a>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And this is how it goes. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
First Mahesh (Rajendra Kumar) and Meena (Mala Sinha) crash into each other in college – luckily they are on cycles and not motorbikes or whatever one may be on these days. Mahesh has lipstick on, this and other things make Meena furious but scene ends with her making cow eyes at all that rouge. Never underestimate the power of Revlon. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then they have one of those <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ3lGPpJRkQ&feature=related">sawaal-jawaab numbers</a> that sadly exist no more. Meena’s attire looks retro, pre-partition but I am digging it. She is rather fond of the coy glance, I note. Oh and Mehmood popped by for a second. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Before one can think aww so romantic, we are told Mahesh is an irresponsible, wealthy sort. And Meena has evil guardians-we know they are evil because they have a ready arsenal of obvious taunts. But its soon time for <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Lfk2VowdYI&feature=related">a duet in the parks and lakes and in the rains</a>. Rains and lonely cottages=illicit, delicious sex. Then it is morning and Mahesh and Meena are not like thank you/don't bother to call, that was amazing/bad sex but we have SINNED AND YOU IN THE AUDIENCE SHOULD NEVER DO THIS. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Soon Meena, the promising student, has passed her exams with flying colours <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ht0U2tX21F8&feature=related">but is also like looking at photograph of Murphy Baby</a> and thinking Good Lord, I am preggers and soon to be a MAA. Then she runs off to Mahesh, who is running off to meet his dad, and then they are all we totes love each other and we will be in this together. But Mahesh goes home and meets Malti (Nanda) who is well connected and all and forgets that “main ek bacche ka baap banne wala hoon”. Meanwhile Meena is waiting for letters of love and when none arrive goes off to meet Mahesh. And shock horror - encounters a bloke in a sehra and on a horse who could have been any random dude but who she (rightly) identifies as Mahesh. Then she is all heartbroken and goes home and confides - loudly - to her maid and then of course evil guardians hear this and soon she is thrown out of the house and living with the maid. Meanwhile Mahesh and Malti (what’s with all the M names) <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRnHikRWuwA&feature=related">are cooing and being quite sweet</a>. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then Meena has a baby and looks all aghast and cross and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx8mOxSeZlY&NR=1">sad</a>. And Mahesh is alluding to his past with new wife but is also totes happy because he is having another – this time legit – baby. Naturalment both babies are boys. And Meena is all what the fuck why am I raising this mewling thing on my own and rushes off to meet Mahesh and get him to like acknowledge paternity and seek visiting hours. But he is what the fuck this may not even be my baby, go away. Meena is then thinking hey fuck you Mahesh I can be cruel too and place a stone on my motherly heart and hey how about this jungle, perfect place to leave an infant. It is indeed perfect for soon a king cobra, no less, is offering protection to said infant and then a kindly Abdul Chacha (Manmohan Krishna) half-heartedly shouts a bit – koi hai sort of thing - and carts off the baby. Meena’s motherly heart meanwhile is rebooted and she goes back but alas THE BABY IS GONE. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The baby, named Roshan, is now with Abdul Chacha who is “so sweet that it will turn a person diabetic”. But fear not for the bitterness of the people who surround him is a surefire remedy. Abdul Chacha disillusioned by these mandir and masjid cruel folk, goes off elsewhere with baby and sings <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOPdidrpZgw&feature=related">him an anti-religion song but inexplicably asks child to get all anarchist and slaughter the unrighteous in the end</a>. Meena meanwhile finds work as an efficient typist for a nice man who is a lawyer (Ashok Kumar) and soon he is saying I don’t care about the past, let’s get married and then let’s fall in love and have sex for this is the CORRECT ORDER OF EVENTS AUDIENCE. So she is all happy but sad (about that baby you know) and soon ensconced in a nice bungalow. Then she is told the lawyer's swimmers aren't being put to good use as she has just ONE BABY IN HER NASEEB. Mahesh meanwhile has become a judge and has a son who looks so much like a cute girl that it is not funny (Daisy Irani) and the family is all adorable though the audience knows Mahesh must get his COMEUPPANCE. Soon the children are in a school which is a remarkably anti-classist single classroom school for the judge’s son and Abdul Chacha’s ward both get to study here and the class age is like 3-12. Naturalment, the two boys are like we super adore each other and we do not know we are half-brothers. But the rest of the boys are despicably cruel about Roshan being illegitimate and Roshan is all motherfuckers I will show you what I am made of and skips school and does some half-arsed badassery and is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e336nh2ke9A">quite enjoying the soft crim life</a> with a few scamps. Only the painful and moral girl like half-brother wants to keep him on the straight and narrow and is so intent on doing so that he finds himself under a car and quite dead. So that puts an end to the crim life and leaves one child to be shared by all, suddenly Roshan is totally hot property. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At some point Roshan also runs into mommy Meena, and they are totally sobbing in each other’s arms to make us the audience realise that their SOULS ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER. And Meena twigs on to the fact that Roshan is her son. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Anyhow then there is a court scene where the judge is none other than Mahesh and Roshan is being defended by Meena’s lawyer husband. Mahesh is all like this child is sprung of bad seed and must be punished - you know apne hi pair pe kulhadi maarna type of thing. Then Meena gets up and makes a speech and Mahesh thinks fuck I am the father of this dastardly child. Then the court scene kind of collapses and everyone rushes off to Abdul Chacha’s house to decide who gets to keep Roshan. And Mahesh is all fuck fuck I don’t stand a chance here and I really can’t see too well with the thick glasses that they have given me to make me look OLD so I will pass. Meena and “true dad” lawyer husband get the spoils because you know she actually went back for the baby in the jungle. But not before Abdul Chacha looks all sad and delivers a massively guilt inducing speech (I shall die old and neglected cos mere ankhon ka roshan is being taken away from me) that makes one glad to see his back heading off to Mecca or whatevers. And then mum and son return home and its THE END and the audience departs in the certainty that PREMARITAL SEX IS WRONG but if you do indulge it helps to keep a condom handy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
__*__</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I jest, Dhool Ka Phool is not a half bad movie if didactic and often given to Hindi movie cliches. Like most movies of the time, it has some fairly nice songs. It is decidedly pro-woman in that 50s fashion and makes a few hard hitting points about religion and takes pains to make the point that illegitimacy does not mark a child, only the society which condemns it. Plus Meena is actually quite a spunky lady. And I have a serious woman crush on Mala Sinha who is really good here. </div>
</div>
</div>
Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3998049134971623040.post-72890362786286726792010-01-28T10:04:00.001+11:002010-01-28T10:06:44.642+11:00Blog Has MovedPlease note that this blog has moved to<br />
<br />
<a href="http://bluecompositionbook.blogspot.com/">http://bluecompositionbook.blogspot.com/</a><br />
<br />
All posts previously on this blog can be found at the new site.Anu Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02462245270908456017noreply@blogger.com0